I'm afraid 'worry' is an emotion that's harder to control - one will always want to worry after their friends and the people that they care about. I'm not going to lie to you and suggest that I will be completely devoid of worry.
[because that's just. not possible.]
But what I will promise is that I will trust you even more than that, and will move past my worry because I would rather believe in you.
In the quiet of the palace library, no one will come to bother you, for they know the way that you can toil away for hours on end with every book that lines the shelves. A guard waits outside, and so you know you are being watched – for as long as you could remember, you are being watched.
It begins: Father has succumbed to the Crimson Illness. I, too, will lose my life to it one day. If only I hadn’t been born with the Crimson Dragon King’s blood.
And in that moment, you know you will die.
Everything clicks into place: the constant headaches that Mother suffered, the way she would collapse on the grounds of the garden, how over the course of a few years her health continued to worsen until she grew pale and sickly until one day she was simply – gone.
For the sake of understanding, you continue to read.
Our lineage goes back to the time of myths. We’re said to be the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King, the god who created this country. It’s nothing to write home about…. We’re just ordinary people. We have no special abilities. If anything is special about us, it’s that half or more of the family have been afflicted by an incurable illness.
Father used to say it was something put in place by the Dragon Gods to summon the Crimson Dragon King back to heaven. “So don’t be sad about it,” he’d say.
We, who protect this blood, must exist for the sake of society, right? If we don’t maintain this mindset, our family won’t be able to stand firm. We’ll just be a bunch of people who inherited a short lifespan.
The action is minute – the way that your fingers curl onto the parchment all the tighter. An action that can’t be seen from the guard’s view, won’t raise alarm, and even now you look like you’re only reading.
When instead you are forced to face the facts that your Mother had no clue of:
There is no importance to this accursed bloodline. The words echo hollowly in your own ears, ‘You are not the Crimson Dragon King.’
No legend will protect you. The gods never wanted to protect your family. You have only your own two hands, your aching heart, and the time you have left remaining.
“Your Majesty.” A voice at the door calls out to you, and you find yourself pausing in your reading – you want to continue, oh so badly do you want to know the rest of your mother’s words but.
If there is anything that can ruin the visage of a king that you must present, it would be this.
You close the book, place it aside with reverence, and turn to leave.
You are a dead man walking, but no one needs to know that.
and - oddly enough, of everyone to get this memory, soo-won seems displeased that it's goat.
goat is quiet, though he is not wholly surprised--he has heard some of the conversations that soo-won has had with others. in the end, after a few moments of pensive silence, he simply says, ]
[ . . . . he just huffs out a short, gently amused breath at that. the sound almost comes off as fond.]
.... I've become intimately familiar with the brevity of my life here, Goat.
I'm alright. It's nothing I found unexpected.
All humans will die one day, and while I am not in any particular rush.... as long as my goals are completed, I will accept the end of my life as expected penance for all I've done.
[ it's something that goat both can and can't understand. even with most of his memories missing, he has lived an unfathomably long life, and knowing now that he likely didn't die then, it seems without end.
... but even with all the years he's had with his child, it never feels like enough, knowing that that boy is still doomed to leave him first. ]
... The time humans have is very short. And yet, that is why each of your lives shines brightly.
[soo-won doesn't disagree - and he would have no issues if he was given even a normal human's lifespan, honestly. if he could live and die the same as others - but he can't. because this is what the gods have left with his family with.
nothing but a curse.
even still....]
.... mm, that's right.
So it's why I have to enjoy the moments I can.
[even if he cannot help but sound - slightly unfulfilled. there is something wanting in his tone - for a life like goat's. where he can live as long as he wants, with a body that heals quickly so he might never die.
[ it would be a lie to say that goat can do nothing for soo-won. there is--but it's a mistake he vowed never to make again, and soo-won would never want to pay the price for it regardless. and so, the thought doesn't even cross goat's mind.
all he can do now is squeeze soo-won's hands, as there are no words left he can say. ]
[ you kept tagging me back at work so i couldn't prep anything :pensive: ]
Mm.
[ but before he can say anything more, another bubble drifts and pops or something ig.
in it is a memory... or rather, what feels like a memory within a memory.
You know this is not yours; you are only an observer. You watch from the sky, where down below a man weeps over another's prone body, as a woman next to you speaks.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Then I'm going to trust in you, and I will...
[not worry? well, it's hard to say that so confidently.]
.... attempt to avoid worry, so you don't need to be concerned about my reaction.
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... That sounds very uncertain...
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[because that's just. not possible.]
But what I will promise is that I will trust you even more than that, and will move past my worry because I would rather believe in you.
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... Very well. That is acceptable.
[1/2]
Mm. I'm reassured to hear that.
[and because it's time for a memshare a week late - with the next step, there goes a bubble being popped!]
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You are eighteen years old, and you are king.
You are reading your mother’s memoir.
In the quiet of the palace library, no one will come to bother you, for they know the way that you can toil away for hours on end with every book that lines the shelves. A guard waits outside, and so you know you are being watched – for as long as you could remember, you are being watched.
It begins: Father has succumbed to the Crimson Illness. I, too, will lose my life to it one day. If only I hadn’t been born with the Crimson Dragon King’s blood.
And in that moment, you know you will die.
Everything clicks into place: the constant headaches that Mother suffered, the way she would collapse on the grounds of the garden, how over the course of a few years her health continued to worsen until she grew pale and sickly until one day she was simply – gone.
For the sake of understanding, you continue to read.
Our lineage goes back to the time of myths. We’re said to be the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King, the god who created this country. It’s nothing to write home about…. We’re just ordinary people. We have no special abilities. If anything is special about us, it’s that half or more of the family have been afflicted by an incurable illness.
Father used to say it was something put in place by the Dragon Gods to summon the Crimson Dragon King back to heaven. “So don’t be sad about it,” he’d say.
We, who protect this blood, must exist for the sake of society, right? If we don’t maintain this mindset, our family won’t be able to stand firm. We’ll just be a bunch of people who inherited a short lifespan.
The action is minute – the way that your fingers curl onto the parchment all the tighter. An action that can’t be seen from the guard’s view, won’t raise alarm, and even now you look like you’re only reading.
When instead you are forced to face the facts that your Mother had no clue of:
There is no importance to this accursed bloodline. The words echo hollowly in your own ears, ‘You are not the Crimson Dragon King.’
No legend will protect you. The gods never wanted to protect your family. You have only your own two hands, your aching heart, and the time you have left remaining.
“Your Majesty.” A voice at the door calls out to you, and you find yourself pausing in your reading – you want to continue, oh so badly do you want to know the rest of your mother’s words but.
If there is anything that can ruin the visage of a king that you must present, it would be this.
You close the book, place it aside with reverence, and turn to leave.
You are a dead man walking, but no one needs to know that.
and - oddly enough, of everyone to get this memory, soo-won seems displeased that it's goat.
ah.]
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goat is quiet, though he is not wholly surprised--he has heard some of the conversations that soo-won has had with others. in the end, after a few moments of pensive silence, he simply says, ]
Soo-won.
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Yes?
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Are you all right?
[ not in the long run, he means. right now, that is. ]
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soo-won looks thoughtful at that.]
... I'm probably due for another attack soon. It's been remarkably consistent since the first weekend.
[once a week, after his life has been threatened incessantly, but.]
... though for now, yes, I'm fine.
[nothing hurts.]
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I mean emotionally.
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Should I feel something?
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... Never mind, then.
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.... I've become intimately familiar with the brevity of my life here, Goat.
I'm alright. It's nothing I found unexpected.
All humans will die one day, and while I am not in any particular rush.... as long as my goals are completed, I will accept the end of my life as expected penance for all I've done.
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[ even if his own words were a cold comfort when it mattered. ]
... Still, you seem uncomfortable.
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I don't entertain it for very long, because I don't know how to accomplish it -
.... but sometimes I think - it sounds nice.
To have more time.
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... but even with all the years he's had with his child, it never feels like enough, knowing that that boy is still doomed to leave him first. ]
... The time humans have is very short. And yet, that is why each of your lives shines brightly.
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nothing but a curse.
even still....]
.... mm, that's right.
So it's why I have to enjoy the moments I can.
[even if he cannot help but sound - slightly unfulfilled. there is something wanting in his tone - for a life like goat's. where he can live as long as he wants, with a body that heals quickly so he might never die.
isn't that something?]
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all he can do now is squeeze soo-won's hands, as there are no words left he can say. ]
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he squeezes back]
I didn't mean to dampen the conversation - it really isn't anything to be too concerned over.
My only hope is that my time here did not pull away too much from the time I need back in my country.
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[ soo-won really does not want the only kind of immortality goat can give ]
I don't know. Hopefully, then.
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.... well, we'll see. Maybe I'll look into some more medicines before I go back.
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Mm.
[ but before he can say anything more, another bubble drifts and pops or something ig.
in it is a memory... or rather, what feels like a memory within a memory.
You know this is not yours; you are only an observer. You watch from the sky, where down below a man weeps over another's prone body, as a woman next to you speaks.
"It'll start soon." ]