AUDIENCE: HANSA

[retellers]

Comments

[robopriest]

Really?

[Hmmmm.]

Do you want me to talk more about me, then? So you can realize more about you?

[retellers]

Sure, why not?

[robopriest]

Alright. How much do you know about me already?

[retellers]

Priest, something about demons?

[ a pause. ]

I try not to eavesdrop too much because you all have so many feelings and it kills me.

[robopriest]

Tsk, tsk. Didn't anyone tell you that eavesdropping is bad?

[Shaking his head.]

I guess you can hear whatever gossip I tell to others though, huh.

[retellers]

[ a grin. ]

Yup. But I really, really cannot stress how little I'm interested in most of it. I mostly just need to keep track of who's shit talking me.

[robopriest]

I'm guessing that's a pretty long list. [A beat.] Nothing against you, I mean, but people just can't handle your wonderful personality. Though I guess people won't be too happy after today, too...

[retellers]

Hey, at least I admit that we made a mistake. Better me than people yelling at Goat, I guess.

[ goat would cry. ]

[robopriest]

Goat really is a pure soul, huh...

[goat...........]

Anyways! Back to me. I sure am a priest. But I also do some extra work on the side. I fight demons and vampires and heretical things that wish to cause harm to humanity. Its definitely something any regular person could do.

[retellers]

[ please save goat.

but she listens, nodding her head slowly. ]

How do you fight them?

[robopriest]

[i meant to say "not something any regular person could do" but i'll leave that as a sarcastic comment of course]

Oh, by just punching them real hard.

[retellers]

Everything about this place is so immensely idiotic I honestly cannot tell if that's a joke or not.

[robopriest]

Its an oversimplification, but that's basically what I do! Would I lie to you, my dear Tiger?

[retellers]

[ sweetly, ]

Yes. [ ... ] But everyone lies at some point, so that doesn't really matter.

Anyway, is it just you? Or is there a squad of vampire punching priests?

[robopriest]

You wound me. I'm hurt. You're saying a priest can lie? My soul can't recover from this...

[But he clears his throat, recovering quickly from the "offense".]

There are a few others like me. But I tend to work alone...except for the Quartet, of course. They're four nuns who help me with my work.

[retellers]

You have nun sidekicks.

[robopriest]

[Just. Nodding.]

Yep. They're very smart girls.

[Hansaspeak for "they're four lesbians who kind of babysit me".]

[retellers]

Oh, they better be. Who has ever heard of a nun sidekick that's a moron?

[ fate why. ]

Is it a rewarding job?

[robopriest]

For sure. I like what I do very much. Makes every day worth it.

[He's just. Vibing with life, for the most part.]

Anyways, I'm guessing the life of a sixteen year-old girl doesn't involve much punching demons, though.

[retellers]

No... demons aren't really ringing any bells.

[robopriest]

[so much for another teenage demon-fighting sidekick...]

You said you don't think you went to school, right? Were you homeschooled?

[retellers]

No, I'm too well adjusted and can socialize to have been homeschooled.

[ stop ]

I think it's more that... I can't tell if I went, or if the stuff I know is just from general knowledge of how school works. [ she frowns slightly. ] Like, I can picture what classrooms look like, but I can't place myself in any of them, so I can't tell if I've personally been in one or if I've seen what they look like for something else.

[robopriest]

Wow, way to rub it in for someone who never went to high school.

[A scoff.]

But...hm. Maybe you're from the future after the world ended and you just happened to see a empty one?

[retellers]

End of the world, huh...

[ she seems to consider it. ]

I dunno. Might explain some personality traits though.

[robopriest]

And which traits are those?