[ yeah he's. really upset, but. he has to persevere forward. that same upset hurt flashes in his eyes, but xie lian forces himself to stay calm.
wasn't the whole point of this power that it could be him? is this how it always has to be - he has a success, and is met with failure? the white no face's voice haunts him, every day. silly child. foolish child.
he takes a deep breath, still tense, speaking quietly. ]
...I have learned from others that it is like an infection. [ god xie lian is so tired of infections. ] That... the longer is it allowed to remain, the worse it can be. I can see that, with Miss Hikaru, but... why her? How could it have possibly come to her?
[ the question is mostly rhetorical, but... he's thinking out loud, desperately trying to find some sort of solution. some kind of answer. ]
I don't know. Whatever the cause is, it seems that the Realm cannot transfer it to you. However, if we are to take everyone at their word, splintering has occurred often enough that I see no reason for the Realm to falter there.
So I can only surmise that it's something else, this time.
It's - it's not your fault, Brother Goat. [ xie lian shakes his head, finally--his sympathy for goat's own suffering eases some of his tension and reshifts his attention that way. ] I have been lucky that I have been successful at least once so far.
I...I don't want to accept it. If I could force myself to stay awake - I'd let her kill me, if that would fix it - but it fixes nothing. [ there is no right feeling here. there is no right decision. you will never save anyone, over and over in the back of his head.
the violence fixes nothing. it never does.
he hates this so much.
xie lian lets the words fall between them again, as he pushes his own feelings onto a shelf, back, away. ] ...I won't give up. [ he says, softly. ] I can't. I won't stop. I promise.
[ xie lian squeezes back when his hands are taken - the look on his face is impossibly sad, but there's determination to it, too. the grim knowledge of someone who has been pushed to the brink of despair before, and come out swinging. somehow, some way, he survived.
he always does. ]
...I trust you too, Brother Goat. I... I will keep looking. I'll try to find out what happened. If you find anything out that you can tell me... please, please do, alright? Anything.
[ as for grief... the corner of xie lian's mouth lifts. ] ...I will try. I will grieve when an end result has been decided, and things are not over. Not yet.
Well... I learned that the splintering nova comes from a "source". Not just a source like perhaps the monster that may be devouring it, though I think that's the root, but from a person, and that person will lose memories and such more rapidly. If someone was infected by it - and the infection is random - then that person will spread it to others, and the only way to stop it is to...
[ a beat. his nose wrinkles, unhappily. ] ...remove the source.
[ like cutting off the leg of the plague victim - but that didn't work, in the end. xie lian really wishes this monster would show its face so he could beat it up - the jock solution to this problem is infinitely more appealing. ]
That was what happened with Claude a few weeks ago - what I thought may have been a curse someone put upon him was actually that he had been "infected", but the source was eliminated the next day. I asked about symptoms, but the person I spoke with said that it was random - and that it was hard for you all to necessarily sense it, or know in advance.
The person I talked to said that it was easier for our Leaders to communicate about this sort of thing if we were able to share information with them - that they could then talk about it, with the other Leaders.
...I won't, yet. I don't want to cause a panic - I would rather wait to see what happens this upcoming weekend. After that.
[ and then claude infodumped so it didnt even matter!!! yells in backtags ]
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wasn't the whole point of this power that it could be him? is this how it always has to be - he has a success, and is met with failure? the white no face's voice haunts him, every day. silly child. foolish child.
he takes a deep breath, still tense, speaking quietly. ]
...I have learned from others that it is like an infection. [ god xie lian is so tired of infections. ] That... the longer is it allowed to remain, the worse it can be. I can see that, with Miss Hikaru, but... why her? How could it have possibly come to her?
[ the question is mostly rhetorical, but... he's thinking out loud, desperately trying to find some sort of solution. some kind of answer. ]
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I cannot say. I don't believe she is actually splintering, to begin with. Your power would not fail for no reason at all.
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I don't know. Whatever the cause is, it seems that the Realm cannot transfer it to you. However, if we are to take everyone at their word, splintering has occurred often enough that I see no reason for the Realm to falter there.
So I can only surmise that it's something else, this time.
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[ ... ]
I am sorry, that I have no more power to give you than this.
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I...I don't want to accept it. If I could force myself to stay awake - I'd let her kill me, if that would fix it - but it fixes nothing. [ there is no right feeling here. there is no right decision. you will never save anyone, over and over in the back of his head.
the violence fixes nothing. it never does.
he hates this so much.
xie lian lets the words fall between them again, as he pushes his own feelings onto a shelf, back, away. ] ...I won't give up. [ he says, softly. ] I can't. I won't stop. I promise.
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gently, goat takes xie lian's hands into his own. ]
... I trust you. Even so, you may still grieve for whatever happens. No one here will judge you for it.
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he always does. ]
...I trust you too, Brother Goat. I... I will keep looking. I'll try to find out what happened. If you find anything out that you can tell me... please, please do, alright? Anything.
[ as for grief... the corner of xie lian's mouth lifts. ] ...I will try. I will grieve when an end result has been decided, and things are not over. Not yet.
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[ he nods, smiling faintly back. ]
... Yes. As long as there's even one person left to protect, it isn't over.
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...Will it help you, if I share the information that I learned about the splintering nova? I did share my team with this person a few weeks back.
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What is the information, exactly?
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[ a beat. his nose wrinkles, unhappily. ] ...remove the source.
[ like cutting off the leg of the plague victim - but that didn't work, in the end. xie lian really wishes this monster would show its face so he could beat it up - the jock solution to this problem is infinitely more appealing. ]
That was what happened with Claude a few weeks ago - what I thought may have been a curse someone put upon him was actually that he had been "infected", but the source was eliminated the next day. I asked about symptoms, but the person I spoke with said that it was random - and that it was hard for you all to necessarily sense it, or know in advance.
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I cannot say, since I have not sensed it myself... but if you think that information will help others, you may do as you please.
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...I won't, yet. I don't want to cause a panic - I would rather wait to see what happens this upcoming weekend. After that.
[ and then claude infodumped so it didnt even matter!!! yells in backtags ]