[if he can give his father that kind of goodbye, then soo-won can maintain his calm smile until the end, even as he hears his father's parting words and knows in his heart: ah, I can't.
it's the voice that comes next that sends a chill down his spine, that seems to take the arrow that's impaled his heart and twist it.
the gardens change and he recognizes that this isn't reality, just as he'd thought. it's not true, and the voice that speaks to him is one that isn't here, but it's also one that he deserves. of course.
be happy?
ah, I can't.
not when he knows the anguish and rage that he caused this person who he used to hold so highly in regard, who was his goal.
he makes no attempt to dispel the rage directed at him, as again, he can't bring himself to move.]
... you know whose, Hak.
Though I can't say that I take kindly to them borrowing your likeness for an illusion, too.
[ xie lian knows exactly what's coming. he knows exactly what he's going to see, when the little girl reaches for her sleeve.
it doesn't make seeing it any easier.
on her arm, the blackened faces of the human face plague stare at him, sores like eyesockets and gruesome mouths, moving underneath her skin. they open their mouths when they're exposed to the light, drawn desperate towards it, and xie lian's heart constricts in his chest, the immediate fear racing down his spine as if he's been dunked into ice cold water. his intake of breath is sharp, horrified.
and yet, despite that, he feels something like sleep, or waking, threatening to overtake him. it's that sense of grogginess that helps him stay grounded. this is a dream. xie lian's grip on the little girl's wrist tightens, and he doesn't look past her, to the sounds of chaos around him. of war. of the once beautiful kingdom of ashes and the prince who did everything he could to save it, and failed.
it's not real. the human face plague is gone. xian le is gone. it's been hundreds of years. ]
I know, [ he says, forcing himself to exhale. your heart is your only defense, the statement tight with his guilt, with his hurt, for the thousands of little lives just like this. ] I know. I'm so sorry.
[ There's the sound of laughter. Not from Hak, behind Soo-won, but in front: from the images of three children playing in the garden. A young Soo-won, with Hak and Yona. A time when they could still smile at one another, not yet fully aware of what the future held. ]
Do you remember, Soo-won? When we met the Princess? Playing with the cat?
[ The end of the spear digs into Soo-won's neck, just a bit. Again, Soo-won will feel no pain, and no actual wound forms, but there's an odd, almost electrifying sensation to remind him of its presence.
As Hak's grip on his weapon tightens, so does his voice. ]
Do you remember what you trampled over for your ambitions!?
[ Over in Xian Le—wait, no. Sorry, Xian Le doesn't exist anymore because it was ruined. Whoops!
Anyway, over where Xie Lian is, the little girl cries. Tears fall from her eyes, but when she speaks, yanking her wrist from Xie Lian's grasp, her voice is both full of grief and anger. ]
"Sorry" won't save me. It won't save my parents, or my friends—any of us! I want this to end, I don't want this—help me, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...!
[ She's not the only one crying out. All around Xie Lian, there are screams of horror, anger, and grief. People trying to sever their infected limbs, women who take knives to themselves rather than live with this deformation—
he remembers this day - he remembers it as clearly as any other. the first day that they all met, when he admired hak upon first sight, and finally got to see yona again. he feels the spear dig into his neck and it's at odds with the gentle sight in front of him, and the violence upon his person from someone he loved so dearly.
but he deserves this.]
I do.
[unflinchingly, because he doesn't look away from what he's done. the children in front of him will suffer for the decisions that he made - even if he doesn't remember every detail, he knows what he kept in his heart for a decade afterward. he knows the dishonesty he brewed.]
Of course I do.
[there's no way in which this cannot hurt him - to witness exactly what it is that he lost. the love and innocence of those days together, that he never wanted to end. but children don't know the matters of war, and they don't know how to save a kingdom - so he had to grow up far faster than his friends.]
he freezes. the human face plague is horrifying, but the last time xie lian saw any remnant of it that was catchable was centuries ago. lang ying's case aside, it was wiped out, thanks to the sacrifice of a nameless young man, and the combined (barely) efforts of himself, and the heavenly emperor.
since ling wen told him of the four calamties, even just the name had sent a chill down xie lian's spine - but, as she was quick to remind him, that calamity was gone. dealt with.
that voice like liquid mercury is the one that haunts xie lian's dreams. he doesn't need to turn around, to know the unblinking, masked face that stares behind him. half laughing, half crying. ]
...You. [ xie lian says, slowly, and every line of his body turns tense.
the white no face.
xie lian's hand tightens on the little girl's wrist. he refuses to turn around, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. this - this is xie lian's worst nightmare.
but that's just it -- it's his worst nightmare. the first calamity is gone.
[ Whatever Hak wanted to hear, that wasn't it. But, most likely, Soo-won knew from the beginning. That no answer could ever satisfy his former friend, that nothing could excuse what has come to pass. ]
—Then you can die with those ambitions, alone!
[ And with that, he drives his spear through Soo-won's torso. There is no pain, no blood, and yet Soo-won will see the blade as it sticks out from his chest. That electrifying sensation sparks through where he should be injured, before he will lose consciousness.
The last thing he will hear is Hak's voice, low, full of hate, and unforgiving. ]
The Princess and I—we will move forward without you.
[ When he awakens once more, it burns. A deep, aching sensation in his chest that spreads throughout his body, as if his body on fire.
Oh, and everything else is literally on fire too. That isn't helping. Around him, Kouka—his beloved home—burns.
Over with Xie Lian:
He will hear footsteps approaching, slowly, from behind him. Again, Bai Wuxiang speaks. ]
Did you think I would disappear so easily? Hasn't a part of you always doubted? That all of this has been my doing from the start...?
And now, you know.
[ There's a pause, before he continues. ]
... But I'm not the only one you should fear, am I?
[ The people around Xie Lian—scared, confused, angry—turn to look at him. When did those blades appear...? On the ground, in their hands... Each of the people, infected with the Human Face Plague, arms themselves. The little girl disappears from Xie Lian's grip, as if a phantom that no longer exists, leaving behind only a whisper in the air. ]
the sensation of being stabbed by kouka's thunder beast is one that he imagines comes this quickly for others - and he supposes that it's not a surprise when he joins the number. it fails to surprise him - is what he'd like to say, but even if his head knows that this is the next logical step, there is no balm for the way that his heart feels as though it's been pierced.
when hak suggests that he and yona will move on without him, he thinks to himself: good, I knew you'd always protect her. how funny, that even in a simulation, he knows that he can rely on hak on matters most important.
he loses consciousness - and the feeling that envelops him next is familiar. if it were a little less painful, he wonders if he'd be able to pull his mouth into a smile or a laugh.]
This place seeks to - break me, does it?
[are these the monsters that were ready to attack? was he truly prepared to deal with them? it all feels so real, it all looks so real that he knows that these are the images that will follow him in nightmares for days to come.
still, he tries to stagger to his feet, as if to find an answer - or a way out.]
the moment that virid was able to speak his own memories again - the moment xie lian realized why he was able to do so, the white no face was the first thought on his mind. after all, he was the originator of the human face plague, and the originator of its horrible, horrible cure.
spoken into the air, around them.
xie lian jerks backwards as she disappears from his grip, reaching at his belt for a sword that isn't there, and hasn't been in centuries. when his head lifts, he sees them. scared, angry people, desperate for a cure.
the adrenaline reacts first, the fear striking him as viciously as the first blade had that day.
"so in other words, even if we kill him, he won't die?! that's great!"
"the common people are here, xian le. go save them." the white no face had mocked, then, holding him tied up on his own altar, waiting, waiting. watching, as humanity showed its hands. just like now. for a moment, xie lian is frozen to his spot, standing there and facing down the worst moment of his life, again, the white no face at his back.
and in this moment, xie lian doesn't think about how unreal this situation is, or how this is just the subject of a nightmare. he doesn't think about that night at the temple.
he thinks, instead, of a young soldier named no one, and takes a deep breath. ]
-- COME ON THEN! [ xie lian roars, at the top of his lungs, throwing his arms out to the side, open, waiting. ] I can't die! Do what you must, stab me if you need to save yourselves and your families!
[ he's been here, before, heart racing in his chest, terrified, but energized all the same. if it takes a day. if it takes a month. if he's reduced to a puddle of flesh and has to spend agonizing weeks of his own nightmares reforming his body thanks to the immortality this being had bestowed on him as a nightmarish gift-- ] Do you think I wouldn't let the whole world do this to stop your plague, White No Face?! Do you think I'll let you break me ever again?! Who the hell do you think I am?!
[ xie lian's attention falls to the people in front of him, the furious crowd, his voice rising in volume. ] I am the Crown Prince of Xian Le, and I have failed you! This monster wanted to teach me a lesson, and used you as collateral -- and you aren't collateral! You were the reason I ascended, my followers, and I failed you. I couldn't save the common people as a god, and not as a person, either--
[ he slaps his chest, right over his heart, tears in his eyes. ] --But that doesn't mean I can't keep trying!
Come on, then! I can save the people because I want to! I can give myself up as their shield, because I want to! I'm not afraid of you, White No Face - and I don't need you to teach me anything! I won't be like you! I'll never!
[ Soo-won will struggle to find a way out. Literally. The burning from inside him intensifies, until his entire body sears in pain. How much can his determination overcome his physical limits?
There are people approaching him. He will recognize them as palace servants, perhaps members of the army—people he knows who serve him and look to him for orders, guidance. ]
Your Majesty!
[ But he is tired, and his body hurts so much...
Over with Xie Lian:
Once Xie Lian's speech is over, Bai Wuxiang lets out a low laugh. ]
You'll never break? You'll never be like me?
I'm sure that everyone, as they lay suffering, as they die in agony—they'll be glad to know that, o Xian Le. That it's all right, because you, at least, will stand strong amidst their misery, such pathetic beings that they are next to you.
[ He's quiet for a moment, as if considering this. ]
Very well. You're right. Since you will be fine no matter what happens... there's no reason for them to point their blades at you, is there? After all, it's not only your "death" that cures the disease.
[ And so, the people around Xie Lian begin to turn against one another. Regardless of friends or family, they fight, desperate. Even if Xie Lian tries to stop them, tries to come in between them—he will find that nothing can injure him, and there is no pain, only an electrifying sensation.
In the distance, Ruoye flutters in the air, before it slowly starts to fly away. ]
['heavy is the head that wears the crown,' they would say, but it's clear that they did not know the half of it.
soo-won is dizzy, and he is exhausted, and more than that, he knows that this is all false. he knows that there is no reason why kouka would suffer this fate, so suddenly. not when the generals are finally united, and their system of alarm works. not when yona and her comrades are out there, and while he does not wish to rely on them - he knows that they would never cause this much destruction to their beloved home.
a lie works into his head, trying to discern what falsities to say - he is simply dizzy from smoke inhalation. it's painful. breathing is painful. watching his ambitions go up in literal flames is painful.
he breathes out, in difficult breaths:]
Follow... General Joo-doh... Mobilize the - Sky Tribe Army. Focus on... evacuating the people, and salvaging... the crops.
[is this a test? are these the monsters? he wonders again, what he is meant to fight in this situation - or is he simply to be tormented?
his defense is only as powerful as his heart, was it?
very well. then his heart would continues as it always has - to beat for the purpose of defending his kingdom against any onslaught, until the moment that he can no longer carry on.]
[ he watches in horror, the blood in his veins turned to ice.
this is what xie lian wanted to avoid, more than anything, when the human face plague first began. this is why he kept the secret of its cure - why the people screamed for his downfall, when they learned he was keeping it from them.
because it was this nightmarish scene that was avoided.
most of the people in xian le died. his family was no exception - his mother and father and himself fled. feng xin and mu qing left him, one by one. his cousin... his cousin, xiao jing, terrible, but probably dead somewhere too. killed by war, killed by plague, but not killed by their own hands, violently rioting at each other.
stunned, frozen to the spot, xie lian stands there, his heart still pumping a mile a minute.
his heart, as the sound around him muffles itself to nothing, as he pushes himself in front of a blade and feels like he's been shot with spiritual energy, electric and firing, but no pain. for a moment, it's spinning desperation of his own, trying to stop the blood the splatters the formerly golden pathways of the place he was born, but nothing works. not a single wound, not a single hurt.
his heart, working, beating.
that's the only defense that he has. he remembers monsters, blurry. there are monsters you need to defend against.
no matter what, xie lian's heart has always beat, strong in his chest. even when he most wanted to die, when he tried, nothing could kill it. ruoye goes, away, and he doesn't reach for it, as death itself unwinds from around his wrist, his mothers, his fathers, but not his own. ]
This isn't real. [ xie lian repeats, again, trembling with anger, with fury, but not with despair, as he takes a step backwards, and then whips around to where he'd heard the voice of the bai wuxiang, focusing all of his fury on him. ] You aren't real. You can't kill something that's already dead!
[ There are still civilians left, of course. Families panicking, trying to protect one another. People fighting, those trying to stop them. Whatever the cause, there is chaos. ]
Your Majesty? What's wrong? [ at the same time, others— ] My apologies, but we couldn't hear! Can you repeat your orders?
[ But though Soo-won might try to speak again, it's becoming harder and harder. A few try to help him stand, when his legs can no longer support himself, but although they keep trying to speak, their words will eventually blur in Soo-won's ears.
He is dying. He can feel that clearly.
On the other hand, we have Xie Lian, who's practically rubbing it in Soo-won's face with his strong heart. Anyway.
Bai Wuxiang simply stares back at Xie Lian, his face hidden underneath his mask. Then, calmly, ]
You may wish to follow Ruoye. Before it's too late, Your Highness. Before, once again, you fail to protect anything.
[it'd be nice to have a strong heart right about now!
soo-won grits his teeth and tries to think on how to address this situation. he's dying, and he's losing against the battle of his own body. he knew that this day would come and yet some part of his mind rejects this - this is not reality, and even though he knew that this day was inevitable, that he would one day meet his end, he knows that this is wrong.
so they have the power to take his suffering and making it manifest in front of him, do they?
it's weak, but if he could name a successor in this moment, or at least someone to look too while their king lay dying:]
Joo... doh....
[seek general joo-doh, and he will lead even this fictional kouka into its next era.
even as his mind continues to race, trying to determine escape. because he doesn't want to die, he's never wanted to die - no matter how long he's been aware that he would.]
xie lian lifts his arm as if he's going to swing at the white no face - it vanishes before he gets the chance to, and his eyes lift to ruoye, wriggling free.
he hates the idea of doing anything the white no face says, but - it's a dream. it's just a dream.
he can't let his past run away from him, literally. xie lian makes a noise, a quiet scoff, and takes off running after it. ]
[ At this point, any faces will be a blur, but faintly, Soo-won might make out what one of his subordinates say. ]
Your Majesty... General Joo-doh has fallen.
[ Soo-won might want to respond fast, if he even can anymore—his end draws near.
Xie Lian's chase will take him through ruins. Familiar ruins, of his home, and of the tragedies he's been through or caused. As he goes on, however, he'll notice butterflies fluttering about. Very familiar butterflies, most likely!
And then, at the end of his chase, stands an equally familiar figure.
When Hua Cheng, looking just as Xie Lian saw him last, spots him, he runs. As soon as he reaches Xie Lian, he makes a move to take Xie Lian's hands into his own. ]
Gege. Where have you been? You went missing from the town, and no one had seen you for hours—what is going on?
[if he even can anymore sure is the question here. there's some part of him that is still racing to give direction because this kouka isn't real, it's not, but.
his mind is getting foggy, between the pain and the weakness. if he were to be numbed down to his most vulnerable, if he were to place his trust in anyone, anyone else - ]
... H...ak... Yo....na.....
["That girl is the Crimson Dragon King. She will be the cause of your downfall."
maybe so.
but she loves the country just the same as he does - and if he were to leave it in the hands of any, then it should be the only person who's outmaneuvered him at every step.
[ there's an instant sensation of relief when xie lian sees the first silver butterfly. for a moment, his attention draws away from ruoye, but only for the seconds to run to the red figure at the end of the road. san lang's butterflies are the scourge of the heavens, maybe, a signal of impending doom, but to xie lian, the mean that someone important is here.
someone safe.
as hua cheng runs towards him, xie lian meets him halfway. ] San Lang! There's no time to explain, I think someone's in trouble!
[ xie lian's faith in hua cheng is unshakable. unwavering, after all of this time. every time xie lian has needed him, he has been there, and he is right there. just in the nick of time.
it doesn't even occur to him that hua cheng could be who the white no face spoke of.
before it's too late, your highness. his eyes shoot upwards, away from the hands reaching for his, looking for his sort of spiritual device. ] I need - where's Ruoye?
[ a beat, and then, his gaze drops back to hua cheng. ]
[ As Soo-won's vision turns to black and his consciousness fade, Soo-won's life will flicker in the world behind his eyelids, whether he wants to remember or not. His childhood. The fond times he spent with Hak and Yona. His father's death, his mother's grief. The coldness from Il. Becoming Emperor, and all that followed.
A voice will echo in his head. It's hard to tell who it belongs to: his father, any of his subordinates, or perhaps even himself. ]
So you would betray your father's wish and leave your country in the hands of those favoured by the gods after all?
[ Hua Cheng looks at Xie Lian with the same sort of expression he always does—the love that he carries eternally for Xie Lian, mixed in with worry over the situation and relief at seeing him safe. ]
I am not sure, gege. Something is strange about this area. However, all I know is that if they helped lead you to me, then I am glad for it.
[ He pauses, giving Xie Lian a moment to answer, if he so wishes. ]
Still, it doesn't seem safe here. We should leave quickly. Are you all ri—
[ Though it should be clear what Hua Cheng hoped to ask, he doesn't get the chance to finish that sentence. His eyes widen, and swiftly, he pushes Xie Lian out of the way—and a blade pierces through his chest, in what would've undoubtedly stabbed Xie Lian instead had Hua Cheng not acted.
At the other end, holding onto the hilt, is Bai Wuxiang. Hua Cheng narrows his eyes. ]
You— [ A sneer. ] Do you truly think this would be enough to...?
[ But then Hua Cheng freezes. Before Xie Lian's eyes, spreading from where Bai Wuxiang's sword has impaled his torso, Hua Cheng's body begins to turn to ash. ]
he pouts a little at that, against all odds. push him to the brink and then jeopardize his choices, huh! the aches and residue of pain still linger at the edges of his memory, and automatically he seeks to catch his breath - if there's much point in that anymore? is he still alive in this illusion?
well, his consciousness is still here and so:]
I'd leave it to Hak and Yona.
The Thunder Beast and the Princess of Kouka - nothing more, nothing less.
You're the ones who removed General Joo-doh in that timeline! Picking a different general would create instability amidst the tribes as an act of favoritism, and cause an internal fracture within Kouka's borders.
This was the only sensible option.
[don't fucking argue with the disembodied voice you piece of shit]
[ that surely gets the reaction the white no face was looking for.
he has a relieved smile for hua cheng, at first, some of the tension disappearing off of his face as he comes to terms with the idea of solving the problem with hua cheng, and then --
it all happens so fast. he's being pushed - ] San Lang --
[ because even if he's a ghost, even if he's immortal, he shouldn't have to suffer. not for xie lian, he shouldn't have to hurt, not when xie lian can protect him from pain, because he deserves it. his face contorts, surprise, horror, and his hands are on hua cheng's back, as if he can pull him off and away from it, out of the way.
so he feels it the way his body starts to crumble, and xie lian's entire world falls apart at the seams. ]
San Lang! [ this time, it's a scream torn out of his throat, anguish and sorrow as another person dies for him. the people in the dream, his parents, wanting him to be free of their burden, the little girl from mt yu jun, more and more -
he can't look away as it's happening, panic and fear and confusion rising so fast it nearly takes him out. he drops to his knees with hua cheng as he's crumbling, trying to gather him in his arms as if he can hold his pieces together. xie lian has experienced so, so much loss in his life, and this is what he's always been afraid of. xie lian, you ominous star; the closer he got to someone, the more likely they were to end up like this. ] No -- no, no, San Lang, you can't - you promised, you can't --
[ and then.
nothing. shell shocked, he stays there on his knees, as the person he thought was invincible is gone. ]
[ Sure glad that Soo-won is arguing with a disembodied voice while Xie Lian's entire world is screaming for his not-husband.
To Soo-won, all is silent for a while, before he hears a distant response. ]
O Soo-won, short-lived Emperor of Kouka...
You, of all people, have no right to say that about that girl anymore.
[ Likewise, silence hangs in the air as Xie Lian collapses to his knees. Then, Bai Wuxiang speaks. ]
What a fool you are. I told you, did I not? You cannot protect anything. You never will.
[ And then he, too, disappears once more.
For both Soo-won and Xie Lian, their consciousness then fades. For the former, it's perhaps an expected, inevitable result of his death; for the latter, it may come more suddenly. Or, perhaps, the shock finally got to him. Who can say?
there are pieces of his memory that make it hard for him to grasp pervious events, that leave giant puzzle pieces missing, but none of it manage to touch the feeling of wrong every time he interacts with yona. he has no right to be by her side - even if he's not sure why that is.
but he knows it well, that someone as cursed as he, has no reason to be at the side of the one such as her. for all the kindness that she shows him, and the weakness she inspires -
he cannot go to her, and he cannot redeem himself.
even as his consciousness begins to fade, his emotions harden and he decides, firmly:
This is not over yet.
defiant to the last, still trying to take everything into his own hands.]
[ the bai wuxiang's voice is not the last thing xie lian hears, when his consciousness fades.
as blackness cordons off his vision, xie lian reaches upwards with a trembling hand, and finds the ring on a chain around his neck. his palm touches the cool metal, shaking fingers curling tight around it, until the edges prick into his palm, and it unbidden, two voices exchange in the back of his mind. the flippant one of a ghost, pretending to play a teenager, and a god, pretending to play a normal human being.
"there's a tradition in the ghost realm. in the case where that ghost has chosen a person, they would entrust their ashes into that person's hands."
"so, it turns out the ghost realm would have such a sentimental custom!"
"they do. but not many ghosts would dare to it."
his hand tightens around the ring.
...we aren't dead yet, he thinks, and everything goes black. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
it's the voice that comes next that sends a chill down his spine, that seems to take the arrow that's impaled his heart and twist it.
the gardens change and he recognizes that this isn't reality, just as he'd thought. it's not true, and the voice that speaks to him is one that isn't here, but it's also one that he deserves. of course.
be happy?
ah, I can't.
not when he knows the anguish and rage that he caused this person who he used to hold so highly in regard, who was his goal.
he makes no attempt to dispel the rage directed at him, as again, he can't bring himself to move.]
... you know whose, Hak.
Though I can't say that I take kindly to them borrowing your likeness for an illusion, too.
no subject
it doesn't make seeing it any easier.
on her arm, the blackened faces of the human face plague stare at him, sores like eyesockets and gruesome mouths, moving underneath her skin. they open their mouths when they're exposed to the light, drawn desperate towards it, and xie lian's heart constricts in his chest, the immediate fear racing down his spine as if he's been dunked into ice cold water. his intake of breath is sharp, horrified.
and yet, despite that, he feels something like sleep, or waking, threatening to overtake him. it's that sense of grogginess that helps him stay grounded. this is a dream. xie lian's grip on the little girl's wrist tightens, and he doesn't look past her, to the sounds of chaos around him. of war. of the once beautiful kingdom of ashes and the prince who did everything he could to save it, and failed.
it's not real. the human face plague is gone. xian le is gone. it's been hundreds of years. ]
I know, [ he says, forcing himself to exhale. your heart is your only defense, the statement tight with his guilt, with his hurt, for the thousands of little lives just like this. ] I know. I'm so sorry.
no subject
Do you remember, Soo-won? When we met the Princess? Playing with the cat?
[ The end of the spear digs into Soo-won's neck, just a bit. Again, Soo-won will feel no pain, and no actual wound forms, but there's an odd, almost electrifying sensation to remind him of its presence.
As Hak's grip on his weapon tightens, so does his voice. ]
Do you remember what you trampled over for your ambitions!?
[ Over in Xian Le—wait, no. Sorry, Xian Le doesn't exist anymore because it was ruined. Whoops!
Anyway, over where Xie Lian is, the little girl cries. Tears fall from her eyes, but when she speaks, yanking her wrist from Xie Lian's grasp, her voice is both full of grief and anger. ]
"Sorry" won't save me. It won't save my parents, or my friends—any of us! I want this to end, I don't want this—help me, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...!
[ She's not the only one crying out. All around Xie Lian, there are screams of horror, anger, and grief. People trying to sever their infected limbs, women who take knives to themselves rather than live with this deformation—
And then, from behind Xie Lian, a voice speaks. It's one that should be familiar to him... albeit one he likely never wanted to hear again. ]
She's right, Your Highness. You'll "do your best"? Your best wasn't enough to help them. What have you ever managed to protect, in your life?
no subject
he remembers this day - he remembers it as clearly as any other. the first day that they all met, when he admired hak upon first sight, and finally got to see yona again. he feels the spear dig into his neck and it's at odds with the gentle sight in front of him, and the violence upon his person from someone he loved so dearly.
but he deserves this.]
I do.
[unflinchingly, because he doesn't look away from what he's done. the children in front of him will suffer for the decisions that he made - even if he doesn't remember every detail, he knows what he kept in his heart for a decade afterward. he knows the dishonesty he brewed.]
Of course I do.
[there's no way in which this cannot hurt him - to witness exactly what it is that he lost. the love and innocence of those days together, that he never wanted to end. but children don't know the matters of war, and they don't know how to save a kingdom - so he had to grow up far faster than his friends.]
But I cannot take any of it back.
no subject
is when xie lian stops breathing.
he freezes. the human face plague is horrifying, but the last time xie lian saw any remnant of it that was catchable was centuries ago. lang ying's case aside, it was wiped out, thanks to the sacrifice of a nameless young man, and the combined (barely) efforts of himself, and the heavenly emperor.
since ling wen told him of the four calamties, even just the name had sent a chill down xie lian's spine - but, as she was quick to remind him, that calamity was gone. dealt with.
that voice like liquid mercury is the one that haunts xie lian's dreams. he doesn't need to turn around, to know the unblinking, masked face that stares behind him. half laughing, half crying. ]
...You. [ xie lian says, slowly, and every line of his body turns tense.
the white no face.
xie lian's hand tightens on the little girl's wrist. he refuses to turn around, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. this - this is xie lian's worst nightmare.
but that's just it -- it's his worst nightmare. the first calamity is gone.
xie lian takes a deep breath. ] You aren't real.
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—Then you can die with those ambitions, alone!
[ And with that, he drives his spear through Soo-won's torso. There is no pain, no blood, and yet Soo-won will see the blade as it sticks out from his chest. That electrifying sensation sparks through where he should be injured, before he will lose consciousness.
The last thing he will hear is Hak's voice, low, full of hate, and unforgiving. ]
The Princess and I—we will move forward without you.
[ When he awakens once more, it burns. A deep, aching sensation in his chest that spreads throughout his body, as if his body on fire.
Oh, and everything else is literally on fire too. That isn't helping. Around him, Kouka—his beloved home—burns.
Over with Xie Lian:
He will hear footsteps approaching, slowly, from behind him. Again, Bai Wuxiang speaks. ]
Did you think I would disappear so easily? Hasn't a part of you always doubted? That all of this has been my doing from the start...?
And now, you know.
[ There's a pause, before he continues. ]
... But I'm not the only one you should fear, am I?
[ The people around Xie Lian—scared, confused, angry—turn to look at him. When did those blades appear...? On the ground, in their hands... Each of the people, infected with the Human Face Plague, arms themselves. The little girl disappears from Xie Lian's grip, as if a phantom that no longer exists, leaving behind only a whisper in the air. ]
There is one cure for the disease.
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how could it end in any way other than this?
the sensation of being stabbed by kouka's thunder beast is one that he imagines comes this quickly for others - and he supposes that it's not a surprise when he joins the number. it fails to surprise him - is what he'd like to say, but even if his head knows that this is the next logical step, there is no balm for the way that his heart feels as though it's been pierced.
when hak suggests that he and yona will move on without him, he thinks to himself: good, I knew you'd always protect her. how funny, that even in a simulation, he knows that he can rely on hak on matters most important.
he loses consciousness - and the feeling that envelops him next is familiar. if it were a little less painful, he wonders if he'd be able to pull his mouth into a smile or a laugh.]
This place seeks to - break me, does it?
[are these the monsters that were ready to attack? was he truly prepared to deal with them? it all feels so real, it all looks so real that he knows that these are the images that will follow him in nightmares for days to come.
still, he tries to stagger to his feet, as if to find an answer - or a way out.]
Not yet.
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the moment that virid was able to speak his own memories again - the moment xie lian realized why he was able to do so, the white no face was the first thought on his mind. after all, he was the originator of the human face plague, and the originator of its horrible, horrible cure.
spoken into the air, around them.
xie lian jerks backwards as she disappears from his grip, reaching at his belt for a sword that isn't there, and hasn't been in centuries. when his head lifts, he sees them. scared, angry people, desperate for a cure.
the adrenaline reacts first, the fear striking him as viciously as the first blade had that day.
"so in other words, even if we kill him, he won't die?! that's great!"
"the common people are here, xian le. go save them." the white no face had mocked, then, holding him tied up on his own altar, waiting, waiting. watching, as humanity showed its hands. just like now. for a moment, xie lian is frozen to his spot, standing there and facing down the worst moment of his life, again, the white no face at his back.
and in this moment, xie lian doesn't think about how unreal this situation is, or how this is just the subject of a nightmare. he doesn't think about that night at the temple.
he thinks, instead, of a young soldier named no one, and takes a deep breath. ]
-- COME ON THEN! [ xie lian roars, at the top of his lungs, throwing his arms out to the side, open, waiting. ] I can't die! Do what you must, stab me if you need to save yourselves and your families!
[ he's been here, before, heart racing in his chest, terrified, but energized all the same. if it takes a day. if it takes a month. if he's reduced to a puddle of flesh and has to spend agonizing weeks of his own nightmares reforming his body thanks to the immortality this being had bestowed on him as a nightmarish gift-- ] Do you think I wouldn't let the whole world do this to stop your plague, White No Face?! Do you think I'll let you break me ever again?! Who the hell do you think I am?!
[ xie lian's attention falls to the people in front of him, the furious crowd, his voice rising in volume. ] I am the Crown Prince of Xian Le, and I have failed you! This monster wanted to teach me a lesson, and used you as collateral -- and you aren't collateral! You were the reason I ascended, my followers, and I failed you. I couldn't save the common people as a god, and not as a person, either--
[ he slaps his chest, right over his heart, tears in his eyes. ] --But that doesn't mean I can't keep trying!
Come on, then! I can save the people because I want to! I can give myself up as their shield, because I want to! I'm not afraid of you, White No Face - and I don't need you to teach me anything! I won't be like you! I'll never!
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There are people approaching him. He will recognize them as palace servants, perhaps members of the army—people he knows who serve him and look to him for orders, guidance. ]
Your Majesty!
[ But he is tired, and his body hurts so much...
Over with Xie Lian:
Once Xie Lian's speech is over, Bai Wuxiang lets out a low laugh. ]
You'll never break? You'll never be like me?
I'm sure that everyone, as they lay suffering, as they die in agony—they'll be glad to know that, o Xian Le. That it's all right, because you, at least, will stand strong amidst their misery, such pathetic beings that they are next to you.
[ He's quiet for a moment, as if considering this. ]
Very well. You're right. Since you will be fine no matter what happens... there's no reason for them to point their blades at you, is there? After all, it's not only your "death" that cures the disease.
[ And so, the people around Xie Lian begin to turn against one another. Regardless of friends or family, they fight, desperate. Even if Xie Lian tries to stop them, tries to come in between them—he will find that nothing can injure him, and there is no pain, only an electrifying sensation.
In the distance, Ruoye flutters in the air, before it slowly starts to fly away. ]
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soo-won is dizzy, and he is exhausted, and more than that, he knows that this is all false. he knows that there is no reason why kouka would suffer this fate, so suddenly. not when the generals are finally united, and their system of alarm works. not when yona and her comrades are out there, and while he does not wish to rely on them - he knows that they would never cause this much destruction to their beloved home.
a lie works into his head, trying to discern what falsities to say - he is simply dizzy from smoke inhalation. it's painful. breathing is painful. watching his ambitions go up in literal flames is painful.
he breathes out, in difficult breaths:]
Follow... General Joo-doh... Mobilize the - Sky Tribe Army. Focus on... evacuating the people, and salvaging... the crops.
[is this a test? are these the monsters? he wonders again, what he is meant to fight in this situation - or is he simply to be tormented?
his defense is only as powerful as his heart, was it?
very well. then his heart would continues as it always has - to beat for the purpose of defending his kingdom against any onslaught, until the moment that he can no longer carry on.]
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this is what xie lian wanted to avoid, more than anything, when the human face plague first began. this is why he kept the secret of its cure - why the people screamed for his downfall, when they learned he was keeping it from them.
because it was this nightmarish scene that was avoided.
most of the people in xian le died. his family was no exception - his mother and father and himself fled. feng xin and mu qing left him, one by one. his cousin... his cousin, xiao jing, terrible, but probably dead somewhere too. killed by war, killed by plague, but not killed by their own hands, violently rioting at each other.
stunned, frozen to the spot, xie lian stands there, his heart still pumping a mile a minute.
his heart, as the sound around him muffles itself to nothing, as he pushes himself in front of a blade and feels like he's been shot with spiritual energy, electric and firing, but no pain. for a moment, it's spinning desperation of his own, trying to stop the blood the splatters the formerly golden pathways of the place he was born, but nothing works. not a single wound, not a single hurt.
his heart, working, beating.
that's the only defense that he has. he remembers monsters, blurry. there are monsters you need to defend against.
no matter what, xie lian's heart has always beat, strong in his chest. even when he most wanted to die, when he tried, nothing could kill it. ruoye goes, away, and he doesn't reach for it, as death itself unwinds from around his wrist, his mothers, his fathers, but not his own. ]
This isn't real. [ xie lian repeats, again, trembling with anger, with fury, but not with despair, as he takes a step backwards, and then whips around to where he'd heard the voice of the bai wuxiang, focusing all of his fury on him. ] You aren't real. You can't kill something that's already dead!
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Your Majesty? What's wrong? [ at the same time, others— ] My apologies, but we couldn't hear! Can you repeat your orders?
[ But though Soo-won might try to speak again, it's becoming harder and harder. A few try to help him stand, when his legs can no longer support himself, but although they keep trying to speak, their words will eventually blur in Soo-won's ears.
He is dying. He can feel that clearly.
On the other hand, we have Xie Lian, who's practically rubbing it in Soo-won's face with his strong heart. Anyway.
Bai Wuxiang simply stares back at Xie Lian, his face hidden underneath his mask. Then, calmly, ]
You may wish to follow Ruoye. Before it's too late, Your Highness. Before, once again, you fail to protect anything.
[ And with that, he disappears.
Ruoye is still in the distance, flying off. ]
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soo-won grits his teeth and tries to think on how to address this situation. he's dying, and he's losing against the battle of his own body. he knew that this day would come and yet some part of his mind rejects this - this is not reality, and even though he knew that this day was inevitable, that he would one day meet his end, he knows that this is wrong.
so they have the power to take his suffering and making it manifest in front of him, do they?
it's weak, but if he could name a successor in this moment, or at least someone to look too while their king lay dying:]
Joo... doh....
[seek general joo-doh, and he will lead even this fictional kouka into its next era.
even as his mind continues to race, trying to determine escape. because he doesn't want to die, he's never wanted to die - no matter how long he's been aware that he would.]
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xie lian lifts his arm as if he's going to swing at the white no face - it vanishes before he gets the chance to, and his eyes lift to ruoye, wriggling free.
he hates the idea of doing anything the white no face says, but - it's a dream. it's just a dream.
he can't let his past run away from him, literally. xie lian makes a noise, a quiet scoff, and takes off running after it. ]
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Your Majesty... General Joo-doh has fallen.
[ Soo-won might want to respond fast, if he even can anymore—his end draws near.
Xie Lian's chase will take him through ruins. Familiar ruins, of his home, and of the tragedies he's been through or caused. As he goes on, however, he'll notice butterflies fluttering about. Very familiar butterflies, most likely!
And then, at the end of his chase, stands an equally familiar figure.
When Hua Cheng, looking just as Xie Lian saw him last, spots him, he runs. As soon as he reaches Xie Lian, he makes a move to take Xie Lian's hands into his own. ]
Gege. Where have you been? You went missing from the town, and no one had seen you for hours—what is going on?
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his mind is getting foggy, between the pain and the weakness. if he were to be numbed down to his most vulnerable, if he were to place his trust in anyone, anyone else - ]
... H...ak... Yo....na.....
["That girl is the Crimson Dragon King. She will be the cause of your downfall."
maybe so.
but she loves the country just the same as he does - and if he were to leave it in the hands of any, then it should be the only person who's outmaneuvered him at every step.
it should be the two of them.]
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someone safe.
as hua cheng runs towards him, xie lian meets him halfway. ] San Lang! There's no time to explain, I think someone's in trouble!
[ xie lian's faith in hua cheng is unshakable. unwavering, after all of this time. every time xie lian has needed him, he has been there, and he is right there. just in the nick of time.
it doesn't even occur to him that hua cheng could be who the white no face spoke of.
before it's too late, your highness. his eyes shoot upwards, away from the hands reaching for his, looking for his sort of spiritual device. ] I need - where's Ruoye?
[ a beat, and then, his gaze drops back to hua cheng. ]
...Why do you have your butterflies?
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A voice will echo in his head. It's hard to tell who it belongs to: his father, any of his subordinates, or perhaps even himself. ]
So you would betray your father's wish and leave your country in the hands of those favoured by the gods after all?
[ Hua Cheng looks at Xie Lian with the same sort of expression he always does—the love that he carries eternally for Xie Lian, mixed in with worry over the situation and relief at seeing him safe. ]
I am not sure, gege. Something is strange about this area. However, all I know is that if they helped lead you to me, then I am glad for it.
[ He pauses, giving Xie Lian a moment to answer, if he so wishes. ]
Still, it doesn't seem safe here. We should leave quickly. Are you all ri—
[ Though it should be clear what Hua Cheng hoped to ask, he doesn't get the chance to finish that sentence. His eyes widen, and swiftly, he pushes Xie Lian out of the way—and a blade pierces through his chest, in what would've undoubtedly stabbed Xie Lian instead had Hua Cheng not acted.
At the other end, holding onto the hilt, is Bai Wuxiang. Hua Cheng narrows his eyes. ]
You— [ A sneer. ] Do you truly think this would be enough to...?
[ But then Hua Cheng freezes. Before Xie Lian's eyes, spreading from where Bai Wuxiang's sword has impaled his torso, Hua Cheng's body begins to turn to ash. ]
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he pouts a little at that, against all odds. push him to the brink and then jeopardize his choices, huh! the aches and residue of pain still linger at the edges of his memory, and automatically he seeks to catch his breath - if there's much point in that anymore? is he still alive in this illusion?
well, his consciousness is still here and so:]
I'd leave it to Hak and Yona.
The Thunder Beast and the Princess of Kouka - nothing more, nothing less.
You're the ones who removed General Joo-doh in that timeline! Picking a different general would create instability amidst the tribes as an act of favoritism, and cause an internal fracture within Kouka's borders.
This was the only sensible option.
[don't fucking argue with the disembodied voice you piece of shit]
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he has a relieved smile for hua cheng, at first, some of the tension disappearing off of his face as he comes to terms with the idea of solving the problem with hua cheng, and then --
it all happens so fast. he's being pushed - ] San Lang --
[ because even if he's a ghost, even if he's immortal, he shouldn't have to suffer. not for xie lian, he shouldn't have to hurt, not when xie lian can protect him from pain, because he deserves it. his face contorts, surprise, horror, and his hands are on hua cheng's back, as if he can pull him off and away from it, out of the way.
so he feels it the way his body starts to crumble, and xie lian's entire world falls apart at the seams. ]
San Lang! [ this time, it's a scream torn out of his throat, anguish and sorrow as another person dies for him. the people in the dream, his parents, wanting him to be free of their burden, the little girl from mt yu jun, more and more -
he can't look away as it's happening, panic and fear and confusion rising so fast it nearly takes him out. he drops to his knees with hua cheng as he's crumbling, trying to gather him in his arms as if he can hold his pieces together. xie lian has experienced so, so much loss in his life, and this is what he's always been afraid of. xie lian, you ominous star; the closer he got to someone, the more likely they were to end up like this. ] No -- no, no, San Lang, you can't - you promised, you can't --
[ and then.
nothing. shell shocked, he stays there on his knees, as the person he thought was invincible is gone. ]
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To Soo-won, all is silent for a while, before he hears a distant response. ]
O Soo-won, short-lived Emperor of Kouka...
You, of all people, have no right to say that about that girl anymore.
[ Likewise, silence hangs in the air as Xie Lian collapses to his knees. Then, Bai Wuxiang speaks. ]
What a fool you are. I told you, did I not? You cannot protect anything. You never will.
[ And then he, too, disappears once more.
For both Soo-won and Xie Lian, their consciousness then fades. For the former, it's perhaps an expected, inevitable result of his death; for the latter, it may come more suddenly. Or, perhaps, the shock finally got to him. Who can say?
But finally, they can know peace. ]
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there are pieces of his memory that make it hard for him to grasp pervious events, that leave giant puzzle pieces missing, but none of it manage to touch the feeling of wrong every time he interacts with yona. he has no right to be by her side - even if he's not sure why that is.
but he knows it well, that someone as cursed as he, has no reason to be at the side of the one such as her. for all the kindness that she shows him, and the weakness she inspires -
he cannot go to her, and he cannot redeem himself.
even as his consciousness begins to fade, his emotions harden and he decides, firmly:
This is not over yet.
defiant to the last, still trying to take everything into his own hands.]
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as blackness cordons off his vision, xie lian reaches upwards with a trembling hand, and finds the ring on a chain around his neck. his palm touches the cool metal, shaking fingers curling tight around it, until the edges prick into his palm, and it unbidden, two voices exchange in the back of his mind. the flippant one of a ghost, pretending to play a teenager, and a god, pretending to play a normal human being.
"there's a tradition in the ghost realm. in the case where that ghost has chosen a person, they would entrust their ashes into that person's hands."
"so, it turns out the ghost realm would have such a sentimental custom!"
"they do. but not many ghosts would dare to it."
his hand tightens around the ring.
...we aren't dead yet, he thinks, and everything goes black. ]