... Do not apologize. If it wasn't you, it would inevitably be someone else.
I had a talk with someone else earlier today about how it isn't always clear, what is right and what is wrong. Though I can't remember who, I feel like someone taught me a long time ago--that those things are like a rainbow, and so one cannot easily separate them.
[ and if he has any reason to think he didn't die then, when his friend pierced through his chest, it's because he's a much more cold-hearted person than he recalls being in his memories, he thinks. ]
I know you understand the weight of a life. Your thoughts and happiness are worth as much as anyone else's; I won't ask you to not pursue what you believe in.
[ . . . . what he believes in. he wishes that he was someone with a better idea of that. who could say that he believes in a path that the gods set for him - but no. for as long as he could remember, it was about what he could discern for himself.
and he would make choices, based on reason, not emotion.]
..... I don't believe right and wrong can be used to determine one's actions - nor can the words 'good' and 'bad. But even I know... that based on what I've done in my life, I likely cannot be considered a good person.
We only have decisions, and what we can live with, based on what we want to accomplish.
Yet even if I believe in that... Maybe I shouldn't get a chance to selfishly say 'I want the people I consider friends to be happy', when I cannot promise it.
I am not necessarily a good person either, you know.
[ there is always an ominous feeling, lurking in the back of his mind. ]
... I told you before. Regardless of all else, I am someone who exists to help people, and that conviction will always keep me going. Don't concern yourself with my feelings--if others are happy or can be at ease with your decisions, then that is enough for me.
[and he can't help but laugh a bit - more or a rueful noise]
I'm beginning to understand... Why everyone grows cross with me, and tells me that saying 'don't worry' won't actually do anything in terms of their concern.
Because you can tell me not to concern myself with your feelings - but permission does not make the emotions stop.
manages a little bit of a smile at that, letting it break through his expression as he reaches out for goat's hand again. maybe this time he won't let go.]
... then let me remind you.
That even if you are used to being hurt.... I wish that I didn't add to your troubles. Even if it is impossible to go through life without harming another person, that doesn't mean that it should be done rampantly and without concern.
I cannot make a beautiful promise like "I will never hurt you" - but I can promise you at least that...
I will want for your moments of peace to be longer than your moments of strife.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I had a talk with someone else earlier today about how it isn't always clear, what is right and what is wrong. Though I can't remember who, I feel like someone taught me a long time ago--that those things are like a rainbow, and so one cannot easily separate them.
[ and if he has any reason to think he didn't die then, when his friend pierced through his chest, it's because he's a much more cold-hearted person than he recalls being in his memories, he thinks. ]
I know you understand the weight of a life. Your thoughts and happiness are worth as much as anyone else's; I won't ask you to not pursue what you believe in.
no subject
and he would make choices, based on reason, not emotion.]
..... I don't believe right and wrong can be used to determine one's actions - nor can the words 'good' and 'bad. But even I know... that based on what I've done in my life, I likely cannot be considered a good person.
We only have decisions, and what we can live with, based on what we want to accomplish.
Yet even if I believe in that... Maybe I shouldn't get a chance to selfishly say 'I want the people I consider friends to be happy', when I cannot promise it.
Even still, I cannot help but feel it.
no subject
[ there is always an ominous feeling, lurking in the back of his mind. ]
... I told you before. Regardless of all else, I am someone who exists to help people, and that conviction will always keep me going. Don't concern yourself with my feelings--if others are happy or can be at ease with your decisions, then that is enough for me.
no subject
It's not that easy.
[and he can't help but laugh a bit - more or a rueful noise]
I'm beginning to understand... Why everyone grows cross with me, and tells me that saying 'don't worry' won't actually do anything in terms of their concern.
Because you can tell me not to concern myself with your feelings - but permission does not make the emotions stop.
no subject
tries a new tactic? ]
Um... it's okay, I'm used to it...?
no subject
no subject
... Had we?
[ goat has already forgotten because his memory is terrible sometimes ]
no subject
[please stop teasing this sweet goat]
no subject
N-No...!
[ soo-won why ]
no subject
manages a little bit of a smile at that, letting it break through his expression as he reaches out for goat's hand again. maybe this time he won't let go.]
... then let me remind you.
That even if you are used to being hurt.... I wish that I didn't add to your troubles. Even if it is impossible to go through life without harming another person, that doesn't mean that it should be done rampantly and without concern.
I cannot make a beautiful promise like "I will never hurt you" - but I can promise you at least that...
I will want for your moments of peace to be longer than your moments of strife.
no subject
[ ...
he lets soo-won take his hand, though he falls silent. ]
no subject
and after a few moments - ]
... had I said something wrong?
no subject
[ he closes his eyes. ]
... No.
no subject
... if I may be so bold -
Tell me what you're thinking?
no subject
... I don't know what it is that I'm thinking.
no subject
no subject
[ almost accidentally deletes your tag ]
Hard to decipher.
no subject
.... we can try to untangle it together, if you'd like.
Are two feelings warring together? Or... does it feel like a path that you don't know which branch to take again?
no subject
... Like the path. As though there is something I should know, but I don't.
no subject
Maybe there's something you still can't recall but...
[he looks thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head, and giving goat's hand a gentle squeeze]
No matter what you recall, I believe my sentiments will hold true.
And I will want to stay at your side.
no subject
[ ... ]
Thank you.
no subject
[and he'll encourage goat a bit closer then, this time to pull him into a hug.
it's just hugging day]
no subject
[ you know what, hugs are nice ]