[ thats what i THOUGHT you'd say you dumb fucking goat
no im kidding. xie lian bites his lip, and when he does speak up again, it's with an old, quiet sadness to each word. a familiarity. ]
...It... it is impossible, not to blame ourselves. You will tell me not to, to soothe the burden of guilt and despair, and I would tell you the same, as if we try to save each other from suffering that pain, in an endless circle. Logically, I know... I know, there is no "blame" that can be cast, really, and logically, I know that if this does happen, it will be temporary. Even more logically, I know... that loss is something I am used to - and that failure is too, and that I can endure it.
[ ..... ] But logic, and time... have never truly stopped it from hurting me when I have so, so often failed.
[ xie lian looks down at his hands, his brow furrowing. ]
...Soo-won told me... the week that we lost Miss Hikaru, there was a moment where I felt like I stumbled, and lost grip on my emotions. He is so clever, there was no way he wouldn't have noticed, and he...
He gave me a hug, and told me not to apologize for it, and that that was what friends did for each other - helped each other when they were suffering. I know that, of course, but it has been so long since I have had a friend at all, that... even now, I find it vastly difficult to tell others, or lean upon others, or...watch them suffer, when I could take on their suffering myself and absolve them from it. Why should they have to suffer, when I am used to it? Why should they have to blame themselves, when they have done nothing wrong?
...Perhaps you and I are creatures of habit, in such a regard, to take on the pain and burdens that we can to help others. So... perhaps instead of trying to absolve each other - because we both know that is what we will continue to do - perhaps we can try and shoulder that load together, instead.
[ he ends there, and gives goat a smile. it's a sad one, but it's genuine, too. ]
How long do you think it might take...? I am trying to get a sense for what comes next... ideally, this will be the last week that anyone has to do any sort of killing.
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[ because
that's what he'd do in this situation! ]
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he falls silent for a long while. ]
... Whatever happens, we will have to endure.
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no im kidding. xie lian bites his lip, and when he does speak up again, it's with an old, quiet sadness to each word. a familiarity. ]
...It... it is impossible, not to blame ourselves. You will tell me not to, to soothe the burden of guilt and despair, and I would tell you the same, as if we try to save each other from suffering that pain, in an endless circle. Logically, I know... I know, there is no "blame" that can be cast, really, and logically, I know that if this does happen, it will be temporary. Even more logically, I know... that loss is something I am used to - and that failure is too, and that I can endure it.
[ ..... ] But logic, and time... have never truly stopped it from hurting me when I have so, so often failed.
[ xie lian looks down at his hands, his brow furrowing. ]
...Soo-won told me... the week that we lost Miss Hikaru, there was a moment where I felt like I stumbled, and lost grip on my emotions. He is so clever, there was no way he wouldn't have noticed, and he...
He gave me a hug, and told me not to apologize for it, and that that was what friends did for each other - helped each other when they were suffering. I know that, of course, but it has been so long since I have had a friend at all, that... even now, I find it vastly difficult to tell others, or lean upon others, or...watch them suffer, when I could take on their suffering myself and absolve them from it. Why should they have to suffer, when I am used to it? Why should they have to blame themselves, when they have done nothing wrong?
...Perhaps you and I are creatures of habit, in such a regard, to take on the pain and burdens that we can to help others. So... perhaps instead of trying to absolve each other - because we both know that is what we will continue to do - perhaps we can try and shoulder that load together, instead.
[ he ends there, and gives goat a smile. it's a sad one, but it's genuine, too. ]
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... Very well. That is acceptable.
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...Do you know what will happen, when we restore the pathway? They will be able to cross back over, right?
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