... I suppose it depends on whether or not my sacrifice will truly provide benefit, or if it'd just be a balm to my own ego without thinking about who's left behind.
See, that's what I want to figure out. I'm a pretty big fan of the whole living thing, right? The me that I know... I like them, even if no one else might. But what about the parts of me that I don't know yet? What I don't remember, or what I haven't gotten to explore while here.
[ they take another sip. ]
I can't say that I'm the self-sacrificing type because you won't ever really know until you're in that situation. Someone can claim that they are all they want, but their words will only matter when they're in the moment where they need to make that choice.
[there's just a bit of a laugh at that, and he nods along]
Mm. I like living as well - and dying would cut out what time I do have. Even though I believe that all lives are equal... I get a choice of what I want to do with mine, and I'm not seeking to let go of it until I have to.
[he has his own ambitions and hopes, after all. though he can't help but wonder - ]
You have the aura of a nineteenth century youngest daughter who has a bit of a cough, but unbeknownst to everyone else, has managed to pinned down who has the most promising prospects in both the town and countryside.
Fufu, does someone have to 'know shit' in order to make them worth knowing? I'd even just like to listen to you describe everyone else, or tell me what you like to do. I feel like it'd be fun.
Though my only hope is to make it enjoyable for you too.
I'm pretty sure most people think we need to know shit to be worth talking to.
[ it's the general mood of the group as a whole. ]
It's not surprising. You all still think we're secretly evil, so there's no point in associating with us because we will eventually stab you in the back if we haven't already.
[but he's kind of a weird case where he's curious about everything and everyone]
I don't think that you're evil or that you seek to stab us in the back - it's something I'm considering, but it's mostly so I can be less surprised should it happen.
Though given everything, I do believe it a bit less and less each day.
Let me put it this way... we listen to you guys talk about how suspicious we are, and then you come to us and act like we're buds to get information, and then you immediately regroup to talk about how untrustworthy we are.
Not even just you specifically, but it's exhausting, you know? This must be what high school is like.
But that's true, I can imagine that hearing everything that we talk about amongst ourselves can be rather tiring to hear. I think that everyone especially feels untrusting of you all thanks to the power dynamics.
No, everyone just wants someone to be an easy bad guy to pin everything on, and we're the easiest ones. Which is understandable. I'm just not a fan of being fake about it.
Or on the other hand, there's the people who call us useless all the time, but they're the same ones who never actually talk to us outside of trials so there's absolutely no way for them to ever learn anything from us.
Do you and Dorothy talk often? You both strike me as a certain type of self-possessed.
[just. wow! that said - ]
... I appreciate your honesty, though. I don't know how much I can help with, but I can at least try to keep people from expressing feelings so negatively when we speak. I think that some people are more willing to give you the benefit of the doubt as time goes on...
Though others may continue to expect you six to have all the answers we could possibly dream of.
And we will continue to disappoint them. [ ... ] Anyway. I'm done complaining. You don't actually have to do anything, I just have a difficult time believing when people say they want to become buddies without there being a catch at this point.
That's okay. You can continue complaining if you'd like - it sounds as though you've been holding it in for a bit. Or maybe you had frustration to spare?
I might ask you for information when I come by, but it's mostly just to make sure I'm not leaving any stones unturned. We can change the topic quickly to anything else if there's nothing to report.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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what comes out instead is - ]
... I suppose it depends on whether or not my sacrifice will truly provide benefit, or if it'd just be a balm to my own ego without thinking about who's left behind.
[a beat]
And you?
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they hop off the railing. ]
See, that's what I want to figure out. I'm a pretty big fan of the whole living thing, right? The me that I know... I like them, even if no one else might. But what about the parts of me that I don't know yet? What I don't remember, or what I haven't gotten to explore while here.
[ they take another sip. ]
I can't say that I'm the self-sacrificing type because you won't ever really know until you're in that situation. Someone can claim that they are all they want, but their words will only matter when they're in the moment where they need to make that choice.
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Mm. I like living as well - and dying would cut out what time I do have. Even though I believe that all lives are equal... I get a choice of what I want to do with mine, and I'm not seeking to let go of it until I have to.
[he has his own ambitions and hopes, after all. though he can't help but wonder - ]
Do you think that people don't like you?
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I know they don't like me. I don't actually care, but if anyone actually tries to hit me, I'm removing their bed.
[ sleep on the floor, you fucks. ]
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[though he still seems like
he's unclear on why tiger is disliked]
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but they will change the subject. ]
You seem to have a lot of people looking after you, at least, so hey. Maybe you won't die.
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but soo-won manages a smile at that]
That's the hope, though it makes me wonder if I come off as someone who needs to be worried over.
[yes]
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[ the response is immediate ]
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[he
can't help his surprise even though it was his suggestion]
Really?
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he's actually laughing]
Oh wow! Should I say thank you? I truly can't tell. You have a way with words, though.
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[ don't just accept the compliment ]
It works for you, at least.
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Fufu, I appreciate it -
I wish I could say more for you, but I think that we have to get to know each other a bit better. Though I do already enjoy your company.
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I don't get why you want to get to know people who don't know shit though.
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[don't just say this]
Fufu, does someone have to 'know shit' in order to make them worth knowing? I'd even just like to listen to you describe everyone else, or tell me what you like to do. I feel like it'd be fun.
Though my only hope is to make it enjoyable for you too.
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[ it's the general mood of the group as a whole. ]
It's not surprising. You all still think we're secretly evil, so there's no point in associating with us because we will eventually stab you in the back if we haven't already.
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[but he's kind of a weird case where he's curious about everything and everyone]
I don't think that you're evil or that you seek to stab us in the back - it's something I'm considering, but it's mostly so I can be less surprised should it happen.
Though given everything, I do believe it a bit less and less each day.
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Not even just you specifically, but it's exhausting, you know? This must be what high school is like.
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[a blessing, really]
But that's true, I can imagine that hearing everything that we talk about amongst ourselves can be rather tiring to hear. I think that everyone especially feels untrusting of you all thanks to the power dynamics.
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Or on the other hand, there's the people who call us useless all the time, but they're the same ones who never actually talk to us outside of trials so there's absolutely no way for them to ever learn anything from us.
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Do you and Dorothy talk often? You both strike me as a certain type of self-possessed.
[just. wow! that said - ]
... I appreciate your honesty, though. I don't know how much I can help with, but I can at least try to keep people from expressing feelings so negatively when we speak. I think that some people are more willing to give you the benefit of the doubt as time goes on...
Though others may continue to expect you six to have all the answers we could possibly dream of.
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And we will continue to disappoint them. [ ... ] Anyway. I'm done complaining. You don't actually have to do anything, I just have a difficult time believing when people say they want to become buddies without there being a catch at this point.
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That's okay. You can continue complaining if you'd like - it sounds as though you've been holding it in for a bit. Or maybe you had frustration to spare?
I might ask you for information when I come by, but it's mostly just to make sure I'm not leaving any stones unturned. We can change the topic quickly to anything else if there's nothing to report.
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[ they will not hesitate to leave. ]
But it doesn't matter. We can talk about favorite colors or food or whatever.
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