AUDIENCE: SOO-WON

[retellers]

Comments

[recrowns]

[ . . . . ]

For what it's worth, I think that by now almost every Leader should know what I've done - the only one I'm uncertain of is Swan, because I'm not sure if Taako trusts me enough to avoid lying. Though only Wolf, Tiger, and Fox should know that I'm on your team.

I've sent others to ask their leaders and I hope to collect the information by the end of the week -

But Hikaru came up to me yesterday, charging in and telling me the dead could be revived. So I was wondering if she'd heard it from you...

[retellers]

... Well, I wonder. You're not the only one I told, since a few of my team members came to speak with me yesterday. So while I told them to be cautious with that knowledge, perhaps word is getting around among those they trust... It's not impossible that another Leader learned when I did, at least.

[recrowns]

That's what I was wondering.

When the animal icon on my PHS is blinking - does that mean something? Did that appear for anyone besides me?

[retellers]

It seems that it happened for everyone on my team. I think it was because I regained some of my memories. Though none of my team members came to see me because of that specifically.

[recrowns]

[he nods along with that]

Rabbit's team didn't get it - so that means that no one on Rabbit's team killed. I'll look into the rest.

It's good to know though.

[retellers]

Good luck. I hope your investigation bears fruit... You seem to be very good at forming connections, at least.

[recrowns]

[there's just a little bit of a smile at that]

Someone else has been telling me that lately....

I like people. I think I'm just fortunate in the sense that they seem to like me too.

[retellers]

Despite what you have done, you are an easy person to like.

[recrowns]

[ . . . . . .

is he?

there's something cloudy in his expression at that and he seems like he wants to avoid saying something but

the fucking effect - ]

... are you sure?

[retellers]

[ they seem taken aback by being questioned, before it shifts into nervousness. ] Um... I suppose I cannot speak for everyone else... but at least I am in no position to judge you.

[recrowns]

[ . . . . . right. soo-won pauses at that, a complicated look on his face, before he just offers up a bit of a saddened smile and he shakes his head]

.... one of the memories that they did leave me with was the first day that I saw Yona. I was a child and she was just a baby, hardly even a year old.

She and her mother were closely guarded, but I snuck in anyway because I wanted to visit her - I thought she must've been lonely. I thought that her red hair was so soft and cute, so I pet her head while she was sleeping.

Though I was discovered and her father came to drag me out and return me to my mother - he'd said simply that he got an unpleasant feeling from me.

[and soo-won, with a memory far too sharp for his age, never seemed to forget it. neither did his mother, who wrote it in his memoir.]

Some days I wonder what wins out - that unpleasant feeling... or how much people may like me.

[retellers]

[ ... ] Perhaps it was a moment of weakness on his part... but those are cruel words to say within a child's earshot. [ goat reaches to take soo-won's hand. ] It may be a cold comfort coming from me, but I have never felt that from you.

[recrowns]

[ . . . . ]

Weakness is human. [a beat] I've read his memoir, a letter to my mother. Some parts are a little less clear than others but... It's alright.

I recognize that he never would've accepted me.

[because of his blood? because of his father? yet soo-won's words are only soft, and they lack anger. he holds onto goat's hand and works up a gentle smile]

... thank you for your sentiment regardless. It's alright. I'm not someone who can afford to be saddened about what people think of me. It's all rather deserved, after all.

[retellers]

... "Cannot afford to be saddened" and "am not saddened" are two different things. One is the absence of feeling, and the other is an unwillingness to admit it. Which is it, for you?

[recrowns]

[ . . . . ]

Even if I'm sad, what difference does it make?

When I am the one who makes these choices, accepting the sadness and responsibility for what I've done is the least I can do.

[so perhaps it is less that he fails to acknowledge his own sadness - but rather doesn't see a point in truly expressing it]

[retellers]

[ ... ] Well, that is something I can understand. Just do not mistake harshness to oneself as reparation or responsibility.

[recrowns]

[ . . . there's just a bit of a laugh at that, and his expression picks up at least]

I try to find enjoyment where I can, whether I deserve it or not.

[and he squeezes goat's hand]

The world is too fascinating for me to be able to help myself. So it's alright. It's not as though I do not partake in what happiness I can.

[retellers]

[ he glances down at their linked hands. ] ... That's good, at least.

[recrowns]

[soo-won tilts his head at that, offering a gentle smile]

You needn't worry so much.

Everyone does but... I can carry this much rather easily.

[retellers]

I can't help worrying, though.

[recrowns]

.... well, I suppose that's your kindness too.

[he doesn't seem to mind too much]

I suppose it's just a bit surprising. Most people just take my word for things at home - but I think that might've been the power difference.

[worrying over a king sounds silly]

[retellers]

Is it lonely?

[recrowns]

[ . . . . .

this

makes him struggle a bit because he - knows what he wants to say? he wants to say that no, he's not very lonely, because he's surrounded by people all the time. he cares for those people, and they care for him - there's loyalty and fondness that binds them.

but.]

.... sometimes I find myself missing the days in which I could only be Soo-won, rather than His Majesty.

But those days are behind me, I'm afraid.

[retellers]

... Indeed. As times change, so does one's position, and the ways people respond to you, good or bad. [ ... ] I imagine things are more complicated now, as king.

[recrowns]

.... well, I'm a bit used to it.

[and at this, his smile seems to settle - the sadness that was in his eyes tapers off. if this has ever been an injury, it seems like it's one that's scarred over.]

People have expected great things of me ever since I was young.

It's just that... the people who didn't ever want anything more from me - they're now out of my reach.