I'm afraid 'worry' is an emotion that's harder to control - one will always want to worry after their friends and the people that they care about. I'm not going to lie to you and suggest that I will be completely devoid of worry.
[because that's just. not possible.]
But what I will promise is that I will trust you even more than that, and will move past my worry because I would rather believe in you.
In the quiet of the palace library, no one will come to bother you, for they know the way that you can toil away for hours on end with every book that lines the shelves. A guard waits outside, and so you know you are being watched – for as long as you could remember, you are being watched.
It begins: Father has succumbed to the Crimson Illness. I, too, will lose my life to it one day. If only I hadn’t been born with the Crimson Dragon King’s blood.
And in that moment, you know you will die.
Everything clicks into place: the constant headaches that Mother suffered, the way she would collapse on the grounds of the garden, how over the course of a few years her health continued to worsen until she grew pale and sickly until one day she was simply – gone.
For the sake of understanding, you continue to read.
Our lineage goes back to the time of myths. We’re said to be the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King, the god who created this country. It’s nothing to write home about…. We’re just ordinary people. We have no special abilities. If anything is special about us, it’s that half or more of the family have been afflicted by an incurable illness.
Father used to say it was something put in place by the Dragon Gods to summon the Crimson Dragon King back to heaven. “So don’t be sad about it,” he’d say.
We, who protect this blood, must exist for the sake of society, right? If we don’t maintain this mindset, our family won’t be able to stand firm. We’ll just be a bunch of people who inherited a short lifespan.
The action is minute – the way that your fingers curl onto the parchment all the tighter. An action that can’t be seen from the guard’s view, won’t raise alarm, and even now you look like you’re only reading.
When instead you are forced to face the facts that your Mother had no clue of:
There is no importance to this accursed bloodline. The words echo hollowly in your own ears, ‘You are not the Crimson Dragon King.’
No legend will protect you. The gods never wanted to protect your family. You have only your own two hands, your aching heart, and the time you have left remaining.
“Your Majesty.” A voice at the door calls out to you, and you find yourself pausing in your reading – you want to continue, oh so badly do you want to know the rest of your mother’s words but.
If there is anything that can ruin the visage of a king that you must present, it would be this.
You close the book, place it aside with reverence, and turn to leave.
You are a dead man walking, but no one needs to know that.
and - oddly enough, of everyone to get this memory, soo-won seems displeased that it's goat.
goat is quiet, though he is not wholly surprised--he has heard some of the conversations that soo-won has had with others. in the end, after a few moments of pensive silence, he simply says, ]
[ . . . . he just huffs out a short, gently amused breath at that. the sound almost comes off as fond.]
.... I've become intimately familiar with the brevity of my life here, Goat.
I'm alright. It's nothing I found unexpected.
All humans will die one day, and while I am not in any particular rush.... as long as my goals are completed, I will accept the end of my life as expected penance for all I've done.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ . . . . but. fine. not the point. he sighs.]
But you might be in danger next week, and now I know, and I'm worried.
[he'll just say it.]
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[ ...
all this is telling goat is that he clearly should've kept lying? ]
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Because the truth became apparent regardless.
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[ simply, ]
Do not worry for me.
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he seems more thoughtful about it this time, rather than immediately dismissing it.]
.... if I trust in your ability and what happens to you - will you be willing to trust me with what you might want to hide?
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... This is the only thing I've hidden from you.
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I just don't want you to hide anything from me in the future, if you think I might not be able to take it well.
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[ ...
he falls silent. ]
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he'll reach out to take goat's hand]
Do we have a deal?
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... All right.
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Then I'm going to trust in you, and I will...
[not worry? well, it's hard to say that so confidently.]
.... attempt to avoid worry, so you don't need to be concerned about my reaction.
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... That sounds very uncertain...
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[because that's just. not possible.]
But what I will promise is that I will trust you even more than that, and will move past my worry because I would rather believe in you.
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... Very well. That is acceptable.
[1/2]
Mm. I'm reassured to hear that.
[and because it's time for a memshare a week late - with the next step, there goes a bubble being popped!]
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You are eighteen years old, and you are king.
You are reading your mother’s memoir.
In the quiet of the palace library, no one will come to bother you, for they know the way that you can toil away for hours on end with every book that lines the shelves. A guard waits outside, and so you know you are being watched – for as long as you could remember, you are being watched.
It begins: Father has succumbed to the Crimson Illness. I, too, will lose my life to it one day. If only I hadn’t been born with the Crimson Dragon King’s blood.
And in that moment, you know you will die.
Everything clicks into place: the constant headaches that Mother suffered, the way she would collapse on the grounds of the garden, how over the course of a few years her health continued to worsen until she grew pale and sickly until one day she was simply – gone.
For the sake of understanding, you continue to read.
Our lineage goes back to the time of myths. We’re said to be the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King, the god who created this country. It’s nothing to write home about…. We’re just ordinary people. We have no special abilities. If anything is special about us, it’s that half or more of the family have been afflicted by an incurable illness.
Father used to say it was something put in place by the Dragon Gods to summon the Crimson Dragon King back to heaven. “So don’t be sad about it,” he’d say.
We, who protect this blood, must exist for the sake of society, right? If we don’t maintain this mindset, our family won’t be able to stand firm. We’ll just be a bunch of people who inherited a short lifespan.
The action is minute – the way that your fingers curl onto the parchment all the tighter. An action that can’t be seen from the guard’s view, won’t raise alarm, and even now you look like you’re only reading.
When instead you are forced to face the facts that your Mother had no clue of:
There is no importance to this accursed bloodline. The words echo hollowly in your own ears, ‘You are not the Crimson Dragon King.’
No legend will protect you. The gods never wanted to protect your family. You have only your own two hands, your aching heart, and the time you have left remaining.
“Your Majesty.” A voice at the door calls out to you, and you find yourself pausing in your reading – you want to continue, oh so badly do you want to know the rest of your mother’s words but.
If there is anything that can ruin the visage of a king that you must present, it would be this.
You close the book, place it aside with reverence, and turn to leave.
You are a dead man walking, but no one needs to know that.
and - oddly enough, of everyone to get this memory, soo-won seems displeased that it's goat.
ah.]
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goat is quiet, though he is not wholly surprised--he has heard some of the conversations that soo-won has had with others. in the end, after a few moments of pensive silence, he simply says, ]
Soo-won.
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Yes?
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Are you all right?
[ not in the long run, he means. right now, that is. ]
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soo-won looks thoughtful at that.]
... I'm probably due for another attack soon. It's been remarkably consistent since the first weekend.
[once a week, after his life has been threatened incessantly, but.]
... though for now, yes, I'm fine.
[nothing hurts.]
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I mean emotionally.
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Should I feel something?
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... Never mind, then.
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.... I've become intimately familiar with the brevity of my life here, Goat.
I'm alright. It's nothing I found unexpected.
All humans will die one day, and while I am not in any particular rush.... as long as my goals are completed, I will accept the end of my life as expected penance for all I've done.
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[ even if his own words were a cold comfort when it mattered. ]
... Still, you seem uncomfortable.
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