Ah, that's another similarity between us - or, it was, once. I used to be able to subsist off of my spiritual energy, but such is the case no longer. When I was in the Heavens, I used to take meals with...
[ ...
there's a blank spot. he feels at the edge of it, frowns briefly. ] ...well. I rarely ate, anyway, and then, after that I had no one to eat with at all but Ruoye, and I had to eat! Things have changed.
[ you can almost watch him fill up the emotion bottle of those two people missing and kick it right under the bed.
he eats his mutton, content with his lack of own coping skills. monch. ]
As for these, it... I'm not sure, really. There are parts of it that are nice - I feel as though I have learned things about a few others that they would have never once shared. It is nice to have context, but I hate to break into the privacy of others...
...And, there are many things in my life that I would not wish on anyone to experience. [ like that whole knife block thing. 0/10 ] Were these just a random product of the Realm?
but xie lian doesn't say anything to it, instead tilting his head. ] So... perhaps, if you popped one, we could learn a little more about you, do you think? I've seen even things that others say they cannot remember.
[ a beat; and then, sheepish, he waves his hands. ] I mean - um, I wouldn't ask you to do something that would make you uncomfortable, Brother Goat.
[ --and it is like staring into a endless void, from which teeth emerge. transcending space, and hungry beyond comprehension, they seem as though as they could devour the world.
xie lian blinks, rapidly, as he's freed from the memory itself, but the remains of it linger. he was going to tell goat much of the same - that there is little that he could show him that he would be afraid of - and he doesn't feel bad, or even particularly unsettled by the memory that he returns from.
just almost...
appreciative, for who goat is. similarities, he comes back to, again and again. his simple act of kindness, in what must have simply been a dream.
xie lian gives him a small, reassuring smile as he exhales out, returning himself properly to the present, but trying to let the images linger. ] ...Were you able to experience it, Brother Goat - do you remember it?
I experienced it, but... it felt like watching something that was not mine. I have no recollection of it, though it must have been my memory, as that woman looked like me...
I wonder if perhaps she was pretending to be someone you must have known, or someone you were related to...? That is a common tactic of many ghosts and demons in my realm.
[ a pause, and he munches thoughtfully on his dinner, a fondness coming through as he speaks. ] Either way, it seemed very much like the Brother Goat I have come to know, for you to act in such ways. I'm glad, that you shared it with me.
Some would not first think to offer the clothes off of their own back. And... I think, perhaps in that situation, some may have been frightened and reacted accordingly. But you did not. Awake and conscious, or in a dream, you did not.
[ a beat, and he smiles, touching his heart gently. ] We've talked about the importance of little acts of kindness, no? I just think... well, I like to think, I would have reacted in the same way, is all. It is something I appreciate about you, Brother Goat.
[ me softly, as i read the memory: same hat. . . ]
[ you are standing in the royal holy pavilion, and you can smell smoke in the air. it's the first breath of relief after a crowd of resentful spirits swarmed the holy temple, and you, crown prince, were able to near instantly find the vital spot to disperse them. there's a magnificent sword in your hand; you are dressed in fine clothing, and thrumming with powerful spiritual energy.
your two bodyguards kneel on the floor, both sooty but otherwise fine, and at your side, a young child holds his head. he is filthy, wearing red and covered in bandages, and he is surrounded by three deputy guoshi. your tutor, famed mei nianqing, grand master guoshi, renowned for his skills and talents in fortune tellers sits in front of you, and he looks horrified.
"your highness" he says, suddenly, springing to his feet, "you really shouldn't have brought that thing up this mountain. that small child is toxic! his sign is borne of the most ominous star, the star of solitude, destined to bring misfortune and destruction, the kind that evil loves most. whoever touches him will have misfortune befall them, whoever gets close will lose their lives--"
before he can finish, though, there is a scream coming from the tiny, red wearing child. he is young, barely 10 years old, but the noise that rips out of his throat is agonized, filled to the brim with unmistakable, unspeakable pain and anguish, and he runs full speed at the guoshi to headbutt him, and he hits and tears and cries at the guoshi.
around you, the deputy guoshi gasp, horrified, and your bodyguards leap to their feet. they tear the child away from the guoshi, who scrambles backwards, yelling "MAKE HIM GO DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, HURRY! Don't touch him, I mean it! That fortune is too toxic! Don't touch him!"
the deputy guoshi jump as if they were burned. your bodyguards are frozen to the spot, and everyone avoids the child like he is poisonous - it just makes it worse. he screams, and thrashes, and bites at anything he can, like a wild animal. "I'M NOT!! I'M NOT, I'M NOT!"
and you, crown prince, holy child, beloved son, come back to your bearings.
and you walk forward. you keep walking, forward, forward, past the deputy guoshi, and drop to your knees behind the child
and you take him in your arms. ] You're not. I know you're not. Don't cry, now. I know you're not.
[ the child stops, frozen in your arms, like a wild, captured animal. his tiny hands catch the white fabric of your sleeves, spreading grime from the spot, and hold on for dear life. he takes a deep breath --you feel him trembling in your arms, tiny, emaciated, terrified thing, and you close your eyes.
and you feel something in that child's body just give. he takes a deep, heaving breath, and bursts into tears.
your heart breaks.
you pull the child closer to yourself, and speak, again, firmly. you will not be questioned. ] It's not you. It's not your fault.
[ the child whips around, suddenly, buries his face in your chest, and begins to wail.
the guoshi warns you, one last time - i mean it, it's best to let go, and you shake your head, and hold the tiny hong hong-er in your arms, so that if he falls apart, you can keep his pieces together. you let him scream and cry, like a wounded animal sobbing its last breaths, the desperate cries of a grown man breaking down instead of the misery of a ten year old. you ignore your advisers, let him soak the front of your snow white robes with his tears and blood and dirt. you don't care.
bad luck be damned; hong hong er is not an ominous star. he is a child, who deserves to be loved. who deserves kindness. who has suffered, so very much, so much so that his sobs rattle his bones, rattle the entire pavilion.
you will not be the reason he continues to suffer.
if this child's misery is - is heaven fated, then you, crown prince, beloved son, soon-to-be-god -- you will change his fate with your bare hands.
were a lot of blank spots, in that memory. that's deeply troubling - it feels like water, slowly dripping out of his cupped hands.
xie lian closes his eyes, for a moment, but no matter how he tries to find the details again, they're gone. eventually, though, he nods, setting that to the side. ]
...En, it was. It was...I believe, the third time we met.
[ that - gets xie lian's nose to wrinkle, unattractively, into what can only be called a Face. ugh. ugh!!!!! ]
...Yes, I do. My... cousin was harassing him, the second time we met. [ U G H. even xie "you could spill soup in my lap and i'd probably apologize to you" lian appears to have someone he doesn't like! and he clearly doesn't like this person a lot. ] He put that child behind a wagon in a gunny sack and drove the wagon through the city streets.
I happened to be in the streets instead of at the palace, and luckily stopped him before he could assault Hong-er any further.
[ and he doesn't even remember how bad he is right now! ]
...well, after hearing a story like that, would you? There was just no reason for him to do that, short of that fact that he was a cruel, violent, boorish young man. [ qi rong is a fucking goblin
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[ ...
there's a blank spot. he feels at the edge of it, frowns briefly. ] ...well. I rarely ate, anyway, and then, after that I had no one to eat with at all but Ruoye, and I had to eat! Things have changed.
[ you can almost watch him fill up the emotion bottle of those two people missing and kick it right under the bed.
he eats his mutton, content with his lack of own coping skills. monch. ]
As for these, it... I'm not sure, really. There are parts of it that are nice - I feel as though I have learned things about a few others that they would have never once shared. It is nice to have context, but I hate to break into the privacy of others...
...And, there are many things in my life that I would not wish on anyone to experience. [ like that whole knife block thing. 0/10 ] Were these just a random product of the Realm?
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[ omnom. ]
So it seems... It may be a product of its instability, though we really don't know the reason.
[ (mod voice) chaos ]
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These things don't affect you, right? They haven't before.
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... Oh, um. They've been affecting me ever since I lost too many team members, I think...
Also, since these aren't quite as direct as past effects, I don't know if the same rules apply...
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but xie lian doesn't say anything to it, instead tilting his head. ] So... perhaps, if you popped one, we could learn a little more about you, do you think? I've seen even things that others say they cannot remember.
[ a beat; and then, sheepish, he waves his hands. ] I mean - um, I wouldn't ask you to do something that would make you uncomfortable, Brother Goat.
[1/2]
It is worth trying, at least. Though I hope that I don't inflict a bad memory on you, in that case...
[ but he reaches over and pokes a bubble-- ]
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then, within those teeth, a woman appears, with a face identical to yours.
... once the memory ends, goat is still, looking dazed. ]
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xie lian blinks, rapidly, as he's freed from the memory itself, but the remains of it linger. he was going to tell goat much of the same - that there is little that he could show him that he would be afraid of - and he doesn't feel bad, or even particularly unsettled by the memory that he returns from.
just almost...
appreciative, for who goat is. similarities, he comes back to, again and again. his simple act of kindness, in what must have simply been a dream.
xie lian gives him a small, reassuring smile as he exhales out, returning himself properly to the present, but trying to let the images linger. ] ...Were you able to experience it, Brother Goat - do you remember it?
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I experienced it, but... it felt like watching something that was not mine. I have no recollection of it, though it must have been my memory, as that woman looked like me...
I don't... understand any of it, though.
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[ xie lian says with a little laugh. ]
I wonder if perhaps she was pretending to be someone you must have known, or someone you were related to...? That is a common tactic of many ghosts and demons in my realm.
[ a pause, and he munches thoughtfully on his dinner, a fondness coming through as he speaks. ] Either way, it seemed very much like the Brother Goat I have come to know, for you to act in such ways. I'm glad, that you shared it with me.
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[ he also munches on some food. ]
Did it? I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I suppose I'm happy to hear that.
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[ he tilts his head, thoughtful. ] Brother Goat-like.
When you gave her you coat - it was very kind.
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[ well. goat has no idea what might've been going through his head at that time, since the memory still feels disconnected from him, but. ]
... Is it not normal to offer one's coat to someone who is cold?
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[ a beat, and he smiles, touching his heart gently. ] We've talked about the importance of little acts of kindness, no? I just think... well, I like to think, I would have reacted in the same way, is all. It is something I appreciate about you, Brother Goat.
[ me softly, as i read the memory: same hat. . . ]
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Is that so... Um, thank you, then.
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he takes a bite of his food, now almost gone. ] I feel as though I should be exchanging with you, too, as we always do. What do you think?
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Only if you are willing.
1/2 i hope jesus christ these are always terribly long
I have told you much, my friend. I am not afraid of what you may see.
[ so. setting down his food, xie lian shifts, and reaches up to gently tap two fingers against the closest bubble. ]
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your two bodyguards kneel on the floor, both sooty but otherwise fine, and at your side, a young child holds his head. he is filthy, wearing red and covered in bandages, and he is surrounded by three deputy guoshi. your tutor, famed mei nianqing, grand master guoshi, renowned for his skills and talents in fortune tellers sits in front of you, and he looks horrified.
"your highness" he says, suddenly, springing to his feet, "you really shouldn't have brought that thing up this mountain. that small child is toxic! his sign is borne of the most ominous star, the star of solitude, destined to bring misfortune and destruction, the kind that evil loves most. whoever touches him will have misfortune befall them, whoever gets close will lose their lives--"
before he can finish, though, there is a scream coming from the tiny, red wearing child. he is young, barely 10 years old, but the noise that rips out of his throat is agonized, filled to the brim with unmistakable, unspeakable pain and anguish, and he runs full speed at the guoshi to headbutt him, and he hits and tears and cries at the guoshi.
around you, the deputy guoshi gasp, horrified, and your bodyguards leap to their feet. they tear the child away from the guoshi, who scrambles backwards, yelling "MAKE HIM GO DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, HURRY! Don't touch him, I mean it! That fortune is too toxic! Don't touch him!"
the deputy guoshi jump as if they were burned. your bodyguards are frozen to the spot, and everyone avoids the child like he is poisonous - it just makes it worse. he screams, and thrashes, and bites at anything he can, like a wild animal. "I'M NOT!! I'M NOT, I'M NOT!"
and you, crown prince, holy child, beloved son, come back to your bearings.
and you walk forward. you keep walking, forward, forward, past the deputy guoshi, and drop to your knees behind the child
and you take him in your arms. ] You're not. I know you're not. Don't cry, now. I know you're not.
[ the child stops, frozen in your arms, like a wild, captured animal. his tiny hands catch the white fabric of your sleeves, spreading grime from the spot, and hold on for dear life. he takes a deep breath --you feel him trembling in your arms, tiny, emaciated, terrified thing, and you close your eyes.
and you feel something in that child's body just give. he takes a deep, heaving breath, and bursts into tears.
your heart breaks.
you pull the child closer to yourself, and speak, again, firmly. you will not be questioned. ] It's not you. It's not your fault.
[ the child whips around, suddenly, buries his face in your chest, and begins to wail.
the guoshi warns you, one last time - i mean it, it's best to let go, and you shake your head, and hold the tiny hong hong-er in your arms, so that if he falls apart, you can keep his pieces together. you let him scream and cry, like a wounded animal sobbing its last breaths, the desperate cries of a grown man breaking down instead of the misery of a ten year old. you ignore your advisers, let him soak the front of your snow white robes with his tears and blood and dirt. you don't care.
bad luck be damned; hong hong er is not an ominous star. he is a child, who deserves to be loved. who deserves kindness. who has suffered, so very much, so much so that his sobs rattle his bones, rattle the entire pavilion.
you will not be the reason he continues to suffer.
if this child's misery is - is heaven fated, then you, crown prince, beloved son, soon-to-be-god -- you will change his fate with your bare hands.
the memory fades away, there. ]
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goat is quiet after the memory, as he tilts his head, deep in thought. finally-- ]
... Was that the child? The one you saved.
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were a lot of blank spots, in that memory. that's deeply troubling - it feels like water, slowly dripping out of his cupped hands.
xie lian closes his eyes, for a moment, but no matter how he tries to find the details again, they're gone. eventually, though, he nods, setting that to the side. ]
...En, it was. It was...I believe, the third time we met.
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The third...? Do you recall the second, then? I assume the parade was your first encounter...
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...Yes, I do. My... cousin was harassing him, the second time we met. [ U G H. even xie "you could spill soup in my lap and i'd probably apologize to you" lian appears to have someone he doesn't like! and he clearly doesn't like this person a lot. ] He put that child behind a wagon in a gunny sack and drove the wagon through the city streets.
I happened to be in the streets instead of at the palace, and luckily stopped him before he could assault Hong-er any further.
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[ amazing. ]
You don't think fondly of your cousin, I take it.
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...well, after hearing a story like that, would you? There was just no reason for him to do that, short of that fact that he was a cruel, violent, boorish young man. [ qi rong is a fucking goblin
anyway. ]
...I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, I'm sorry.
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wow i love finding threads i never got notifs for... crusty backtag hours