AUDIENCE: HANSA

[retellers]

Comments

[robopriest]

It's true. A child at heart...

[says a child at heart]

Are the rest modern, at least?

[retellers]

[ she frowns. ]

Probably. But then it turns into a case of whether my modern is the same as their modern. Could be a case of being from different worlds, maybe. It just gets hard to check since... we seem to remember pretty general things, but if it starts getting specific about where we're from, then it turns into a blank.

[robopriest]

I see. Its true. Even my modern isn't the same as everyone else's. It's not surprising you're in the same boat.

[retellers]

Pretty annoying.

But at least listening to you guys can give us an idea of what we may or may not be familiar with as a concept, since most of the time we won't even realize until it comes up in conversation.

[robopriest]

Really?

[Hmmmm.]

Do you want me to talk more about me, then? So you can realize more about you?

[retellers]

Sure, why not?

[robopriest]

Alright. How much do you know about me already?

[retellers]

Priest, something about demons?

[ a pause. ]

I try not to eavesdrop too much because you all have so many feelings and it kills me.

[robopriest]

Tsk, tsk. Didn't anyone tell you that eavesdropping is bad?

[Shaking his head.]

I guess you can hear whatever gossip I tell to others though, huh.

[retellers]

[ a grin. ]

Yup. But I really, really cannot stress how little I'm interested in most of it. I mostly just need to keep track of who's shit talking me.

[robopriest]

I'm guessing that's a pretty long list. [A beat.] Nothing against you, I mean, but people just can't handle your wonderful personality. Though I guess people won't be too happy after today, too...

[retellers]

Hey, at least I admit that we made a mistake. Better me than people yelling at Goat, I guess.

[ goat would cry. ]

[robopriest]

Goat really is a pure soul, huh...

[goat...........]

Anyways! Back to me. I sure am a priest. But I also do some extra work on the side. I fight demons and vampires and heretical things that wish to cause harm to humanity. Its definitely something any regular person could do.

[retellers]

[ please save goat.

but she listens, nodding her head slowly. ]

How do you fight them?

[robopriest]

[i meant to say "not something any regular person could do" but i'll leave that as a sarcastic comment of course]

Oh, by just punching them real hard.

[retellers]

Everything about this place is so immensely idiotic I honestly cannot tell if that's a joke or not.

[robopriest]

Its an oversimplification, but that's basically what I do! Would I lie to you, my dear Tiger?

[retellers]

[ sweetly, ]

Yes. [ ... ] But everyone lies at some point, so that doesn't really matter.

Anyway, is it just you? Or is there a squad of vampire punching priests?

[robopriest]

You wound me. I'm hurt. You're saying a priest can lie? My soul can't recover from this...

[But he clears his throat, recovering quickly from the "offense".]

There are a few others like me. But I tend to work alone...except for the Quartet, of course. They're four nuns who help me with my work.

[retellers]

You have nun sidekicks.

[robopriest]

[Just. Nodding.]

Yep. They're very smart girls.

[Hansaspeak for "they're four lesbians who kind of babysit me".]

[retellers]

Oh, they better be. Who has ever heard of a nun sidekick that's a moron?

[ fate why. ]

Is it a rewarding job?

[robopriest]

For sure. I like what I do very much. Makes every day worth it.

[He's just. Vibing with life, for the most part.]

Anyways, I'm guessing the life of a sixteen year-old girl doesn't involve much punching demons, though.

[retellers]

No... demons aren't really ringing any bells.

[robopriest]

[so much for another teenage demon-fighting sidekick...]

You said you don't think you went to school, right? Were you homeschooled?