it is not the first time that xie lian has felt a great solidarity with goat, and it will not be the last, either. the simple way he addresses his failures resonates with him, deeply.
it resonates in his failure to stop the white no face. (right? who still wanders this world, seeking him out.) in the faces of the people screaming at him for the cure to a plague, when that cure was death itself. his failures in yong'an. the drought. the war. even the little girl at mt. yu jun.
(xie lian, you ominous star, you god of misfortune! your existence is x̸͖̙̙̘̗̞̺͍̔̅̒͛̒̚͝i̷̪͚̫̮̓̀͑a̴̜̘͌͊̇n̵̯͕͐́̈́̓̕͘ ̸͕̃̒̄̑͂ļ̶͕̺͚̘͓͖͉͝ẻ̸̛̩̖̬̜̼̟̰͘͝'s greatest tragedy! )
but today, he remembered one of the reasons that he keeps trying, when he had forgotten it, and hearing goat's memory... it touches xie lian, deep to his core. ]
What a kind person. [ this human, though goat is certainly kind, too. ]
...I am glad that you remembered such an important thing, and that someone was able to touch your life in such a way. [ even if it was brief. even if it came later with misery.
he thinks of the man with the rice who pulled him out of the abyss. ]
Sometimes... that is all it takes, isn't it? The kindness and compassion of one person to keep close to your chest. I think that your convictions have never left you, even when you did not remember a thing, but... I am so glad, that you were able to have it returned to you.
And ultimately, to hear you say such things... it makes me happy, Brother Goat. To have such conviction - that is all we can do, no matter how many times we have failed.
[ a beat. ]
Besides, swords are cooler than guns, anyway, so you made a good choice. [ well, they are. ] It turns out yours had quite the story after all.
—He is not kind! [ GOAT JUST BLURTS THAT OUT ] He is a rude and foul-mouthed man who looks down on me even though I am much, much older than he is, and he only knows what left and right is! He tries to beat me up and calls me "Flour" even though flour is a powder made from wheat and not a name appropriate for a person!
[ xie lian gave that touching spiel and goat just rants about all of the things that annoy him about this person ]
[ xie lian's smiling, and he waves his hand to clear it off! ] I just think it's just nice - even though this person is a little irritating, you must like them very much. I'm happy to hear you remembered a friend.
You know, today... a memory was returned to me, right along those lines. I had someone shout in my face and scream at me, at a time when all I really wanted to do was die... it was sort of shocking, and then when he left, he came back and did something kind for me.
I had forgotten about him, but... I didn't stop seeing the world the way that I do, because I did. [ xie lian touches his heart. ] So even if this person is irritating, and calls you a terrible nickname, they must have left quite the impression that you are still moved by the convictions you have.
...It is a bit funny, that you can remember that nickname, but not your actual name.
... I am glad you are able to remember such a man again.
[ ... ]
Where I'm from, names are given to gods by humans, in an attempt to capture their essence. In that way, gods are called by many names, depending on how humans perceive them. When they are able to grasp their true and whole self, the god's name will naturally come to them.
[ tmw this is week five so i still have god names! thanks backtags ]
If it makes you feel better, one of my own nicknames was the god of pestilence and misfortune - an "ominous star". Worshippers used to make statues of me crying and step on my back as a stone so that they would put all their misfortune on me.
[ ah, to be xie lian. ]
It is much the same in my own world - every title I ever had came from mortals, short of 'taizi dianxia', which simply indicated I was a prince. For some reason, they were fascinated with calling me names around flowers - 'The Flower Crowned Martial God', or "Flower in One Hand, Sword in the Other".
[ a beat, and then, he tilts his head, smiling. ] And... that's not so different from the way things are here, hm? We all have perceived you as Brother Goat, and so Brother Goat you are.
...I hope that, god or human or otherwise, your true name will come to me, someday - and be returned to you, too.
Do you like the name that you've been given, here?
Well, that's better than the particular feelings about "Flour", then!
[ because those were definitely particular. ] It's funny, how mortals come to perceive the gods, I think - who knows how many nicknames you may have had, in the many years that you have lived.
I think Brother Goat suits you. I have spent some time wondering what sort of things unite all of us as a team - perhaps it is simply that we're all a bit "Goat"-like.
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no subject
it is not the first time that xie lian has felt a great solidarity with goat, and it will not be the last, either. the simple way he addresses his failures resonates with him, deeply.
it resonates in his failure to stop the white no face. (right? who still wanders this world, seeking him out.) in the faces of the people screaming at him for the cure to a plague, when that cure was death itself. his failures in yong'an. the drought. the war. even the little girl at mt. yu jun.
(xie lian, you ominous star, you god of misfortune! your existence is x̸͖̙̙̘̗̞̺͍̔̅̒͛̒̚͝i̷̪͚̫̮̓̀͑a̴̜̘͌͊̇n̵̯͕͐́̈́̓̕͘ ̸͕̃̒̄̑͂ļ̶͕̺͚̘͓͖͉͝ẻ̸̛̩̖̬̜̼̟̰͘͝'s greatest tragedy! )
but today, he remembered one of the reasons that he keeps trying, when he had forgotten it, and hearing goat's memory... it touches xie lian, deep to his core. ]
What a kind person. [ this human, though goat is certainly kind, too. ]
...I am glad that you remembered such an important thing, and that someone was able to touch your life in such a way. [ even if it was brief. even if it came later with misery.
he thinks of the man with the rice who pulled him out of the abyss. ]
Sometimes... that is all it takes, isn't it? The kindness and compassion of one person to keep close to your chest. I think that your convictions have never left you, even when you did not remember a thing, but... I am so glad, that you were able to have it returned to you.
And ultimately, to hear you say such things... it makes me happy, Brother Goat. To have such conviction - that is all we can do, no matter how many times we have failed.
[ a beat. ]
Besides, swords are cooler than guns, anyway, so you made a good choice. [ well, they are. ] It turns out yours had quite the story after all.
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but also—
—He is not kind! [ GOAT JUST BLURTS THAT OUT ] He is a rude and foul-mouthed man who looks down on me even though I am much, much older than he is, and he only knows what left and right is! He tries to beat me up and calls me "Flour" even though flour is a powder made from wheat and not a name appropriate for a person!
[ xie lian gave that touching spiel and goat just rants about all of the things that annoy him about this person ]
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i mean.
oh??? my god????? xie lian blinks twice. ]
...Oh... Is that so...?
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goat:
goat: except that guy, fuck him
mumble grumble ]
... But still, he is my one friend, outside of the Realm, and I owe him much.
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and then - ]
-- Pfffft.
[ he can't help it. goat, you're so cute. ]
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[ what'd he do!! ]
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[ xie lian's smiling, and he waves his hand to clear it off! ] I just think it's just nice - even though this person is a little irritating, you must like them very much. I'm happy to hear you remembered a friend.
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You know, today... a memory was returned to me, right along those lines. I had someone shout in my face and scream at me, at a time when all I really wanted to do was die... it was sort of shocking, and then when he left, he came back and did something kind for me.
I had forgotten about him, but... I didn't stop seeing the world the way that I do, because I did. [ xie lian touches his heart. ] So even if this person is irritating, and calls you a terrible nickname, they must have left quite the impression that you are still moved by the convictions you have.
...It is a bit funny, that you can remember that nickname, but not your actual name.
no subject
[ ... ]
Where I'm from, names are given to gods by humans, in an attempt to capture their essence. In that way, gods are called by many names, depending on how humans perceive them. When they are able to grasp their true and whole self, the god's name will naturally come to them.
—But Flour is still not appropriate.
[ :T ]
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If it makes you feel better, one of my own nicknames was the god of pestilence and misfortune - an "ominous star". Worshippers used to make statues of me crying and step on my back as a stone so that they would put all their misfortune on me.
[ ah, to be xie lian. ]
It is much the same in my own world - every title I ever had came from mortals, short of 'taizi dianxia', which simply indicated I was a prince. For some reason, they were fascinated with calling me names around flowers - 'The Flower Crowned Martial God', or "Flower in One Hand, Sword in the Other".
[ a beat, and then, he tilts his head, smiling. ] And... that's not so different from the way things are here, hm? We all have perceived you as Brother Goat, and so Brother Goat you are.
...I hope that, god or human or otherwise, your true name will come to me, someday - and be returned to you, too.
Do you like the name that you've been given, here?
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I don't know if I have any particular feelings on it...
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Well, that's better than the particular feelings about "Flour", then!
[ because those were definitely particular. ] It's funny, how mortals come to perceive the gods, I think - who knows how many nicknames you may have had, in the many years that you have lived.
I think Brother Goat suits you. I have spent some time wondering what sort of things unite all of us as a team - perhaps it is simply that we're all a bit "Goat"-like.