... I still don't remember anything from before then, so some of the details are unclear to me. Where I existed before then, or what I was doing... I do not know.
However, you were right. I am most likely a god, though not one any humans knew of or worshiped.
[ not going to lie, it's a bit of a relief to goat that that didn't immediately put soo-won off. ]
Even after. That was something he said in my previous memories, when we argued on that island, hundreds of years later--that not a single person in the world knew of me. My newly regained memories merely confirm as much.
Aside from my initial descent, it isn't entirely obvious that I am not human, after all, and I had little reason to ever mention it.
My power doesn't depend on others' faith, if that is what you mean.
[ ... ]
But that child... he had suffered much under the oppression of other humans, before I rescued him. Though I meant for him to be free after, he instead insisted on following me, as he was alone in the world and had nowhere else to go.
So, I took him in and raised him. [ surprise, goat is actually a dad ] However... eventually, when he reached the age of sixteen, he didn't agree with my way of doing things. Sick of my presence, he left me.
just kidding soo-won's going to be listening along as they walk through the entire northern area. for goat's sake they're not going to the ruins but like everything else is fair game.]
.... that was kind of you. What made you go down to the human realm to seek out him specifically?
Was it kind, I wonder... In the end, it may have been better for him to grow up among his fellow humans.
[ what is done is done, though. ]
... I don't know. We parted ways, then, and didn't meet again until ten years later--when he was on the brink of death, and then passed away.
[ ... ]
"Everything returns to the earth eventually." That was what I always said, and what I had instructed that child before, when he lost a small friend. Every mortal will face death, sooner or later; one must learn to accept that flow.
[ but there's an odd note to goat's voice that suggests he's not trying to preach the virtues of accepting death right now. ]
[ for just a moment, there's a ghost of a smile on goat's face, hollow and sad. ]
... Yes.
After he passed away, I buried him and made a grave. [ ... ] And then, as the utmost hypocrite, I decided that I could not stand the idea of a world without him.
[ . . . . to be given the power of a god, and then to be turned into something monstrous and bloodthirsty. he thinks about that, thinks about his own experiences.]
... did that serum that Xie Lian and I were given -
Could that have contained some of your power, somehow? Do you think it's because we were both on your team...? Or could that have been a coincidence?
... I don't know. Things like serums are largely unfamiliar to me, as was the setting you found yourselves in.
[ he looks up at the sky again. ]
Though I don't believe it used my powers exactly.
Your physical transformation wasn't quite the same, and ultimately... it was not the nature of my power that corrupted that child, but having power in itself. That anger and resentment towards humanity was something that had existed deep inside him, from long before.
[ . . . . he sighs a bit at that, even if it manages to sit a bit oddly with him.]
.... while I can't blame him, given his circumstances - I'll hope that's the case then. If only so... Xie Lian and I aren't harboring some anger and resentment that I didn't realize.
[the idea of hating humanity... is a foreign one to him. so perhaps selfishly, he'll hope to believe in goat's words.
he shakes his head then, before turning to goat.]
... do you feel regret? Now that you have more of your memories with you. You'd said you were worried - if you were to know more about your life.
[ . . . . there's just a bit of a sigh at that before he pauses their walk so that he can look at goat more directly]
... I'm relieved.
But I also wanted to thank you, for sharing your sorrow with me. I know why you think that these are mistakes.... but I do think that your heart meant no harm when you did them.
So I hope that in the future, you'll continue to share the missing pieces with me as they come back.
... I do not regret descending to save that child. He was innocent back then, and shouldn't be judged for the deeds of his future self. However, to revive him and tear apart the natural order of the world, all for my own selfishness--that is an unforgivable act.
... he must've meant a lot to you, if you went so far to revive him, though. To think that you were in so much pain that you didn't want to consider a world without him.
[ . . . . he doesn't seem like he understands. at least, not on the surface. he's quiet for a long moment, trying to see one person as your entire world but perhaps... he can vaguely understand the sentiment.
to have important people that you wanted to keep with you no matter what - and perhaps soo-won could never make the choice that goat did.
but he also can't say that he wouldn't be tempted.]
.... do you ever think about letting your world get a little bigger than that?
It is difficult to say. After all, my most recent memory, chronologically, is promising to spend the rest of that child's life by his side, before my friend drove her spear through my chest.
I don't know if that is what I'll return to, once we're done here in the Realm, or if my life continues long past that point. If I'm not dead, then I must keep my promise to him, or he may have long since passed of old age regardless.
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he looks up to the sky. ]
It was of that child, again. From the time I entered the world of humans to save him, to when I exiled the two of us to that island.
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[he tilts his head at that]
... tell me the story, if you don't mind?
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However, you were right. I am most likely a god, though not one any humans knew of or worshiped.
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.... so you are.
[he seems to be processing that for a moment before nodding, and giving goat's hand a gentle squeeze]
But then you entered the human realm?
[also uncomfortably familiar but it's fine.]
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Even after. That was something he said in my previous memories, when we argued on that island, hundreds of years later--that not a single person in the world knew of me. My newly regained memories merely confirm as much.
Aside from my initial descent, it isn't entirely obvious that I am not human, after all, and I had little reason to ever mention it.
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Did he want you to be known?
Is it similar to Xie Lian's system of divinity....?
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[ ... ]
But that child... he had suffered much under the oppression of other humans, before I rescued him. Though I meant for him to be free after, he instead insisted on following me, as he was alone in the world and had nowhere else to go.
So, I took him in and raised him. [ surprise, goat is actually a dad ] However... eventually, when he reached the age of sixteen, he didn't agree with my way of doing things. Sick of my presence, he left me.
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just kidding soo-won's going to be listening along as they walk through the entire northern area. for goat's sake they're not going to the ruins but like everything else is fair game.]
.... that was kind of you. What made you go down to the human realm to seek out him specifically?
And where did he go after he left you?
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[ what is done is done, though. ]
... I don't know. We parted ways, then, and didn't meet again until ten years later--when he was on the brink of death, and then passed away.
[ ... ]
"Everything returns to the earth eventually." That was what I always said, and what I had instructed that child before, when he lost a small friend. Every mortal will face death, sooner or later; one must learn to accept that flow.
[ but there's an odd note to goat's voice that suggests he's not trying to preach the virtues of accepting death right now. ]
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[but he.
looks a little surprised at that - confused. they can talk about death in a bit, perhaps, but...]
Passed away? But... hadn't you gone to the island together?
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... Yes.
After he passed away, I buried him and made a grave. [ ... ] And then, as the utmost hypocrite, I decided that I could not stand the idea of a world without him.
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soo-won pauses at that, looking back at goat with an expression that seems to share in his sadness.]
... and so you brought him back.
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... I did. And in doing so, by bestowing some of my power unto him, I inadvertently turned him into that horned being--something no longer human.
And so, after he used that power to kill countless people, I imprisoned the both of us so that we could never harm another human.
[ but soo-won knows how that went, aka not well. the end! ]
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... did that serum that Xie Lian and I were given -
Could that have contained some of your power, somehow? Do you think it's because we were both on your team...? Or could that have been a coincidence?
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[ he looks up at the sky again. ]
Though I don't believe it used my powers exactly.
Your physical transformation wasn't quite the same, and ultimately... it was not the nature of my power that corrupted that child, but having power in itself. That anger and resentment towards humanity was something that had existed deep inside him, from long before.
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.... while I can't blame him, given his circumstances - I'll hope that's the case then. If only so... Xie Lian and I aren't harboring some anger and resentment that I didn't realize.
[the idea of hating humanity... is a foreign one to him. so perhaps selfishly, he'll hope to believe in goat's words.
he shakes his head then, before turning to goat.]
... do you feel regret? Now that you have more of your memories with you. You'd said you were worried - if you were to know more about your life.
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I'm not sure. My heart is heavy, but--this sorrow, I can endure. It's worthwhile to know of my failures, so I know not to repeat my mistakes.
However, I recognize that I'm still missing so much of my life, and I can't predict the missing pieces.
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... I'm relieved.
But I also wanted to thank you, for sharing your sorrow with me. I know why you think that these are mistakes.... but I do think that your heart meant no harm when you did them.
So I hope that in the future, you'll continue to share the missing pieces with me as they come back.
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[ a pause. ]
If that's what you want.
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[ . . . . but.]
... he must've meant a lot to you, if you went so far to revive him, though. To think that you were in so much pain that you didn't want to consider a world without him.
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and then, quietly, ]
He is my world.
[ in a way, it's as much of a realization as it is a statement of goat's feelings, now that he has all of his memories of the boy again.
at least up until the point where he was impaled and possibly died, anyway. ]
... And not merely because he's all I remember right now. That was how I felt, even then, and even after our exile--that he was everything to me.
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to have important people that you wanted to keep with you no matter what - and perhaps soo-won could never make the choice that goat did.
but he also can't say that he wouldn't be tempted.]
.... do you ever think about letting your world get a little bigger than that?
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It is difficult to say. After all, my most recent memory, chronologically, is promising to spend the rest of that child's life by his side, before my friend drove her spear through my chest.
I don't know if that is what I'll return to, once we're done here in the Realm, or if my life continues long past that point. If I'm not dead, then I must keep my promise to him, or he may have long since passed of old age regardless.
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And then what will you do, after his life is done?
[when your world is gone a second time?]
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I don't know.
That child wanted me to live among humans, after his final passing. But given what happened... it doesn't sound as though I am welcome among them.
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