[ we don't know shit about fuck, is the moral of the story. ]
From what I've heard from others, we participants have to speak with you all about some things, so you can speak amongst yourselves freely... The others may be able to help inform you a little more, too. I hope, anyway!
[ xie lian sips his tea. ]
Speaking of what we remember, and what we don't - it's been a moment since things have been calm enough to share as we have been since the beginning, hasn't it? We should do so. Is there anything in particular you'd like to learn about...? Though, I must confess, I'm starting to forget many things, so I can't guarantee what I can share...
...Well! You know, I have always done my best to keep little memories of happiness the closest to my heart. A hot meal, a warm bed, how nice the weather can be on a particular day...
Perhaps that's not that exciting, but those are the things that have helped me the most all these years. For something more specific... I'll tell you a story about San Lang.
[ as he's talking, xie lian fiddles around in his sleeve, and produces the photograph he received, handing it to goat. we're still 800 light years away from the scene i actually wanted for this in any sort of picture form so this works for now. ]
What you see in this picture is Puji Shrine. It is the place that I now call home. It is small, and run down, and a bit... erm, well, it gets destroyed a lot, but I have fixed up everything that I can.
Until recently, a young man named Lang Ying also lived there with me as well. He had suffered from the - [ a brief pause, a flicker in his eyes, but then, xie lian continues on. ] - rather, he had a dormant and noncontagious case of the Human Face Disease, but the scars left him disfigured, and so he covered his entire face in bandages, save for his eyes.
One day, I came home from helping someone in the village and found Lang Ying at the shrine. He'd been acting a bit strangely in the time that passed beforehand - talking more often! Even his body language was a little different. Even so, things in my realm were quite odd at the time - all of the ghosts of the world were behaving quite strangely - so I didn't think it too strange.
That night, I started to cook dinner, and he came to help me with cutting the vegetables. I asked him a question. "...You've seen all of the strange gods and ghosts that have been to this shrine, haven't you? Which among them is the handsomest?"
He answered that it was me. [ his mouth twitches into a smile. ] When I asked besides me, he said it was "the one in red." I kept asking him questions - "Who is the strongest, who is the richest, who do you admire most?" And he kept answering, "the one in red, the one in red, the one in red."
I asked the questions so quickly, and he was able to keep up with me. Even when I asked negative questions just as fast, he never accidentally answered them wrong. Only a positive impression of the one in red was left behind.
Finally, after a while of this, I asked him to make me an enshrinement plaque to hang at the shrine - something that requires you to write the name of the god and a phrase to go with it with ink and brush. And, as he picked up the brush, he looked at me, and said... "Gege, I was wrong." In a completely different voice!
[ a smile lights up xie lian's face - he can't help himself, even now, and the amusement is warm in every word. ] I hadn't seen San Lang in a few days, because he was very busy with the strange behavior of the ghosts - and I missed him terribly, but I knew it was important, so, of course it didn't matter. I cannot remember the face of the person, but I think they were one of his subordinates...[ lol ] ...anyway, someone had told me just the day before that San Lang was unfortunately unable to reach out to me because he was so busy.
--But, it turned out, he was "so busy" because he was in disguise, pretending to be Lang Ying so he could stay at the shrine instead of working in the Ghost City, and I caught him! San Lang's handwriting is almost criminally terrible, so I knew he wouldn't be able to do the task.
He was standing right next to me when that person told me he was busy, in disguise. [ not that xie lian knows this but yin yu is not paid NEARLY enough to put up with hua cheng,
anyway. now, he finally laughs for real, a snort that turns into a muffled giggle. ] It's - it was so utterly ridiculous. I laughed so very hard I fell to the ground. He was so pitiful, when he realized he'd been caught!
Moments like that are my favorite. I had forgotten until I met San Lang how simple it could be, just to be happy.
En. [ xie lian smiles, reaching for the photo and smoothing his fingers over it again. ]
It is. San Lang is not always there, but... when he is, you're right. It is the first home that I have had in a very long time.
[ sometimes you're homeless! ]
It is unfortunate, that he forgot this - he told me afterwards that he prayed that I would forget about him embarrassing himself. [ xie lian laughs, again. ] But I didn't! So, I'm glad that I could share it with you, in case I do forget. I want to remember it forever.
[ he pauses, before he manifests his sword, holding it in front of himself. there are a few things he remembers, but... ]
... I remember how I obtained this sword. A human purchased it for me, as I didn't know how to use a gun and or wish to learn.
[ sometimes a dude offers to teach you how to use a gun and you say no because you think he'll just bully you
anyway ]
I told him that if we were going to be facing humans, I could not use such a thing. [ because goat won't kill a human, if he can help it. ] He said that wasn't why. He told me I was to wield it against my enemies, for once I had assisted him with his battle, he would help me with mine.
[ ... ]
Truthfully... from what I know, I have succeeded at very little in my life, if anything at all. Instead my actions have done far more harm than good, including to that human.
[ "i am sure you will continue to fail for eternity." ]
But this sword is proof of my promise—my conviction to repair the damage that I have wrought against the world. I cannot change what has been done, but I can at least face what I must do.
it is not the first time that xie lian has felt a great solidarity with goat, and it will not be the last, either. the simple way he addresses his failures resonates with him, deeply.
it resonates in his failure to stop the white no face. (right? who still wanders this world, seeking him out.) in the faces of the people screaming at him for the cure to a plague, when that cure was death itself. his failures in yong'an. the drought. the war. even the little girl at mt. yu jun.
(xie lian, you ominous star, you god of misfortune! your existence is x̸͖̙̙̘̗̞̺͍̔̅̒͛̒̚͝i̷̪͚̫̮̓̀͑a̴̜̘͌͊̇n̵̯͕͐́̈́̓̕͘ ̸͕̃̒̄̑͂ļ̶͕̺͚̘͓͖͉͝ẻ̸̛̩̖̬̜̼̟̰͘͝'s greatest tragedy! )
but today, he remembered one of the reasons that he keeps trying, when he had forgotten it, and hearing goat's memory... it touches xie lian, deep to his core. ]
What a kind person. [ this human, though goat is certainly kind, too. ]
...I am glad that you remembered such an important thing, and that someone was able to touch your life in such a way. [ even if it was brief. even if it came later with misery.
he thinks of the man with the rice who pulled him out of the abyss. ]
Sometimes... that is all it takes, isn't it? The kindness and compassion of one person to keep close to your chest. I think that your convictions have never left you, even when you did not remember a thing, but... I am so glad, that you were able to have it returned to you.
And ultimately, to hear you say such things... it makes me happy, Brother Goat. To have such conviction - that is all we can do, no matter how many times we have failed.
[ a beat. ]
Besides, swords are cooler than guns, anyway, so you made a good choice. [ well, they are. ] It turns out yours had quite the story after all.
—He is not kind! [ GOAT JUST BLURTS THAT OUT ] He is a rude and foul-mouthed man who looks down on me even though I am much, much older than he is, and he only knows what left and right is! He tries to beat me up and calls me "Flour" even though flour is a powder made from wheat and not a name appropriate for a person!
[ xie lian gave that touching spiel and goat just rants about all of the things that annoy him about this person ]
[ xie lian's smiling, and he waves his hand to clear it off! ] I just think it's just nice - even though this person is a little irritating, you must like them very much. I'm happy to hear you remembered a friend.
You know, today... a memory was returned to me, right along those lines. I had someone shout in my face and scream at me, at a time when all I really wanted to do was die... it was sort of shocking, and then when he left, he came back and did something kind for me.
I had forgotten about him, but... I didn't stop seeing the world the way that I do, because I did. [ xie lian touches his heart. ] So even if this person is irritating, and calls you a terrible nickname, they must have left quite the impression that you are still moved by the convictions you have.
...It is a bit funny, that you can remember that nickname, but not your actual name.
... I am glad you are able to remember such a man again.
[ ... ]
Where I'm from, names are given to gods by humans, in an attempt to capture their essence. In that way, gods are called by many names, depending on how humans perceive them. When they are able to grasp their true and whole self, the god's name will naturally come to them.
[ tmw this is week five so i still have god names! thanks backtags ]
If it makes you feel better, one of my own nicknames was the god of pestilence and misfortune - an "ominous star". Worshippers used to make statues of me crying and step on my back as a stone so that they would put all their misfortune on me.
[ ah, to be xie lian. ]
It is much the same in my own world - every title I ever had came from mortals, short of 'taizi dianxia', which simply indicated I was a prince. For some reason, they were fascinated with calling me names around flowers - 'The Flower Crowned Martial God', or "Flower in One Hand, Sword in the Other".
[ a beat, and then, he tilts his head, smiling. ] And... that's not so different from the way things are here, hm? We all have perceived you as Brother Goat, and so Brother Goat you are.
...I hope that, god or human or otherwise, your true name will come to me, someday - and be returned to you, too.
Do you like the name that you've been given, here?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i mean. ]
...What do you think?
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It sounds like something many of us would do.
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Wanting to bring everyone back.
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[ it's all or nothing. they've made enough sacrifices - to not be able to see this to completion is an unacceptable end. ]
I wonder... how many times we must have gone through this cycle, for this to be the final moment.
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[ we don't know shit about fuck, is the moral of the story. ]
From what I've heard from others, we participants have to speak with you all about some things, so you can speak amongst yourselves freely... The others may be able to help inform you a little more, too. I hope, anyway!
[ xie lian sips his tea. ]
Speaking of what we remember, and what we don't - it's been a moment since things have been calm enough to share as we have been since the beginning, hasn't it? We should do so. Is there anything in particular you'd like to learn about...? Though, I must confess, I'm starting to forget many things, so I can't guarantee what I can share...
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If you can recall, a memory that brings you happiness?
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...Well! You know, I have always done my best to keep little memories of happiness the closest to my heart. A hot meal, a warm bed, how nice the weather can be on a particular day...
Perhaps that's not that exciting, but those are the things that have helped me the most all these years. For something more specific... I'll tell you a story about San Lang.
[ as he's talking, xie lian fiddles around in his sleeve, and produces the photograph he received, handing it to goat. we're still 800 light years away from the scene i actually wanted for this in any sort of picture form so this works for now. ]
What you see in this picture is Puji Shrine. It is the place that I now call home. It is small, and run down, and a bit... erm, well, it gets destroyed a lot, but I have fixed up everything that I can.
Until recently, a young man named Lang Ying also lived there with me as well. He had suffered from the - [ a brief pause, a flicker in his eyes, but then, xie lian continues on. ] - rather, he had a dormant and noncontagious case of the Human Face Disease, but the scars left him disfigured, and so he covered his entire face in bandages, save for his eyes.
One day, I came home from helping someone in the village and found Lang Ying at the shrine. He'd been acting a bit strangely in the time that passed beforehand - talking more often! Even his body language was a little different. Even so, things in my realm were quite odd at the time - all of the ghosts of the world were behaving quite strangely - so I didn't think it too strange.
That night, I started to cook dinner, and he came to help me with cutting the vegetables. I asked him a question. "...You've seen all of the strange gods and ghosts that have been to this shrine, haven't you? Which among them is the handsomest?"
He answered that it was me. [ his mouth twitches into a smile. ] When I asked besides me, he said it was "the one in red." I kept asking him questions - "Who is the strongest, who is the richest, who do you admire most?" And he kept answering, "the one in red, the one in red, the one in red."
I asked the questions so quickly, and he was able to keep up with me. Even when I asked negative questions just as fast, he never accidentally answered them wrong. Only a positive impression of the one in red was left behind.
Finally, after a while of this, I asked him to make me an enshrinement plaque to hang at the shrine - something that requires you to write the name of the god and a phrase to go with it with ink and brush. And, as he picked up the brush, he looked at me, and said... "Gege, I was wrong." In a completely different voice!
[ a smile lights up xie lian's face - he can't help himself, even now, and the amusement is warm in every word. ] I hadn't seen San Lang in a few days, because he was very busy with the strange behavior of the ghosts - and I missed him terribly, but I knew it was important, so, of course it didn't matter. I cannot remember the face of the person, but I think they were one of his subordinates...[ lol ] ...anyway, someone had told me just the day before that San Lang was unfortunately unable to reach out to me because he was so busy.
--But, it turned out, he was "so busy" because he was in disguise, pretending to be Lang Ying so he could stay at the shrine instead of working in the Ghost City, and I caught him! San Lang's handwriting is almost criminally terrible, so I knew he wouldn't be able to do the task.
He was standing right next to me when that person told me he was busy, in disguise. [ not that xie lian knows this but yin yu is not paid NEARLY enough to put up with hua cheng,
anyway. now, he finally laughs for real, a snort that turns into a muffled giggle. ] It's - it was so utterly ridiculous. I laughed so very hard I fell to the ground. He was so pitiful, when he realized he'd been caught!
Moments like that are my favorite. I had forgotten until I met San Lang how simple it could be, just to be happy.
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... It sounds like a very warm home, with him in it.
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It is. San Lang is not always there, but... when he is, you're right. It is the first home that I have had in a very long time.
[ sometimes you're homeless! ]
It is unfortunate, that he forgot this - he told me afterwards that he prayed that I would forget about him embarrassing himself. [ xie lian laughs, again. ] But I didn't! So, I'm glad that I could share it with you, in case I do forget. I want to remember it forever.
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[ if you need to embarrass hc ig ]
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--Alright! There's mine. What did you remember, Brother Goat? I will treasure it for you as closely as I can.
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... I remember how I obtained this sword. A human purchased it for me, as I didn't know how to use a gun and or wish to learn.
[ sometimes a dude offers to teach you how to use a gun and you say no because you think he'll just bully you
anyway ]
I told him that if we were going to be facing humans, I could not use such a thing. [ because goat won't kill a human, if he can help it. ] He said that wasn't why. He told me I was to wield it against my enemies, for once I had assisted him with his battle, he would help me with mine.
[ ... ]
Truthfully... from what I know, I have succeeded at very little in my life, if anything at all. Instead my actions have done far more harm than good, including to that human.
[ "i am sure you will continue to fail for eternity." ]
But this sword is proof of my promise—my conviction to repair the damage that I have wrought against the world. I cannot change what has been done, but I can at least face what I must do.
no subject
it is not the first time that xie lian has felt a great solidarity with goat, and it will not be the last, either. the simple way he addresses his failures resonates with him, deeply.
it resonates in his failure to stop the white no face. (right? who still wanders this world, seeking him out.) in the faces of the people screaming at him for the cure to a plague, when that cure was death itself. his failures in yong'an. the drought. the war. even the little girl at mt. yu jun.
(xie lian, you ominous star, you god of misfortune! your existence is x̸͖̙̙̘̗̞̺͍̔̅̒͛̒̚͝i̷̪͚̫̮̓̀͑a̴̜̘͌͊̇n̵̯͕͐́̈́̓̕͘ ̸͕̃̒̄̑͂ļ̶͕̺͚̘͓͖͉͝ẻ̸̛̩̖̬̜̼̟̰͘͝'s greatest tragedy! )
but today, he remembered one of the reasons that he keeps trying, when he had forgotten it, and hearing goat's memory... it touches xie lian, deep to his core. ]
What a kind person. [ this human, though goat is certainly kind, too. ]
...I am glad that you remembered such an important thing, and that someone was able to touch your life in such a way. [ even if it was brief. even if it came later with misery.
he thinks of the man with the rice who pulled him out of the abyss. ]
Sometimes... that is all it takes, isn't it? The kindness and compassion of one person to keep close to your chest. I think that your convictions have never left you, even when you did not remember a thing, but... I am so glad, that you were able to have it returned to you.
And ultimately, to hear you say such things... it makes me happy, Brother Goat. To have such conviction - that is all we can do, no matter how many times we have failed.
[ a beat. ]
Besides, swords are cooler than guns, anyway, so you made a good choice. [ well, they are. ] It turns out yours had quite the story after all.
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but also—
—He is not kind! [ GOAT JUST BLURTS THAT OUT ] He is a rude and foul-mouthed man who looks down on me even though I am much, much older than he is, and he only knows what left and right is! He tries to beat me up and calls me "Flour" even though flour is a powder made from wheat and not a name appropriate for a person!
[ xie lian gave that touching spiel and goat just rants about all of the things that annoy him about this person ]
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i mean.
oh??? my god????? xie lian blinks twice. ]
...Oh... Is that so...?
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goat:
goat: except that guy, fuck him
mumble grumble ]
... But still, he is my one friend, outside of the Realm, and I owe him much.
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and then - ]
-- Pfffft.
[ he can't help it. goat, you're so cute. ]
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[ what'd he do!! ]
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[ xie lian's smiling, and he waves his hand to clear it off! ] I just think it's just nice - even though this person is a little irritating, you must like them very much. I'm happy to hear you remembered a friend.
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You know, today... a memory was returned to me, right along those lines. I had someone shout in my face and scream at me, at a time when all I really wanted to do was die... it was sort of shocking, and then when he left, he came back and did something kind for me.
I had forgotten about him, but... I didn't stop seeing the world the way that I do, because I did. [ xie lian touches his heart. ] So even if this person is irritating, and calls you a terrible nickname, they must have left quite the impression that you are still moved by the convictions you have.
...It is a bit funny, that you can remember that nickname, but not your actual name.
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[ ... ]
Where I'm from, names are given to gods by humans, in an attempt to capture their essence. In that way, gods are called by many names, depending on how humans perceive them. When they are able to grasp their true and whole self, the god's name will naturally come to them.
—But Flour is still not appropriate.
[ :T ]
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If it makes you feel better, one of my own nicknames was the god of pestilence and misfortune - an "ominous star". Worshippers used to make statues of me crying and step on my back as a stone so that they would put all their misfortune on me.
[ ah, to be xie lian. ]
It is much the same in my own world - every title I ever had came from mortals, short of 'taizi dianxia', which simply indicated I was a prince. For some reason, they were fascinated with calling me names around flowers - 'The Flower Crowned Martial God', or "Flower in One Hand, Sword in the Other".
[ a beat, and then, he tilts his head, smiling. ] And... that's not so different from the way things are here, hm? We all have perceived you as Brother Goat, and so Brother Goat you are.
...I hope that, god or human or otherwise, your true name will come to me, someday - and be returned to you, too.
Do you like the name that you've been given, here?
(no subject)
(no subject)