[ xie lian's stupid smile softens a little, but he really can't make it go away. he hasn't really been able to say anything to anyone, which is fine, but now - the joy feels almost effusive.
this success meant so much to him. ]
It is so rare that I am lucky, but - I feel as though I was. Perhaps your belief in me helped to guide me after all.
[ belief is important, to a god, after all. ] I thought - we had a conversation before you and I met up last week, and I thought... I wasn't sure when, or how, but I thought it was worth a shot to try.
[ xie lian's just. he's just relieved. he was struggling, last week - this was a turning point, and he's feeling more renewed than ever because of it. ]
Even just one person. If I can save even just one person, then this power is more than worth it.
[ some of the cheer finally fades, and xie lian looks down at his hands, for a moment. ] ... It... loss is as ever hard, here, but this week's was particularly difficult. The person who I saved was the one who killed someone that I cared about, very much.
...but, it was in self-defense. I have many questions, even still, around the entire event, and I hope to speak to Emet-Selch once he's had some time to recover to try and clear the air around it. [ and bond with his two boyfriends! ]
I think even now, I am struggling not to blame myself for not choosing correctly on Thursday, especially after seeing what happened to Miss Yoshizawa. But... I am going to hold this victory as close to me as I can.
... Mm. We must take our joys where we can find them, along with the pain. And that child--Yoshizawa--would likely wish for everyone to be happy that a life was saved, even if hers was not.
I have not been there to any large extent yet, but I have spoken with a few of the removed, and I'm capable of traveling there if need be.
[ he pauses. ]
I may go there soon, so if there's anything you wish to give to anyone there, I can try. However, I should warn you that the pathway is not stable, so I can't guarantee a gift will remain intact.
[ :gooseknife: don't ship with the npcs, you all say,
anyway. xie lian nods... ] That's good. I heard that the path was dangerous - please take care of yourself, along the way, too.
[ ah! though, at the gift, his smile returns again. ] Brother Goat is very thoughtful. I may need some time to think on a gift... if I can bring it to you tomorrow for our normal meeting, would that suffice? I had just received a notification that I am able to communicate with the removed now, as well....
I'd like to send a message to Shiro, though I am sure that isn't surprising, and... I'm not sure if she's aware of this function, or that we can send gifts, but I thought I might reach out to Miss Izumo and see if she had anything she wanted to say or give to those who have been removed.
[ considering all the loss that poor girl has suffered. ] I don't need two messages. I'd rather give one to someone who may be comforted by it, more.
It was because our team had gathered enough nova. Given the instability between the dimensions, especially before, it may have previously been futile to try sending anything, as it would merely end up lost...?
I think we are... Perhaps it feels as though we take steps back with every death, and it is certainly heavy on one's heart, but we are also taking more forward.
I still wish there was a way to move forward without it. [ the death, that is. he looks down at his feet, smiling, a little sad. really just realized goat's still holding his hand, im ok with that. ] ...It would be nice, to have more days like today.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wow that icon TOOK ME OUT
[ xie lian is absolutely BEAMING the minute goat just appears, brightening up like the sun.
aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA he doesnt have anything to say but stupid, breathless grinning at first. ]
It really - I really did it!
hehe
It was difficult--but I knew you could.
protect goat's smile at all costs
this success meant so much to him. ]
It is so rare that I am lucky, but - I feel as though I was. Perhaps your belief in me helped to guide me after all.
[ belief is important, to a god, after all. ] I thought - we had a conversation before you and I met up last week, and I thought... I wasn't sure when, or how, but I thought it was worth a shot to try.
[ and clearly it was!!! ]
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Then it was not merely luck, but your own intelligence and willingness to know others. Be proud of yourself, Xie Lian.
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[ xie lian's just. he's just relieved. he was struggling, last week - this was a turning point, and he's feeling more renewed than ever because of it. ]
Even just one person. If I can save even just one person, then this power is more than worth it.
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I agree. There may be some who will resent one life was saved and not others... but even so, it's worth protecting who you can.
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[ some of the cheer finally fades, and xie lian looks down at his hands, for a moment. ] ... It... loss is as ever hard, here, but this week's was particularly difficult. The person who I saved was the one who killed someone that I cared about, very much.
...but, it was in self-defense. I have many questions, even still, around the entire event, and I hope to speak to Emet-Selch once he's had some time to recover to try and clear the air around it. [ and bond with his two boyfriends! ]
I think even now, I am struggling not to blame myself for not choosing correctly on Thursday, especially after seeing what happened to Miss Yoshizawa. But... I am going to hold this victory as close to me as I can.
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... Mm. We must take our joys where we can find them, along with the pain. And that child--Yoshizawa--would likely wish for everyone to be happy that a life was saved, even if hers was not.
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xie lian's smile turns more grateful, then; he squeezes goat's hand in return. ]
...I think so, too. She was very adamant that I heal Taako, on Thursday; that girl has a kind heart.
It comforts me to know that the dead are not truly gone. Have you been able to see them, Brother Goat...?
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he thinks for a bit. ]
I have not been there to any large extent yet, but I have spoken with a few of the removed, and I'm capable of traveling there if need be.
[ he pauses. ]
I may go there soon, so if there's anything you wish to give to anyone there, I can try. However, I should warn you that the pathway is not stable, so I can't guarantee a gift will remain intact.
no subject
anyway. xie lian nods... ] That's good. I heard that the path was dangerous - please take care of yourself, along the way, too.
[ ah! though, at the gift, his smile returns again. ] Brother Goat is very thoughtful. I may need some time to think on a gift... if I can bring it to you tomorrow for our normal meeting, would that suffice? I had just received a notification that I am able to communicate with the removed now, as well....
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[ can't believe hc is going to kill goat next week ]
That's fine. I'll just deliver it at a later date. [ a beat, and more so out of curiosity than anything, ] Who are you thinking about... "messaging"?
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I'd like to send a message to Shiro, though I am sure that isn't surprising, and... I'm not sure if she's aware of this function, or that we can send gifts, but I thought I might reach out to Miss Izumo and see if she had anything she wanted to say or give to those who have been removed.
[ considering all the loss that poor girl has suffered. ] I don't need two messages. I'd rather give one to someone who may be comforted by it, more.
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... That sounds very like you. While I imagine this function is now available for many, there must certainly be those who would appreciate the offer.
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Is there a reason why it came about so slowly? Something to do with rankings?
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[ he thinks for a bit. ]
It was because our team had gathered enough nova. Given the instability between the dimensions, especially before, it may have previously been futile to try sending anything, as it would merely end up lost...?
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...I'm glad, that things are stabilizing. That's good to hear. [ mmm... ] ...How do you feel about it all, Brother Goat? Are we making progress?
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I think we are... Perhaps it feels as though we take steps back with every death, and it is certainly heavy on one's heart, but we are also taking more forward.
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I still wish there was a way to move forward without it. [ the death, that is. he looks down at his feet, smiling, a little sad. really just realized goat's still holding his hand, im ok with that. ] ...It would be nice, to have more days like today.
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[ they can just hold hands forever until hua cheng suddenly materializes ]
... Yes, it would. Though the rarity of peace is why we must treasure it all the more.
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xie lian's smile returns, again, and he gives goat's hand a squeeze. ]
So we shall.
Would you like to go for a walk with me, Brother Goat? It is a lovely evening.
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[ he nods. ]
All right. Where to?