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TL;CR MEME
1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game.
4. Suffer as we have suffered over your CR.
1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game.
4. Suffer as we have suffered over your CR.
31,13
LIKE LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS CHILD he met her holding stuffed animals??? she was supposed to be just some kid that he teases because that's the only way he knows how to interact with people, but also the whole first conversation was just... Kano spins lies and thinks they're harmless and is very ends justifies the means in that all he'd intended to do was make Hikaru that winged fish that she wanted because it might make her happy or whatever and if he takes it upon himself, then she doesn't have to feel bad for stealing or can blame it on him and it'll be fine. So when she finds him later and gets so mad about him lying to her, he expected that but also thought she was making a big deal out of nothing— who did his lies hurt? what did it matter? Here and so many times after, Hikaru makes such a big deal out of things that aren't a big deal and that frustrated Kano endlessly because he does not want his words or actions or self to be a big deal- to be important- he just wants them to be. He can't even say that lie was for her sake because he would never dox himself like that but man was that a "wow, see if I do anything nice for people ever again" moment, except he continues doing what he does anyways. Hikaru made such a big deal about learning his name and trying to understand him and Kano hated that so much because a name is meaningless and he is a void who has no real personality or likes or dislikes or sense of self or any of that and nobody likes being scrutinized and Kano is very very very very contradictory in that he hates and wants the same things and many times hates and wants the exact opposite at the same time. He hates people looking at him, but desperately wants people to see him. He is a compulsive liar who cannot help but tell lies, but he exaggerates them and desperately wants people to notice the fact that he can't help it instead of brushing him off. He smiles all the time and insists that he's fine and happy and having fun, but desperately wants people to realize this is a lie too and that he's really hurting inside. From the very start, Hikaru saw that hurt in him and said so to his face- and he could not face it or admit to it or do anything but turn away from it, because this is the tower that he's built and trapped himself within. Later in the novel route where he's from he'll break down and cry to his brother about how he'd always wanted somebody to see the real him, but here is Hikaru and she is a stranger and he was very scared. She relentlessly chased after him even though he kept pushing her away even to the end of the game and that hateful stubbornness is the one thing that he appreciates the most about her, even if he does hate it, she never gave up on him and he's been given up on all his life and has given up on himself but then here is Hikaru. Hateful. But he did appreciate it. Even when she admitted to him about using her stone to make him kind, he hated that but he did not hate her- he could understand why she did it and that he is the sort of despicable person who you have to force kindness upon in order to make him behave like a normal human being, he took that hatred upon himself and saw it as such. Deep down inside, he is kind; he does everything for the sake of his family and is very kind in his own way, so rather than hating Hikaru for what she did, he was sort of sad that she wanted him to be kind, as if he doesn't hold onto that kindness at all times already. It's a very indirect sort of kindness... but it exists... it makes sense to himself and nobody else... But also later when she arrived at the graveyard and was saying that about how she won't hit him because he never gave her a good reason to, just as he never hit her even though she gave him a good reason to, he was very very close to telling her that he did not hate her for the stone thing and that it made it easier to talk to people that night and also he got to talk about his true feelings on things a little and some weight was lifted off his shoulders and maybe he should be a little grateful for the effects of that stone, but he did not say anything because that would mean talking about himself and this isn't about him, this is about Hikaru and why she's so distraught and so he tried to keep the conversation on her and kept that to himself. But there was that thought. He tried very hard to keep the conversation on her whenever they talk but she kept turning it back on him and that was also very frustrating for him haha but he is very deliberate in his way of speaking and Hikaru caught onto a lot, how he smiles all the time and smiles when he lies, how he can drop the smile and become serious but if he's not taken seriously then the smile will come right back up like a mask, like he's not used to it and is testing the water and seeing how the other person is going to react. He hides a lot of truth in stories- like the play and the constellations- because a story is inherently both fiction and nonfiction and it's very easy to back off and go "it's just a story! did you believe me? stupid." when things get too real, but there is an understanding that all stories are rooted in truth, and so he can tell his truths while embedding them within fabricated lies, a compromise. He treats things as a game for largely the same reason, in that there's a very deliberate message he's trying to convey, whether it's earning his name or playing charades, but it's enveloped in fun and games and "it's just a game, don't take it so seriously" when he wants to back out. His existence is a lot like that, just enough truth to not be written off completely and to keep people second guessing, and Hikaru is able to learn but not approaching him directly, but by playing his games and telling stories with him and like this it's easier for him to communicate too. He makes things very complicated! on purpose! and I'm very sorry all the time! Know that I was very very proud when she took his charades and turned them into yes or no questions though. I don't want to talk about the dragon play but that was also a thing... when he said that he would answer her questions in exchange for something, he'd decided this was the one and only time he would answer as truthfully as he can, because it is under the guise of a play, but also he wanted to know what was the most important thing Hikaru wanted to know- and it was understanding him. Which he hated! but had accepted by this point and decided that as long as she played along, he would allow some give and take. This entire game felt like a fever dream Nik I can't remember anything except Kano being existentially tired and also me. Hikaru trying to figure him out is very exhausting when he doesn't know who he is, him with all his memories intact but still with nothing inside, Hikaru with swiss cheese memory but with her heart and soul brimming nonetheless, it exhausted him. Between setting things on fire a lot of the time in the graveyard was probably him sleeping or lying there pretending to be asleep probably. Uhh... cyoa. I mentioned before that Kano's was intended to be more mindfucky but Hikaru refused to play with the snake- with Kano- the streets converged to only one path when he asked that because he wanted to make a point that this is his world, that regardless of what Hikaru chose, there is only one way forward and that any agency she thought she had was an illusion, which is how Kano always tried to orchestrate interactions with people, manipulating what he can and snaring people into his flow and leading conversations where he wanted. But Hikaru would not play, so instead of learning more about why he is who he is, she got to learn who he used to be, who the Shuuya is who is lost in the darkness and who Kano believed would never be found again, but Hikaru did, twice, and made him better for it. But also that entire thread is embarrassing if he has to remember it too so he will pretend it never happened and never talk to Hikaru again. Her cyoa was embarrassing for him too? He's just easily embarrassed. But he was very glad to see his family again, even if it made him painfully aware that this is fake and not real and he should not get so hung up about these versions of his siblings who are not the same as the real ones. They're just in his head and he knows it but he can't help but be fond, he can't help but love them and I'm glad I got to write them, the way Kano can be quietly soft behind their backs as long as nobody is looking. Knowing all this happened to Hikaru, though, he was just really... really relieved it was her as a knight and not him... NOT THAT HE WOULD WISH THIS UPON HER BUT LIKE he very clearly did not want anything to do with this and would have doomed the Pillar haha... for him, this cyoa was very reaffiming to him that all these things that he hates about himself isn't necessarily bad, it is part of his kindness, and he is steadfast in what he believes. But it also reaffimed the chasm between him and his siblings he loves so much, how he would protect them with his life but cannot trust them to do the same- does not want them to do the same. She talked a lot about them having to work together and he could not bring himself to do it, he cannot put people on the same level as him when he wants to simultaneously elevate his loved ones but also keep them protectively behind him at all times. He's going into that battle knowing he's doomed to fail, really, unable to work together so much as he's going to play puppet master, he was going to use the wind to clear the storm clouds so nobody gets zapped, also Seto who can control water to douse the Pillar and put out the fire wings and bring her down to the ground, and Kido who is very strong and can just twist the Pillar's arms behind her and keep her captive. Yeah. That was his master plan. He would not have killed her; he is very good at directing traffic but he cannot kill Hikaru, so they are going to kidnap the Pillar. "Take the life of the Pillar" is all the instruction he got so they're leaving with her life, goodbye, this totally counts. Also by the end of trial it stopped mattering, but through endgame Kano tried very hard to give Hikaru opportunities to learn the Worm and nothing panned out and I was constantly staring at the sky HAHA He was really hopeful for Hajime before she died, asked Goat if he knew it before realizing that Goat knew nothing about anything, he asked Sora but Sora didn't know what it was and suggested asking Lup but Kano never got around to it, he tried to teach Elsa but depressed Elsa was not going to do the worm in the graveyard so he tried to teach Soo-won but Soo-won was having none of his bullshit. He thought Hikaru would just ask him??? He wouldn't've considered it cheating; finding loopholes in his games would have impressed him more than anything, and being too proud to take advantage of this clear cheat just makes him think she's proud and stupid. But also if she had come up to him and done the Worm at any point, he would have laughed in her face and walked off without saying his name, yeah.
Re: 31,13
what had happened during that injury thread btw? The uhhh the pc where they were talking about sewing his neck shut until he touched her and then they talked about God and fate instead
no subject
It works as a horrible parallel too, since that personification is very much an act, that is Hikaru as the Pillar, as her monster, rather than as Hikaru herself (the one that Kano could not touch, because she couldn't let him touch her, because she thought it would only make things worse and that she had to stay alone). Him saying fuck that and shooting her out of the sky and kidnapping her is just him taking her hand and jumping off the ladder again and haha see what I did there. I hate this stupid play.