[ STOP THAT'S USUALLY HIS JOB, YEETING HIMSELF INTO DANGER
as a certified self-sacrificer, xie lian thinks that is a terrible idea, but alright. he waits, uneasy, ruoye live around his wrist just in case, hand on the back of the other chair. ]
A holographic screen pops up in front of Soo-won! Xie Lian can technically read it, but as the chairs are side by side, he might have to lean over the chair he's at to see clearly. ]
Monsters will soon attack. Your assistance is required to activate the defence system, so that they do not advance any further. Are you prepared?
[Yes] | [No]
[ Please select one, Soo-won. (Spoilers: you'll be here for a while if you pick No.) ]
... I'm going to join you, if that's alright. [ he can't just sit by if someone's going to attack them??? hello??? he has done lots of fighting in his life but he does not know how to fight anything in space. especially with nerfed ruoye.
that gut sense of "danger something bad" he's had for the past eight hundred years is going off the rails, at the moment. but it's probably fine!
[ The same screen pops up for Xie Lian! Yes or no, please. Imagine if Xie Lian hit No.
After pressing Yes, Soo-won will feel something prick his neck, sending him into a deep sleep. I'm making you wait until Xie Lian presumably also says Yes, gomen. ]
[The funny thing is that Soo-won wants to say that no, it's not alright because they don't know what the threat is so both of them being incapacitated would not be the optimum strategy for success.
but then he's knocked out like a little bitch so good night]
[ Good thing Soo-won will definitely be with Xie Lian and act as a braincell! Haha. Actually. Hm.
Anyway, before we get to that: as both of them fall unconscious, another message will flicker in their sleep: ]
Stay strong. Your defence is only as powerful as your heart.
[ Given their current state, the message may only register on a subconscious level, but it was there.
Now:
Soo-won will find himself in a ravine. It might be a familiar ravine? It might not be. But a distance away, a figure lies on the ground.
Meanwhile, Xie Lian will find himself in... his kingdom? It stands tall and prospering, with people passing by on the streets. When they see him, they smile and/or bow—he's their beloved prince, after all.
Oh, and Soo-won and Xie Lian will find that the other is definitely not there. Whoops. Separation...........2! ]
soo-won looks around, and frowns when he realizes that he's alone and - in all honesty, he frowns further when he realizes the figure lying on the ground. he startles and pauses, but - ]
Are you alright? I'm coming!
[and he'll walk forward then, at a brisk pace, even with a vague sense of foreboding]
[ there's no soo-won when xie lian seems to step into this life. he takes a deep breath, blinking, and the sights and sounds of where he stands -- xie lian knows this place. he knows the slightly golden streets. he knows the palaces, the curled roof buildings, the sound of music in the air. the people who bow to him, who greet him bright and smiling.
...this is xian le.
....this isn't real.
he affirms it as he exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding, in a whoosh. if this is some sort of an illusion (what kind of defense could this possibly be), then it's best to tread carefully, and he needs to focus on staying steady and find soo-won. ]
...Won? [ he calls out, and starts to search the people milling the streets. when he moves, there's a soft jingle of charms - glancing down at himself, he's dressed in the crown prince who pleased the gods parade costume... minus the sword, of course.
[ As Soo-won approaches, he'll realize that the figure is very, very familiar.
It's his father, Yu-hon. A sword is pierced through him, as blood steadily pools beneath him, but he's... still alive? When he hears Soo-won's voice, his eyes flicker open, and recognition dawns in them. He opens his mouth, clearly trying to speak, and struggling to do so.
As for Xie Lian, Won is not there. Wow, sad. Who will be his friend now? Maybe this innocent-looking civilian child tugging on the hem of his clothes! Looks like she's trying to get his attention. ]
[I'd thought that he was the greatest person. I thought that I would even become a soldier myself, and fight alongside him on the battlefield, and I'd give my life at his command.
hadn't he said those words to someone just days ago?
the rush of it, the realization of what he's witnessing, slams into him with the intensity of an arrow - and yet his feet pull him forward, without reason.]
Father!
[his father, his dearest memory, his inspiration, his role model - lying on the ground and soo-won looks up, treacherously, as if to get a glimpse of who he knows waits at the top of the cliff
before he rushes to his father's side, crumbles on the ground next to him, looking at the wound (just where he knew it'd be, he's seen this before) and mind rushing to determine how to stop the bleeding]
I'm here, Father. I'm here.
[this is a trick, his mind tells him. this is a trick. he needs to be aware of the larger picture, and he needs to find xie lian and determine what monsters need to be fought.]
[ how strange it is, to be called "dianxia", by such a small, sweet voice. the crown prince who pleased the gods. beloved prince. his royal highness. these are all titles that xie lian has left so far behind that sometimes it feels like it was in a different lifetime.
but it wasn't.
still, for now, he tries to keep a level head. xie lian's still looking for soo-won in the crowd when he feels the tug at the bottom of his costume, and he glances down. (that's good - if he's being touched, he can reason that whatever this is must have been before his first ascension, if it's pulling from his memories.
or... from before his second one. which could be far, far worse.) even before, he would've reached out to a child reaching for him, and this is no different.
he kneels, still a bit cautious, but willing to play along with this all for now. ] Young lady?
[ Despite his injuries, as his life blood continues to spill, Yu-hon tries to reach out a shaking hand towards Soo-won. ]
My son... already so strong and clever at your age... [ With the struggle of a dying man— ] If I could watch over you and your mother for just a bit longer...
[ An unsteady breath, as the light begins to fade from his eyes. ]
Heed my request, Soo-won...
[ Meanwhile, over with Xie Lian...
The little girl smiles up at him, her face full of shy awe. ]
Thank you for everything you do for us. We're— [ she stumbles over her words, in a way that a young child, not quite used to eloquence, might ] —we're very fortunate to have you as our prince. Please continue to look after us!
[ She holds up what looks to be a bun. a meager offering for the crown prince, but she's doing her best...! ]
it's wrong, it's wrong. soo-won's mind tells him this because the man in front of him told him that he must apply his reasoning to situations swiftly in order to arrive at answers. there is no way to go back in time, there is no way to be there with his father in his last moments - certainly not in this form, not at this age. this is a trick conjured by the chair he sat in, by this place.
would rejecting his father be the correct answer here, in order to protect his own heart? but even now he feels that's wrong, even now he knows that he would never do such a thing.
he takes his father's hand - he remembers it well, it used to ruffle his hair before bed, or hoist him high enough to touch the sky.]
... Mother will be after you in time. [for they both know how ill she is - it is an inevitability] I'll serve as your replacement until she's gone - I won't leave her alone, and I'll carry your strength. Then you'll be together again.
I'll be alright, Father.
[even if he'll be left alone.
but it's alright, for his parents loved each other so much - they ought to have a chance to be reunited, even if it's in death. soo-won can be alone, because he won't break from the stress of it - because he can handle it. whatever this illusion is, he can handle it too.]
[ the look on the girl's face twinges a sad, lost nostalgia for xie lian. he looks at her for a moment, recalling the face of another tiny child he helped, once, teary eyed and wondrous, in the crook of his arm in the middle of a parade. standing in a tiny, miserable shack of a temple, caring for his statue, years later. swearing, to believe in him no matter what.
but there's no warmth that comes from having followers from the little girl's sweet, kind smile, the kind that pulses your spiritual energy when you're a god, that sings and hums and crackles to your fingertips. xie lian doesn't have any, and he hasn't for centuries.
but he looks at the bun, anyway, and he gives her a smile, as soft and kind and warm as the flower crowned martial god had always been, and reaches to take the bun from her hands. ]
Thank you, young lady. I... [ xie lian hesitates. this isn't real.
maybe if it's fake, it's a little dream of what could have been. ] ...I'll do my best.
[ At Soo-won's words, some calmness settles on Yu-hon's face, despite the clear pain. ]
My brother's delusions will lead the country to ruin... You must not let it fall into the hands of the gods...!
[ A gasp, as he continues to struggle to speak. ]
Soo-won, you must protect Kouka—!
[ And over with Xie Lian:
The little girl beams up at him—before her expression twists into a frown, one of pain, and she clutches her chest. ]
P-Prince... it hurts. Something's wrong...
[ If Xie Lian is paying attention to any of his other surroundings, some of the passing civilians are beginning to halt, pain filtering through their faces as well. ]
[even in his youth, he remembers telling his mother that he agreed with his father's last words. that he was glad for them. if his father could possess the country in his heart at the very end, then soo-won could pick up the pieces for him and carry them forever.
oh, but how it aches to lose him.
how he wishes that he had more time with his heroic father, how they could have battled together side by side. his heart feels as though it's breaking in his chest -
but he wears a smile, gentle and self-assured, even though he feels as though he's coming apart. for his father who lived his life so valiantly and proudly, soo-won can offer him this comfort in his last moments. that's what he has to do - that's what he will always do.
it does not matter if he is aching on the inside, if he can grant this small kindness.]
.... I'll look after our kingdom, Father. I'll make it into something strong enough that it won't be invaded -
And it will be in the hands of the people, without relying on any gods.
I'm almost there.
[and then, if he's lucky, will he get to be with his parents, too?]
[ this isn't real, xie lian tells himself. over, and over. this isn't real.
but that doesn't stop him from being xie lian. it means he can't just ignore the sight of someone in pain, and immediately, he reaches out to put his hand against the girl's back, lest she fall. ]
Hold still. [ he says, eerily reminiscent of another time in his life - remembering the camp full of soldiers and feeling the rise of a familiar, deep anxiety in his gut. it isn't real, he tells himself, again, as he takes a deep breath to face what he thinks he may see. ]
[ With that, Yu-hon gives Soo-won a relieved smile, as if content that everything will be all right in Soo-won's hands. ]
... Be happy, Soo-won.
[ And then, he breathes his last.
...
For a moment, it might seem as though that's all. Soo-won is alone in the ravine with his thoughts, as all is quiet. Then—
Though it doesn't appear that physical pain appears in this strange dimension he's in—but oddly, he seems to be getting groggier—he'll feel the cold sharpness of a blade pointed at the back of his neck. With that said, that might be nothing next to the voice that follows, perhaps even more familiar than his father's. It's one he's heard not so long ago, after all; and one he's heard furious before. ]
You'll look after the kingdom?
[ Soo-won's surroundings gradually shift, until he finds himself in the gardens in which he once played with his friends as children.
Hak speaks. ]
And over whose blood?
[ Over with Xie Lian, who likewise might feel himself getting groggier, though certainly not enough that it'd lessen any anxiety:
Gradually, if Xie Lian pays attention, his surroundings shift. People collapse, or begin to fight one another. What was once the splendour of a proud city fades to ruin. Peace turns to chaos.
And the little girl, in pain and in so much fear, holds out her hand, and underneath her sleeves, Xie Lian will see what he just might expect.
It's the Human Face Plague.
Shaky, as she stares at him with betrayed eyes, she asks— ]
[if he can give his father that kind of goodbye, then soo-won can maintain his calm smile until the end, even as he hears his father's parting words and knows in his heart: ah, I can't.
it's the voice that comes next that sends a chill down his spine, that seems to take the arrow that's impaled his heart and twist it.
the gardens change and he recognizes that this isn't reality, just as he'd thought. it's not true, and the voice that speaks to him is one that isn't here, but it's also one that he deserves. of course.
be happy?
ah, I can't.
not when he knows the anguish and rage that he caused this person who he used to hold so highly in regard, who was his goal.
he makes no attempt to dispel the rage directed at him, as again, he can't bring himself to move.]
... you know whose, Hak.
Though I can't say that I take kindly to them borrowing your likeness for an illusion, too.
[ xie lian knows exactly what's coming. he knows exactly what he's going to see, when the little girl reaches for her sleeve.
it doesn't make seeing it any easier.
on her arm, the blackened faces of the human face plague stare at him, sores like eyesockets and gruesome mouths, moving underneath her skin. they open their mouths when they're exposed to the light, drawn desperate towards it, and xie lian's heart constricts in his chest, the immediate fear racing down his spine as if he's been dunked into ice cold water. his intake of breath is sharp, horrified.
and yet, despite that, he feels something like sleep, or waking, threatening to overtake him. it's that sense of grogginess that helps him stay grounded. this is a dream. xie lian's grip on the little girl's wrist tightens, and he doesn't look past her, to the sounds of chaos around him. of war. of the once beautiful kingdom of ashes and the prince who did everything he could to save it, and failed.
it's not real. the human face plague is gone. xian le is gone. it's been hundreds of years. ]
I know, [ he says, forcing himself to exhale. your heart is your only defense, the statement tight with his guilt, with his hurt, for the thousands of little lives just like this. ] I know. I'm so sorry.
[ There's the sound of laughter. Not from Hak, behind Soo-won, but in front: from the images of three children playing in the garden. A young Soo-won, with Hak and Yona. A time when they could still smile at one another, not yet fully aware of what the future held. ]
Do you remember, Soo-won? When we met the Princess? Playing with the cat?
[ The end of the spear digs into Soo-won's neck, just a bit. Again, Soo-won will feel no pain, and no actual wound forms, but there's an odd, almost electrifying sensation to remind him of its presence.
As Hak's grip on his weapon tightens, so does his voice. ]
Do you remember what you trampled over for your ambitions!?
[ Over in Xian Le—wait, no. Sorry, Xian Le doesn't exist anymore because it was ruined. Whoops!
Anyway, over where Xie Lian is, the little girl cries. Tears fall from her eyes, but when she speaks, yanking her wrist from Xie Lian's grasp, her voice is both full of grief and anger. ]
"Sorry" won't save me. It won't save my parents, or my friends—any of us! I want this to end, I don't want this—help me, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...!
[ She's not the only one crying out. All around Xie Lian, there are screams of horror, anger, and grief. People trying to sever their infected limbs, women who take knives to themselves rather than live with this deformation—
he remembers this day - he remembers it as clearly as any other. the first day that they all met, when he admired hak upon first sight, and finally got to see yona again. he feels the spear dig into his neck and it's at odds with the gentle sight in front of him, and the violence upon his person from someone he loved so dearly.
but he deserves this.]
I do.
[unflinchingly, because he doesn't look away from what he's done. the children in front of him will suffer for the decisions that he made - even if he doesn't remember every detail, he knows what he kept in his heart for a decade afterward. he knows the dishonesty he brewed.]
Of course I do.
[there's no way in which this cannot hurt him - to witness exactly what it is that he lost. the love and innocence of those days together, that he never wanted to end. but children don't know the matters of war, and they don't know how to save a kingdom - so he had to grow up far faster than his friends.]
he freezes. the human face plague is horrifying, but the last time xie lian saw any remnant of it that was catchable was centuries ago. lang ying's case aside, it was wiped out, thanks to the sacrifice of a nameless young man, and the combined (barely) efforts of himself, and the heavenly emperor.
since ling wen told him of the four calamties, even just the name had sent a chill down xie lian's spine - but, as she was quick to remind him, that calamity was gone. dealt with.
that voice like liquid mercury is the one that haunts xie lian's dreams. he doesn't need to turn around, to know the unblinking, masked face that stares behind him. half laughing, half crying. ]
...You. [ xie lian says, slowly, and every line of his body turns tense.
the white no face.
xie lian's hand tightens on the little girl's wrist. he refuses to turn around, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. this - this is xie lian's worst nightmare.
but that's just it -- it's his worst nightmare. the first calamity is gone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ STOP THAT'S USUALLY HIS JOB, YEETING HIMSELF INTO DANGER
as a certified self-sacrificer, xie lian thinks that is a terrible idea, but alright. he waits, uneasy, ruoye live around his wrist just in case, hand on the back of the other chair. ]
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A holographic screen pops up in front of Soo-won! Xie Lian can technically read it, but as the chairs are side by side, he might have to lean over the chair he's at to see clearly. ]
Monsters will soon attack. Your assistance is required to activate the defence system, so that they do not advance any further. Are you prepared?
[Yes] | [No]
[ Please select one, Soo-won. (Spoilers: you'll be here for a while if you pick No.) ]
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Well, no problem so far, I suppose. I can't think of any way to better prepare than this.
[and he'll reach out to tap Yes hopefully that works!]
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... I'm going to join you, if that's alright. [ he can't just sit by if someone's going to attack them??? hello??? he has done lots of fighting in his life but he does not know how to fight anything in space. especially with nerfed ruoye.
that gut sense of "danger something bad" he's had for the past eight hundred years is going off the rails, at the moment. but it's probably fine!
time to go sit! ]
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After pressing Yes, Soo-won will feel something prick his neck, sending him into a deep sleep. I'm making you wait until Xie Lian presumably also says Yes, gomen. ]
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but then he's knocked out like a little bitch so good night]
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xie lian, who cannot watch a person run into a situation by himself, is not a smart person!
he hits that yes button faster than you can say "this is probably fine"
goodnight sweet king and prince ]
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Anyway, before we get to that: as both of them fall unconscious, another message will flicker in their sleep: ]
Stay strong. Your defence is only as powerful as your heart.
[ Given their current state, the message may only register on a subconscious level, but it was there.
Now:
Soo-won will find himself in a ravine. It might be a familiar ravine? It might not be. But a distance away, a figure lies on the ground.
Meanwhile, Xie Lian will find himself in... his kingdom? It stands tall and prospering, with people passing by on the streets. When they see him, they smile and/or bow—he's their beloved prince, after all.
Oh, and Soo-won and Xie Lian will find that the other is definitely not there. Whoops. Separation...........2! ]
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soo-won looks around, and frowns when he realizes that he's alone and - in all honesty, he frowns further when he realizes the figure lying on the ground. he startles and pauses, but - ]
Are you alright? I'm coming!
[and he'll walk forward then, at a brisk pace, even with a vague sense of foreboding]
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...this is xian le.
....this isn't real.
he affirms it as he exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding, in a whoosh. if this is some sort of an illusion (what kind of defense could this possibly be), then it's best to tread carefully, and he needs to focus on staying steady and find soo-won. ]
...Won? [ he calls out, and starts to search the people milling the streets. when he moves, there's a soft jingle of charms - glancing down at himself, he's dressed in the crown prince who pleased the gods parade costume... minus the sword, of course.
how fitting. no matter.
time to find won! who is not there! ]
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It's his father, Yu-hon. A sword is pierced through him, as blood steadily pools beneath him, but he's... still alive? When he hears Soo-won's voice, his eyes flicker open, and recognition dawns in them. He opens his mouth, clearly trying to speak, and struggling to do so.
As for Xie Lian, Won is not there. Wow, sad. Who will be his friend now? Maybe this innocent-looking civilian child tugging on the hem of his clothes! Looks like she's trying to get his attention. ]
Prince...?
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hadn't he said those words to someone just days ago?
the rush of it, the realization of what he's witnessing, slams into him with the intensity of an arrow - and yet his feet pull him forward, without reason.]
Father!
[his father, his dearest memory, his inspiration, his role model - lying on the ground and soo-won looks up, treacherously, as if to get a glimpse of who he knows waits at the top of the cliff
before he rushes to his father's side, crumbles on the ground next to him, looking at the wound (just where he knew it'd be, he's seen this before) and mind rushing to determine how to stop the bleeding]
I'm here, Father. I'm here.
[this is a trick, his mind tells him. this is a trick. he needs to be aware of the larger picture, and he needs to find xie lian and determine what monsters need to be fought.]
... Father, if they're using you....
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but it wasn't.
still, for now, he tries to keep a level head. xie lian's still looking for soo-won in the crowd when he feels the tug at the bottom of his costume, and he glances down. (that's good - if he's being touched, he can reason that whatever this is must have been before his first ascension, if it's pulling from his memories.
or... from before his second one. which could be far, far worse.) even before, he would've reached out to a child reaching for him, and this is no different.
he kneels, still a bit cautious, but willing to play along with this all for now. ] Young lady?
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My son... already so strong and clever at your age... [ With the struggle of a dying man— ] If I could watch over you and your mother for just a bit longer...
[ An unsteady breath, as the light begins to fade from his eyes. ]
Heed my request, Soo-won...
[ Meanwhile, over with Xie Lian...
The little girl smiles up at him, her face full of shy awe. ]
Thank you for everything you do for us. We're— [ she stumbles over her words, in a way that a young child, not quite used to eloquence, might ] —we're very fortunate to have you as our prince. Please continue to look after us!
[ She holds up what looks to be a bun. a meager offering for the crown prince, but she's doing her best...! ]
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it's wrong, it's wrong. soo-won's mind tells him this because the man in front of him told him that he must apply his reasoning to situations swiftly in order to arrive at answers. there is no way to go back in time, there is no way to be there with his father in his last moments - certainly not in this form, not at this age. this is a trick conjured by the chair he sat in, by this place.
would rejecting his father be the correct answer here, in order to protect his own heart? but even now he feels that's wrong, even now he knows that he would never do such a thing.
he takes his father's hand - he remembers it well, it used to ruffle his hair before bed, or hoist him high enough to touch the sky.]
... Mother will be after you in time. [for they both know how ill she is - it is an inevitability] I'll serve as your replacement until she's gone - I won't leave her alone, and I'll carry your strength. Then you'll be together again.
I'll be alright, Father.
[even if he'll be left alone.
but it's alright, for his parents loved each other so much - they ought to have a chance to be reunited, even if it's in death. soo-won can be alone, because he won't break from the stress of it - because he can handle it. whatever this illusion is, he can handle it too.]
What is your request?
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but there's no warmth that comes from having followers from the little girl's sweet, kind smile, the kind that pulses your spiritual energy when you're a god, that sings and hums and crackles to your fingertips. xie lian doesn't have any, and he hasn't for centuries.
but he looks at the bun, anyway, and he gives her a smile, as soft and kind and warm as the flower crowned martial god had always been, and reaches to take the bun from her hands. ]
Thank you, young lady. I... [ xie lian hesitates. this isn't real.
maybe if it's fake, it's a little dream of what could have been. ] ...I'll do my best.
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My brother's delusions will lead the country to ruin... You must not let it fall into the hands of the gods...!
[ A gasp, as he continues to struggle to speak. ]
Soo-won, you must protect Kouka—!
[ And over with Xie Lian:
The little girl beams up at him—before her expression twists into a frown, one of pain, and she clutches her chest. ]
P-Prince... it hurts. Something's wrong...
[ If Xie Lian is paying attention to any of his other surroundings, some of the passing civilians are beginning to halt, pain filtering through their faces as well. ]
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oh, but how it aches to lose him.
how he wishes that he had more time with his heroic father, how they could have battled together side by side. his heart feels as though it's breaking in his chest -
but he wears a smile, gentle and self-assured, even though he feels as though he's coming apart. for his father who lived his life so valiantly and proudly, soo-won can offer him this comfort in his last moments. that's what he has to do - that's what he will always do.
it does not matter if he is aching on the inside, if he can grant this small kindness.]
.... I'll look after our kingdom, Father. I'll make it into something strong enough that it won't be invaded -
And it will be in the hands of the people, without relying on any gods.
I'm almost there.
[and then, if he's lucky, will he get to be with his parents, too?]
You can rest at ease. Be at peace.
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but that doesn't stop him from being xie lian. it means he can't just ignore the sight of someone in pain, and immediately, he reaches out to put his hand against the girl's back, lest she fall. ]
Hold still. [ he says, eerily reminiscent of another time in his life - remembering the camp full of soldiers and feeling the rise of a familiar, deep anxiety in his gut. it isn't real, he tells himself, again, as he takes a deep breath to face what he thinks he may see. ]
Will you let me see?
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... Be happy, Soo-won.
[ And then, he breathes his last.
...
For a moment, it might seem as though that's all. Soo-won is alone in the ravine with his thoughts, as all is quiet. Then—
Though it doesn't appear that physical pain appears in this strange dimension he's in—but oddly, he seems to be getting groggier—he'll feel the cold sharpness of a blade pointed at the back of his neck. With that said, that might be nothing next to the voice that follows, perhaps even more familiar than his father's. It's one he's heard not so long ago, after all; and one he's heard furious before. ]
You'll look after the kingdom?
[ Soo-won's surroundings gradually shift, until he finds himself in the gardens in which he once played with his friends as children.
Hak speaks. ]
And over whose blood?
[ Over with Xie Lian, who likewise might feel himself getting groggier, though certainly not enough that it'd lessen any anxiety:
Gradually, if Xie Lian pays attention, his surroundings shift. People collapse, or begin to fight one another. What was once the splendour of a proud city fades to ruin. Peace turns to chaos.
And the little girl, in pain and in so much fear, holds out her hand, and underneath her sleeves, Xie Lian will see what he just might expect.
It's the Human Face Plague.
Shaky, as she stares at him with betrayed eyes, she asks— ]
Your Highness... why did you do this to us?
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it's the voice that comes next that sends a chill down his spine, that seems to take the arrow that's impaled his heart and twist it.
the gardens change and he recognizes that this isn't reality, just as he'd thought. it's not true, and the voice that speaks to him is one that isn't here, but it's also one that he deserves. of course.
be happy?
ah, I can't.
not when he knows the anguish and rage that he caused this person who he used to hold so highly in regard, who was his goal.
he makes no attempt to dispel the rage directed at him, as again, he can't bring himself to move.]
... you know whose, Hak.
Though I can't say that I take kindly to them borrowing your likeness for an illusion, too.
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it doesn't make seeing it any easier.
on her arm, the blackened faces of the human face plague stare at him, sores like eyesockets and gruesome mouths, moving underneath her skin. they open their mouths when they're exposed to the light, drawn desperate towards it, and xie lian's heart constricts in his chest, the immediate fear racing down his spine as if he's been dunked into ice cold water. his intake of breath is sharp, horrified.
and yet, despite that, he feels something like sleep, or waking, threatening to overtake him. it's that sense of grogginess that helps him stay grounded. this is a dream. xie lian's grip on the little girl's wrist tightens, and he doesn't look past her, to the sounds of chaos around him. of war. of the once beautiful kingdom of ashes and the prince who did everything he could to save it, and failed.
it's not real. the human face plague is gone. xian le is gone. it's been hundreds of years. ]
I know, [ he says, forcing himself to exhale. your heart is your only defense, the statement tight with his guilt, with his hurt, for the thousands of little lives just like this. ] I know. I'm so sorry.
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Do you remember, Soo-won? When we met the Princess? Playing with the cat?
[ The end of the spear digs into Soo-won's neck, just a bit. Again, Soo-won will feel no pain, and no actual wound forms, but there's an odd, almost electrifying sensation to remind him of its presence.
As Hak's grip on his weapon tightens, so does his voice. ]
Do you remember what you trampled over for your ambitions!?
[ Over in Xian Le—wait, no. Sorry, Xian Le doesn't exist anymore because it was ruined. Whoops!
Anyway, over where Xie Lian is, the little girl cries. Tears fall from her eyes, but when she speaks, yanking her wrist from Xie Lian's grasp, her voice is both full of grief and anger. ]
"Sorry" won't save me. It won't save my parents, or my friends—any of us! I want this to end, I don't want this—help me, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...!
[ She's not the only one crying out. All around Xie Lian, there are screams of horror, anger, and grief. People trying to sever their infected limbs, women who take knives to themselves rather than live with this deformation—
And then, from behind Xie Lian, a voice speaks. It's one that should be familiar to him... albeit one he likely never wanted to hear again. ]
She's right, Your Highness. You'll "do your best"? Your best wasn't enough to help them. What have you ever managed to protect, in your life?
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he remembers this day - he remembers it as clearly as any other. the first day that they all met, when he admired hak upon first sight, and finally got to see yona again. he feels the spear dig into his neck and it's at odds with the gentle sight in front of him, and the violence upon his person from someone he loved so dearly.
but he deserves this.]
I do.
[unflinchingly, because he doesn't look away from what he's done. the children in front of him will suffer for the decisions that he made - even if he doesn't remember every detail, he knows what he kept in his heart for a decade afterward. he knows the dishonesty he brewed.]
Of course I do.
[there's no way in which this cannot hurt him - to witness exactly what it is that he lost. the love and innocence of those days together, that he never wanted to end. but children don't know the matters of war, and they don't know how to save a kingdom - so he had to grow up far faster than his friends.]
But I cannot take any of it back.
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is when xie lian stops breathing.
he freezes. the human face plague is horrifying, but the last time xie lian saw any remnant of it that was catchable was centuries ago. lang ying's case aside, it was wiped out, thanks to the sacrifice of a nameless young man, and the combined (barely) efforts of himself, and the heavenly emperor.
since ling wen told him of the four calamties, even just the name had sent a chill down xie lian's spine - but, as she was quick to remind him, that calamity was gone. dealt with.
that voice like liquid mercury is the one that haunts xie lian's dreams. he doesn't need to turn around, to know the unblinking, masked face that stares behind him. half laughing, half crying. ]
...You. [ xie lian says, slowly, and every line of his body turns tense.
the white no face.
xie lian's hand tightens on the little girl's wrist. he refuses to turn around, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. this - this is xie lian's worst nightmare.
but that's just it -- it's his worst nightmare. the first calamity is gone.
xie lian takes a deep breath. ] You aren't real.
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