AUDIENCE: HANSA

[retellers]

Comments

[robopriest]

I'm guessing that's a pretty long list. [A beat.] Nothing against you, I mean, but people just can't handle your wonderful personality. Though I guess people won't be too happy after today, too...

[retellers]

Hey, at least I admit that we made a mistake. Better me than people yelling at Goat, I guess.

[ goat would cry. ]

[robopriest]

Goat really is a pure soul, huh...

[goat...........]

Anyways! Back to me. I sure am a priest. But I also do some extra work on the side. I fight demons and vampires and heretical things that wish to cause harm to humanity. Its definitely something any regular person could do.

[retellers]

[ please save goat.

but she listens, nodding her head slowly. ]

How do you fight them?

[robopriest]

[i meant to say "not something any regular person could do" but i'll leave that as a sarcastic comment of course]

Oh, by just punching them real hard.

[retellers]

Everything about this place is so immensely idiotic I honestly cannot tell if that's a joke or not.

[robopriest]

Its an oversimplification, but that's basically what I do! Would I lie to you, my dear Tiger?

[retellers]

[ sweetly, ]

Yes. [ ... ] But everyone lies at some point, so that doesn't really matter.

Anyway, is it just you? Or is there a squad of vampire punching priests?

[robopriest]

You wound me. I'm hurt. You're saying a priest can lie? My soul can't recover from this...

[But he clears his throat, recovering quickly from the "offense".]

There are a few others like me. But I tend to work alone...except for the Quartet, of course. They're four nuns who help me with my work.

[retellers]

You have nun sidekicks.

[robopriest]

[Just. Nodding.]

Yep. They're very smart girls.

[Hansaspeak for "they're four lesbians who kind of babysit me".]

[retellers]

Oh, they better be. Who has ever heard of a nun sidekick that's a moron?

[ fate why. ]

Is it a rewarding job?

[robopriest]

For sure. I like what I do very much. Makes every day worth it.

[He's just. Vibing with life, for the most part.]

Anyways, I'm guessing the life of a sixteen year-old girl doesn't involve much punching demons, though.

[retellers]

No... demons aren't really ringing any bells.

[robopriest]

[so much for another teenage demon-fighting sidekick...]

You said you don't think you went to school, right? Were you homeschooled?

[retellers]

No, I'm too well adjusted and can socialize to have been homeschooled.

[ stop ]

I think it's more that... I can't tell if I went, or if the stuff I know is just from general knowledge of how school works. [ she frowns slightly. ] Like, I can picture what classrooms look like, but I can't place myself in any of them, so I can't tell if I've personally been in one or if I've seen what they look like for something else.

[robopriest]

Wow, way to rub it in for someone who never went to high school.

[A scoff.]

But...hm. Maybe you're from the future after the world ended and you just happened to see a empty one?

[retellers]

End of the world, huh...

[ she seems to consider it. ]

I dunno. Might explain some personality traits though.

[robopriest]

And which traits are those?

[retellers]

Oh, you know, territorial, the inability to let anyone see my soft core that's hidden away by a rough exterior, the constant urge to smack people who enter my personal space--seriously, I wanted to throttle that Bucky guy.

[ he did not actually grab her at the execution, but he got close to it, and her teenage urge of pulling hair was activated. ]

[robopriest]

[He can't believe he came here to harrass Tiger for what they did during the execution and now he finds himself liking her even more. Sarcasm bonding...]

Haha, I would've liked to see that! Can you fight? I'm sure you would've given him a run for his life.

[retellers]

[ they gasp. ]

I have never lifted a weapon in my life.

[robopriest]

Are you just saying that? Or are you really the punching type?

[retellers]

[ she shrugs. ]

If anything, I don't have a neat sword like some people do. [ ... ] But I think I can defend myself, at least. Maybe not as well as people like Goat or Wolf can.

[robopriest]

That's good. Honestly, if you need any tips, you can always ask me. I'll get you to suplex men twice your size in no time.