Was it kind, I wonder... In the end, it may have been better for him to grow up among his fellow humans.
[ what is done is done, though. ]
... I don't know. We parted ways, then, and didn't meet again until ten years later--when he was on the brink of death, and then passed away.
[ ... ]
"Everything returns to the earth eventually." That was what I always said, and what I had instructed that child before, when he lost a small friend. Every mortal will face death, sooner or later; one must learn to accept that flow.
[ but there's an odd note to goat's voice that suggests he's not trying to preach the virtues of accepting death right now. ]
[ for just a moment, there's a ghost of a smile on goat's face, hollow and sad. ]
... Yes.
After he passed away, I buried him and made a grave. [ ... ] And then, as the utmost hypocrite, I decided that I could not stand the idea of a world without him.
[ . . . . to be given the power of a god, and then to be turned into something monstrous and bloodthirsty. he thinks about that, thinks about his own experiences.]
... did that serum that Xie Lian and I were given -
Could that have contained some of your power, somehow? Do you think it's because we were both on your team...? Or could that have been a coincidence?
... I don't know. Things like serums are largely unfamiliar to me, as was the setting you found yourselves in.
[ he looks up at the sky again. ]
Though I don't believe it used my powers exactly.
Your physical transformation wasn't quite the same, and ultimately... it was not the nature of my power that corrupted that child, but having power in itself. That anger and resentment towards humanity was something that had existed deep inside him, from long before.
[ . . . . he sighs a bit at that, even if it manages to sit a bit oddly with him.]
.... while I can't blame him, given his circumstances - I'll hope that's the case then. If only so... Xie Lian and I aren't harboring some anger and resentment that I didn't realize.
[the idea of hating humanity... is a foreign one to him. so perhaps selfishly, he'll hope to believe in goat's words.
he shakes his head then, before turning to goat.]
... do you feel regret? Now that you have more of your memories with you. You'd said you were worried - if you were to know more about your life.
[ . . . . there's just a bit of a sigh at that before he pauses their walk so that he can look at goat more directly]
... I'm relieved.
But I also wanted to thank you, for sharing your sorrow with me. I know why you think that these are mistakes.... but I do think that your heart meant no harm when you did them.
So I hope that in the future, you'll continue to share the missing pieces with me as they come back.
... I do not regret descending to save that child. He was innocent back then, and shouldn't be judged for the deeds of his future self. However, to revive him and tear apart the natural order of the world, all for my own selfishness--that is an unforgivable act.
... he must've meant a lot to you, if you went so far to revive him, though. To think that you were in so much pain that you didn't want to consider a world without him.
[ . . . . he doesn't seem like he understands. at least, not on the surface. he's quiet for a long moment, trying to see one person as your entire world but perhaps... he can vaguely understand the sentiment.
to have important people that you wanted to keep with you no matter what - and perhaps soo-won could never make the choice that goat did.
but he also can't say that he wouldn't be tempted.]
.... do you ever think about letting your world get a little bigger than that?
It is difficult to say. After all, my most recent memory, chronologically, is promising to spend the rest of that child's life by his side, before my friend drove her spear through my chest.
I don't know if that is what I'll return to, once we're done here in the Realm, or if my life continues long past that point. If I'm not dead, then I must keep my promise to him, or he may have long since passed of old age regardless.
.... perhaps it's too soon to suggest this, or hope for it - but if there's a chance that you could go somewhere after we stabilize the Realm, and your memories are returned to you, and you don't wish to go back to wherever that place is...
[he offers goat a smile and squeezes his hand gently. they're in the savanna by now i guess? i didn't plan a route for their walk]
Of course.
I'm not sure how all the world traveling works, or if you'd be able to visit but... my home is always welcome to you - even if I'm no longer there myself.
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[ what is done is done, though. ]
... I don't know. We parted ways, then, and didn't meet again until ten years later--when he was on the brink of death, and then passed away.
[ ... ]
"Everything returns to the earth eventually." That was what I always said, and what I had instructed that child before, when he lost a small friend. Every mortal will face death, sooner or later; one must learn to accept that flow.
[ but there's an odd note to goat's voice that suggests he's not trying to preach the virtues of accepting death right now. ]
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[but he.
looks a little surprised at that - confused. they can talk about death in a bit, perhaps, but...]
Passed away? But... hadn't you gone to the island together?
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... Yes.
After he passed away, I buried him and made a grave. [ ... ] And then, as the utmost hypocrite, I decided that I could not stand the idea of a world without him.
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soo-won pauses at that, looking back at goat with an expression that seems to share in his sadness.]
... and so you brought him back.
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... I did. And in doing so, by bestowing some of my power unto him, I inadvertently turned him into that horned being--something no longer human.
And so, after he used that power to kill countless people, I imprisoned the both of us so that we could never harm another human.
[ but soo-won knows how that went, aka not well. the end! ]
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... did that serum that Xie Lian and I were given -
Could that have contained some of your power, somehow? Do you think it's because we were both on your team...? Or could that have been a coincidence?
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[ he looks up at the sky again. ]
Though I don't believe it used my powers exactly.
Your physical transformation wasn't quite the same, and ultimately... it was not the nature of my power that corrupted that child, but having power in itself. That anger and resentment towards humanity was something that had existed deep inside him, from long before.
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.... while I can't blame him, given his circumstances - I'll hope that's the case then. If only so... Xie Lian and I aren't harboring some anger and resentment that I didn't realize.
[the idea of hating humanity... is a foreign one to him. so perhaps selfishly, he'll hope to believe in goat's words.
he shakes his head then, before turning to goat.]
... do you feel regret? Now that you have more of your memories with you. You'd said you were worried - if you were to know more about your life.
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I'm not sure. My heart is heavy, but--this sorrow, I can endure. It's worthwhile to know of my failures, so I know not to repeat my mistakes.
However, I recognize that I'm still missing so much of my life, and I can't predict the missing pieces.
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... I'm relieved.
But I also wanted to thank you, for sharing your sorrow with me. I know why you think that these are mistakes.... but I do think that your heart meant no harm when you did them.
So I hope that in the future, you'll continue to share the missing pieces with me as they come back.
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[ a pause. ]
If that's what you want.
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[ . . . . but.]
... he must've meant a lot to you, if you went so far to revive him, though. To think that you were in so much pain that you didn't want to consider a world without him.
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and then, quietly, ]
He is my world.
[ in a way, it's as much of a realization as it is a statement of goat's feelings, now that he has all of his memories of the boy again.
at least up until the point where he was impaled and possibly died, anyway. ]
... And not merely because he's all I remember right now. That was how I felt, even then, and even after our exile--that he was everything to me.
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to have important people that you wanted to keep with you no matter what - and perhaps soo-won could never make the choice that goat did.
but he also can't say that he wouldn't be tempted.]
.... do you ever think about letting your world get a little bigger than that?
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It is difficult to say. After all, my most recent memory, chronologically, is promising to spend the rest of that child's life by his side, before my friend drove her spear through my chest.
I don't know if that is what I'll return to, once we're done here in the Realm, or if my life continues long past that point. If I'm not dead, then I must keep my promise to him, or he may have long since passed of old age regardless.
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And then what will you do, after his life is done?
[when your world is gone a second time?]
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I don't know.
That child wanted me to live among humans, after his final passing. But given what happened... it doesn't sound as though I am welcome among them.
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.... would you go somewhere else, if you could?
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he thinks for a bit. ]
... I suppose ideally, I would return to where I came from, wherever that may be. I had to have existed somewhere before I descended.
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.... that is true.
[but. he pauses thoughtfully.]
.... perhaps it's too soon to suggest this, or hope for it - but if there's a chance that you could go somewhere after we stabilize the Realm, and your memories are returned to you, and you don't wish to go back to wherever that place is...
You're always welcome to come with me.
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I think... regardless of what happens, I have a duty to that world. I cannot simply leave it because of any unhappiness.
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I think I can understand the sentiment.
Very well then - I simply didn't want the chance to offer to slip me by.
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... Thank you. It is appreciated.
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Of course.
I'm not sure how all the world traveling works, or if you'd be able to visit but... my home is always welcome to you - even if I'm no longer there myself.
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I don't know if we'll be granted the opportunity... so we will see.
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