My memories... start on an island. I was there with someone. He was... a human with horns? It sounded as though he had originally been an ordinary human but eventually ceased to be, because of my actions.
I cannot remember anything about him from before this time, but according to the words we spoke, he had killed countless humans using power I bestowed. [ he frowns. ] Thus, the two of us had been exiled to that island, created for us.
[ he holds up a hand to his head. ]
By whom...? Myself, or someone else...? I'm not sure. But... for hundreds of years, we had been the only two owners of the island.
However, my memories begin on the day that I revealed to him that other humans had been settling there. He was desperate for the company of others again, so I took him to the town, to give him another chance--to accept that their lives were worth as much as his.
... We had barely stepped into the town when... a man mistook me for a woman and tried to have me work at his brothel? [ sorry for the mention of the lewd, soo-won. ] While I was in no real danger, given my strength, that child nearly killed him in a fit of rage until I told him to cease.
[ disclaimer: when goat calls someone a child, that can cover a very large age range.
but yeah, they were in the town for like ten minutes before [redacted] immediately fucked up and failed his second chance. so not well. ]
He was rather angry with me afterwards, for stopping him. But after he'd had time to calm down, he accepted that most likely, he would never be able to live among humans again, and so I promised I would stay with him for the rest of his life, in the home we had built together.
[ goat stares at a point on the wall, looking contemplative. ]
... However, a human girl eventually discovered me, while picking berries in the forest--and that child and I ended up fighting again.
[ ... he frowns, as if annoyed all over again. ]
To him, it was an offence that I could interact with humans, and he could not. [ ... ] Yet it was his own arrogance that held him back. He saw the world in black and white. That people's lives could be judged as without value, and that he was fit to be executioner. For that reason, he loathed people, whom he deemed beneath him.
"There is nothing wrong with the one carrying more worth coming out alive," he said. He had not changed a single bit even after our hundreds of years of exile--I remember that I was appalled with him for that.
[ jan, handing dana a straight-up quote knowing she still can't google it ]
soo-won listens rather placidly for most of it, taking in the story, but the arrogance of that statement does manage to make his brows raise. he moves to clean up after himself, putting the kettle away because he doesn't think goat knows how to do dishes, and then he moves to hand goat one of the cups of tea.
he begins to drink the other himself.]
... some people believe their rank or power gives them the right to stand over others, whether it be by birthright or force.
I'm sorry to hear it.
[because whether by time they'd known each other or otherwise, it sounds like goat cared deeply for this person.
and that's always painful, to see how the ones you love can become so twisted]
[ goat definitely doesn't know how to do dishes. he takes the tea, though. ]
... In a way, I am grateful for our argument. Not in that moment, but right now, there are many things he said that help explain my life before then, even if I still lack the memories. Though, the details of our fight would likely bore you.
[ which is to say, jan is sorry for all these longass comments. anyway, he sips at his tea. ]
In any case, I continued to go out, and looked after that girl I mentioned before. She came to realize I wasn't human, after I protected her from wild animals in the forest, but she still accepted me and called me her friend.
... I don't remember why, but meanwhile, that child's clock began to move forward once more, meaning that he would die of old age now. [ tears actually spring to goat's eyes as he recalls this, before he wipes them away. ] Though he grieved at first, he calmed himself. Moreover, he was worried on my behalf. He actually told me to live among the humans once more, since he didn't wish for me to be alone after he passed.
But I intended to remain with him for the rest of his life, as I had vowed. So, I was going to tell my human friend that I could no longer see her.
[ ...
he freezes, before he abruptly puts the cup down before he can drop it. ]
[do NOT apologize for the longass comments when i love every single bit of lore how dare you
soo-won is going to pause a that, though, a bit surprised. he'll set his tea down as well just so that he can reach out to place a hand on goat's shoulder, as if to reassure him.]
[ good thing you're still allowed to touch the leaders, because imagine if they were both shocked right now. ]
... I-I don't know. I don't understand...
[ with his other hand, opposite to soo-won, he clutches his head. ]
I went to the town... to see her. She had invited me to her home, but... when I arrived, the town attacked me, with torches and weapons.
--Because of her. She... was the one who told them to kill me.
[ as goat grows increasingly emotional, soo-won will see something rather strange: black horns begin to grow from goat's head, and dark vapour spills with his breath. ]
I-I don't know why. Do I just not remember...? No, I don't--I didn't understand then, either. She had called me a friend, and yet, in that moment... she said I was a monster. Why...?
[ he starts trembling. ]
Yes, that's right--she stabbed me, and then pushed me off the sea. [ he hadn't fought back. not against the other villagers, and not against her. ] My memories end with me falling into the ocean, with her spear still pierced through my chest. [ ... ] If I died... no, but my hair was much longer then. Did someone cut it...?
If we were friends, then why did she dispose of me...!?
... And if something happened to me, then what of that child...?
[ anyway, don't mind goat just having a breakdown here. ]
but actually he's going to be very concerned about goat's breakdown. some part of soo-won is a little startled by it and yet -
.... is he? while he does not think of it often, even king hiryuu was betrayed and fought against the humans that he loved so much. even someone kind and gentle can invite the cruelty of others if they aren't careful. he listens to goat now, and doesn't flinch away when the transformation begins.
rather, his hand remains, as if to try to help ground him.]
as goat calms down again, he returns to normal--well, for a given value of normal. he looks human again, at least. ]
... Yes. I don't remember anything past falling unconscious then.
[ with a shaking hand, he picks up his tea again and take another sip. ]
The child with whom I was exiled... As much as he missed other humans--desired to be in the company of those besides myself--he believed that being kind to them only invited disappointment.
... I still do not agree with his view. Cruelty shouldn't be repaid with cruelty, and... more than anything, I simply wish to understand why that human girl did such a thing. But... perhaps that was the sort of thing he feared would happen to me.
[ . . . . when the humans turned against king hiryuu, the dragon gods beseeched him to return to the heavens. yet instead king hiryuu said that he could not, for he was human then, and he loved humans. so he did not want to leave them.
soo-won doesn't think of that story often - not truly.
but he supposes that when it's his own connection with anything regarding immortality, and facing what goat is saying now, it's all that he truly has.]
but unfortunately he doesn't seem to care about that. instead he's just going to return the embrace, tea be damned, and the hold is warm and gentle. he won't squeeze too tightly given his own injuries, but he doesn't seem to shy away from the touch either.]
[soo-won will only betray goat emotionally and he'll give fair warning if he ever goes for it!
that's better right (no)
but for the moment, he seems to just allow goat to pull away and he'll offer a smile back, sad as it is]
Of course. You can always rely on me.
... I wish that I had more to say, but I'm afraid I don't have any more answers than you. People can be unpredictable, and it can be hard to discern trust.
You don't need to give me any answers. I am--simply glad you are here. I think it would've been much worse had I regained that memory without any friends,
[soo-won can believe in people as friends rather easily, after all. and they've talked enough that he thinks that goat is someone who he likely wouldn't have to remove for the greater good.
so it's fine.]
... did you want me to share what I remembered as well? So we can be even.
[he normally would look for the chance to slide away but dammit the effect]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ and here they are at the kitchen! ]
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but:]
... when you're ready.
[but he'll fill up the silence with puttering around until then]
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Although my returned memories do not cover a large span of time, it is... a long story, if you're willing.
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he looks back to goat and gives him a small, encouraging smile]
I am.
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My memories... start on an island. I was there with someone. He was... a human with horns? It sounded as though he had originally been an ordinary human but eventually ceased to be, because of my actions.
I cannot remember anything about him from before this time, but according to the words we spoke, he had killed countless humans using power I bestowed. [ he frowns. ] Thus, the two of us had been exiled to that island, created for us.
[ he holds up a hand to his head. ]
By whom...? Myself, or someone else...? I'm not sure. But... for hundreds of years, we had been the only two owners of the island.
However, my memories begin on the day that I revealed to him that other humans had been settling there. He was desperate for the company of others again, so I took him to the town, to give him another chance--to accept that their lives were worth as much as his.
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.... how did that go?
[likely not good
based on goat's emotional state yesterday but
who knows, maybe he can be surprised]
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... We had barely stepped into the town when... a man mistook me for a woman and tried to have me work at his brothel? [ sorry for the mention of the lewd, soo-won. ] While I was in no real danger, given my strength, that child nearly killed him in a fit of rage until I told him to cease.
[ disclaimer: when goat calls someone a child, that can cover a very large age range.
but yeah, they were in the town for like ten minutes before [redacted] immediately fucked up and failed his second chance. so not well. ]
He was rather angry with me afterwards, for stopping him. But after he'd had time to calm down, he accepted that most likely, he would never be able to live among humans again, and so I promised I would stay with him for the rest of his life, in the home we had built together.
[ goat stares at a point on the wall, looking contemplative. ]
... However, a human girl eventually discovered me, while picking berries in the forest--and that child and I ended up fighting again.
[ ... he frowns, as if annoyed all over again. ]
To him, it was an offence that I could interact with humans, and he could not. [ ... ] Yet it was his own arrogance that held him back. He saw the world in black and white. That people's lives could be judged as without value, and that he was fit to be executioner. For that reason, he loathed people, whom he deemed beneath him.
"There is nothing wrong with the one carrying more worth coming out alive," he said. He had not changed a single bit even after our hundreds of years of exile--I remember that I was appalled with him for that.
[ jan, handing dana a straight-up quote knowing she still can't google it ]
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soo-won listens rather placidly for most of it, taking in the story, but the arrogance of that statement does manage to make his brows raise. he moves to clean up after himself, putting the kettle away because he doesn't think goat knows how to do dishes, and then he moves to hand goat one of the cups of tea.
he begins to drink the other himself.]
... some people believe their rank or power gives them the right to stand over others, whether it be by birthright or force.
I'm sorry to hear it.
[because whether by time they'd known each other or otherwise, it sounds like goat cared deeply for this person.
and that's always painful, to see how the ones you love can become so twisted]
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... In a way, I am grateful for our argument. Not in that moment, but right now, there are many things he said that help explain my life before then, even if I still lack the memories. Though, the details of our fight would likely bore you.
[ which is to say, jan is sorry for all these longass comments. anyway, he sips at his tea. ]
In any case, I continued to go out, and looked after that girl I mentioned before. She came to realize I wasn't human, after I protected her from wild animals in the forest, but she still accepted me and called me her friend.
... I don't remember why, but meanwhile, that child's clock began to move forward once more, meaning that he would die of old age now. [ tears actually spring to goat's eyes as he recalls this, before he wipes them away. ] Though he grieved at first, he calmed himself. Moreover, he was worried on my behalf. He actually told me to live among the humans once more, since he didn't wish for me to be alone after he passed.
But I intended to remain with him for the rest of his life, as I had vowed. So, I was going to tell my human friend that I could no longer see her.
[ ...
he freezes, before he abruptly puts the cup down before he can drop it. ]
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soo-won is going to pause a that, though, a bit surprised. he'll set his tea down as well just so that he can reach out to place a hand on goat's shoulder, as if to reassure him.]
.... and?
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... I-I don't know. I don't understand...
[ with his other hand, opposite to soo-won, he clutches his head. ]
I went to the town... to see her. She had invited me to her home, but... when I arrived, the town attacked me, with torches and weapons.
--Because of her. She... was the one who told them to kill me.
[ as goat grows increasingly emotional, soo-won will see something rather strange: black horns begin to grow from goat's head, and dark vapour spills with his breath. ]
I-I don't know why. Do I just not remember...? No, I don't--I didn't understand then, either. She had called me a friend, and yet, in that moment... she said I was a monster. Why...?
[ he starts trembling. ]
Yes, that's right--she stabbed me, and then pushed me off the sea. [ he hadn't fought back. not against the other villagers, and not against her. ] My memories end with me falling into the ocean, with her spear still pierced through my chest. [ ... ] If I died... no, but my hair was much longer then. Did someone cut it...?
If we were friends, then why did she dispose of me...!?
... And if something happened to me, then what of that child...?
[ anyway, don't mind goat just having a breakdown here. ]
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but actually he's going to be very concerned about goat's breakdown. some part of soo-won is a little startled by it and yet -
.... is he? while he does not think of it often, even king hiryuu was betrayed and fought against the humans that he loved so much. even someone kind and gentle can invite the cruelty of others if they aren't careful. he listens to goat now, and doesn't flinch away when the transformation begins.
rather, his hand remains, as if to try to help ground him.]
Is that where the memories end, Goat?
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as goat calms down again, he returns to normal--well, for a given value of normal. he looks human again, at least. ]
... Yes. I don't remember anything past falling unconscious then.
[ with a shaking hand, he picks up his tea again and take another sip. ]
The child with whom I was exiled... As much as he missed other humans--desired to be in the company of those besides myself--he believed that being kind to them only invited disappointment.
... I still do not agree with his view. Cruelty shouldn't be repaid with cruelty, and... more than anything, I simply wish to understand why that human girl did such a thing. But... perhaps that was the sort of thing he feared would happen to me.
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soo-won doesn't think of that story often - not truly.
but he supposes that when it's his own connection with anything regarding immortality, and facing what goat is saying now, it's all that he truly has.]
.... would you like a hug?
[goat offered him similarly in the past.
so.]
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kind of looks at soo-won, surprised. ]
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he's just going to opens his arms?]
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he hugs soo-won. ):
also he's still holding onto the cup of tea so it might slosh over a little and get on soo-won's back, sorry. ]
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but unfortunately he doesn't seem to care about that. instead he's just going to return the embrace, tea be damned, and the hold is warm and gentle. he won't squeeze too tightly given his own injuries, but he doesn't seem to shy away from the touch either.]
... thank you for telling me.
And confronting something so hard with me.
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eventually, he pulls away, and manages a smile. ]
Thank you for listening.
[ can't wait for soo-won to later stab him and prove that all of his friends will betray him but anyway ]
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that's better right (no)
but for the moment, he seems to just allow goat to pull away and he'll offer a smile back, sad as it is]
Of course. You can always rely on me.
... I wish that I had more to say, but I'm afraid I don't have any more answers than you. People can be unpredictable, and it can be hard to discern trust.
Even still, I wish that you hadn't been hurt.
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You don't need to give me any answers. I am--simply glad you are here. I think it would've been much worse had I regained that memory without any friends,
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Then if it's a matter of being present, that's simple.
We're friends, Goat. I'm not afraid of you, and I have no intentions of giving up on you.
Please continue to believe in me.
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I will. As long as you can believe in me, as well.
[ "i'm sure you will continue to fail for eternity." ]
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[soo-won can believe in people as friends rather easily, after all. and they've talked enough that he thinks that goat is someone who he likely wouldn't have to remove for the greater good.
so it's fine.]
... did you want me to share what I remembered as well? So we can be even.
[he normally would look for the chance to slide away but dammit the effect]
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If you are willing. I won't force you if you're uncomfortable.
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